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On or off shift does not matter, the facts of the call are this: 1. You did not cause the injury. 2. If the neurosurgeons could not save this person, then it is doubtful that a paramedic/emt could either. 3. You mention mistakes were made, but again, those were not made by you; they were made by others. If you could magically go back in time and respond to the call, I am guessing that there is a 99.99% chance the outcome would still be the same. Maybe the call would have been smoother, maybe you would know that EMS did all that it could do, but massive head injuries rarely have a good outcome no matter what is done. There is only so much that we superheros can do. A famous quote can be borrowed from the TV show MASH that relates to this issue: "1. Young men die in wars. 2. Doctor's can't change rule # 1." The same is true of EMS, definitely go talk to a counselor.

I'm going to be blunt and I'm going to do it in the open forum because this is something that everyone who is suffering from a similar problem should see. If it has been a while from the incident and it is still troubling you this much, then you should probably seek professional help. There is absolutely nothing wrong with seeking professional counseling over this. Seeking help (real help, not forum help) doesn't make you weak, just like someone calling 911 because their having a heart attack and using your professional services as an EMS responder doesn't make them weak.

It was great to have you, and I'm glad that you liked the lab. We're already coming up with ideas for next year. The weather hates the CAP Lab. Every year it's something, whether raining, snowing, sleeting, icing, or just damn cold. By comparison, it's sunny and near 60 today. Makes no sense. Dust, I'm sorry you had to miss out this year. Maybe next year we'll come to your house, throw you on a Reeve's Sleeve in handcuffs, and bring you out. 'zilla