Brady

Wish granted but now you are in a hot air balloon with Rev Al Sharpton, Don Imus, Gearge Bush Jr., and Paris Hilton and the balloon ride is a week long. I wish that my house could clean itself

Is it online? If it is can I get the info? thank you too!

Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back...or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did.... FIRST TESTIMONY: I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, 'How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?' I turned around and walked back out and never went back My husband didn't say a word...he knew better. SECOND TESTIMONY: I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, 'I think I like playing with men's balls.' THIRD TESTIMONY: My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, 'No, I'm just looking at your nuts.' My sister started to laugh hysterically. The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget. FOURTH TESTIMONY: While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving 'right now' she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, 'If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!' The silence was deafening! after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter. FIFTH TESTIMONY: Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean. Then realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while. I asked him if he needed to go, and he said 'No'. I kept thinking 'Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me.' Then I said, 'Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?' 'No,' he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, 'Danny, did you have an accident?' This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled 'SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!' While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better, thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had! LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY: This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any! We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: 'So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?' Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard! Now, didn't that feel good?

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to Dad. With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter: Dear Dad: It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice. But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it's not only the passion. Dad she's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy. In the meantime we will pray that science will fin d a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it. Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren. Love, your son John PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than a report card. That's in my center desk drawer. I love you. Call me when it's safe to come home.

Go to www.24-7emsnow.com and click on the start here button for 1.5 CEU hours. Its totally free and really fast and easy! The CE is CECBEMS approved. Just thought I'd let anyone know that is looking for hours, I know I always am.

I wish I had some will power to not overeat as I currently do (and that Tom Sawyer boat trip sounds inviting too, but that wish is for another day).

Our agency has integrated the internet in our IS, ICS, and NIMS training. I took the courses at www.fema.gov They were simple to understand, a ton of information, counts for CE's and will be very handy if the need come. If you want some extra training this is a nice way to refresh your memory from a previous class. Hope you enjoy. The courses required in our agency were POST, IS 100 A, IS 200A, IS 700A, and IS 800B.

One evening a Husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife, 'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in 'Slim Fast'. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!' His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unrewarded. The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. 'What the Hell is this?' he said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud appeared when he shook them out. 'April', he hollered into the bathroom, 'Why did you put Talcum Powder in my underwear?' She replied, 'It's not talcum powder; it's Miracle Grow'

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XbpEQbvskGg I have no idea how to make this just appear on the screen so you will have to go to the URL sorry for my stupidity.

One dark night in the small town of Garfield , NJ, a fire started inside the local sausage factory. In a blink the building was engulfed in flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around. When the first volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the sausage company president rushed to the fire chief and said, 'All of our secret sausage recipes are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved. I will donate $50,000 to the fire department that brings them out and delivers them to me.' But the roaring flames held the firefighters off. Soon more fire departments had to be called in because the situation became desperate.. As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer to rescue the secret recipes was now $100,000 to the fire department that could save them. Suddenly from up the road, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the fire engine of the nearby Lodi , NJ volunteer fire department composed mainly of Italian firefighters over the age of 65. To everyone's amazement, the little run-down fire engine, operated by these Italian firefighters, passed fire engines parked outside the plant, and drove straight into the middle of the inferno. Outside, the other firemen watched in amazement as the Italian old timers jumped off and began to fight the fire with a performance that was as if they were fighting to save their own lives. Within a short time, the Lodi old timers had extinguished the fire and saved the secret recipes. The grateful sausage company president joyfully announced that for such a superhuman accomplishment he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave elderly Italian firefighters. A TV news crew rushed in after capturing the event on film. The TV reporter asked the Italian fire chief, 'What are you going to do with all that money? ''Wella,' said Chief Pasquale De Luccinellavanti, the 70-year-old fire chief, 'de fursta tinga we gonnna do isza fixa uppa de brakes on dat fockinna truck!!'

Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out. Both were very faithful and loving wives, but they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers. Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery. One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them. Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them. She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that. After the girls did their business, they proceeded to go home. The next day one of the women's husbands was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said, "These girl nights out have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst... My wife came home with no panties!!" "That's nothing," said the other husband, "Mine came back with a card stuck to her ass that said..... "From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you!"

"Do you have any o2 on board?" this is what I got asked last week when we had to transfer a pt. Slap on the face...duh!! We have an o2 tank as tall as you. I get so sick of people and their stupidness.

BEST LAWYER STORY OF THE YEAR, DECADE AND PROBABLY THE CENTURY! A Charlotte, North Carolina lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against fire, among other things. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy the lawyer filed claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The lawyer sued.. and WON! (Stay with me.) Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer "held a policy from the company which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable fire" and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the cigars lost in the "fires". NOW FOR THE BEST PART... After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine. This is a true story and was the First Place winner in the recent Criminal Lawyers Award Contest. ONLY IN AMERICA! You are never given a dream without also given the power to make it come true!

Some of us have a real hard time trying to get things right. A bald man with a wooden leg is invited to a Halloween party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg so he writes to a costume company to explain his problem. A few days later, he received a parcel with the following note: Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief Will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate. Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co. The man thinks this is terrible because they have emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a letter of complaint. A week goes by and he receives another parcel and a note, which says: Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your Wooden leg and, with your bald head, you will really look the part. Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co. Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head so again he writes the company another nasty letter of complaint. The next day he gets a small parcel and a note, which reads: Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a bottle of molasses and a bag of crushed nuts. Pour the molasses over your bald head, pat on crushed nuts, stick your wooden leg up your a$$ and go as a caramel apple. Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co

Yeah its not just the individual who can't go back to the hotel, its the whole unit that gets banned from the hotel. Speaking from experience.

leave Britney alone...at first I thought it was a girl...thats a guy isn't it?! lol

You might be an EMT if you have been to more than one seminar on ethics. You might be an EMT if you are at a conference and you throw a CPR dummy otherwise known as Annie off the third story balcony into a swimming pool and yell "HELP MY FRIEND SHE CANT SWIM!" and the security guards jump in to save her.

So I'm out washing the ambulance and glance over at my neglected dusty car thinking why do I always find more joy in washing and detailing the ambulance than my own car and then I figured it out. so I'm gonna start a fun thing " You might be an EMT if..." and "You might be a fireman if..." go ahead and add on if you come up with anything. Here are some I came up with: You might be an EMT if your work truck out shines your personal vehicle. You might be an EMT if cutting off strangers clothes at work is considered protocol. You might be an EMT if a normal workday is a 24 hour shift or more. You might be a fireman if the average hose you use is 250 feet long. You might be a fireman if your brothers and sisters consist of all races, religions, and backgrounds in many different areas of the world. You might be a fireman if you don't get pranked while on shift today the guys are probably coming up with a doozie for tomorrow.

Bang! I think that you shot that one down. I truly believe that the best care we can give is not the IV or the o2 its the comfort that we give the pt's and their families. Except for the calls that the person is in a coma EMS is very much about bed side manners. I guess even if they are in a coma someone is still watching. And if you aren't enthusiastic about your job that day at least be courteous and kind.

In this area we just got a new device that straps around the chest and does compressions for CPR freeing up ER workers to do other things. They only use it in the ER not in the field. They did show this on tv however with a manakin wich was almost flipping off of the table. Very disturbing for someone who did not understand what was going on. I haven't seen it yet so this is just me rambling on. But I did find out that when they were doing CPR on this guy who was pretty much dead and they strapped it on crooked and it ended up splitting the side of his chest open. Thoughts on this advancement?

Thank you for your vote of confidence. I feel for the people who are still there.

I don't hate the dispatchers, but I do hate when they disregard what I say because they don't think its pertinent. If I ask is there police on the scene yet thats important to me. And a grunt or just keying the mic is not a sufficiant answer. I agree that there is alot going on. Here when you are in class some agencies make you go and spend a day with dispatch. I feel that is a good idea. But I have bad days too when a pt asks me a question and if I grunt that is not a job well done.

Talking on the subject of off the road I had a job at a plasma center and my position you had to be a nurse or an EMT or higher. As an EMT basic they expected me to give shots of atropine, benadryl, and start IV's. We worked under a dr's licence but there was no formal training for anything. This was very frustrating to me because it was all out of my scope of practice yet we had to sign a paper saying we knew what we were doing or we did not have a job. I don't work there anymore because of issues like this.