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You learn to compartmentalize. You look at your life and realize how lucky you are. You feel horrible for that specific patient and their family (some of which will stay in your memory for the rest of your life) but accept you have done everything you can and realize that there are 100s-1000s after that one that will need you to bring your A-game and to not do so is not fair to them. You find people in your life or an internet forum\ who know what you are going through and lean on them and talk/scream until you are ready to bring on the A-game for the next person who needs it. Hugs to you Kate.

I'm a medical provider, not a god. I can't make decisions whether a person lives or dies, I can only do what I can to a point, then nature is going to decide the outcome. If all the medicine in the world isn't going to save my patient, well, people die. It's their grief, it shouldn't be yours. Does it suck? hell yeah, you want to be empathetic, but when you have a run of bad calls like that you need to go back and think about the good ones where you were actually able to make a difference, because sometimes regardless how hard you try, you can't save everyone.