Kiwiology

Greetings from your cousin down under eh

Dude, impotence is the first sign of cardiovascular disease (as I was told by a Consultant Urologist) you'd better to get checked out Cool, if we give them smokes maybe they'll die faster so I can stay longer at the station and watch the telly, choice as bro no beached required!

Learning to talk Kiwi sweet as not even beached bro!

What in the bloody hell are you talking about mate, far out oi can't understand what we are on about, not like we're speaking anything too nunngered up to buggery, you must be wasted or something fella .. Confusing the hell out of other people with our funny speak ..... legend

NVCC appears on the CAAHEP/CoAEMSP list of accredited programs www.coaemsp.org

New Zealand: The Mexico of Australia

Bloody hell turnip i thought you were recruiting me eh Welcome

I like it, it'll get me away from that Consultant Physician who is attempting to talk like a Kiwi and let me use my knowledge of the entire spectrum of antibiotics, of which they are two, ceftriaxone and benzylpenicillin, man sounding like an orthopaedic surgeon right there

Well fine I was going to come to your house, cook up some steaks and we could get absolutely fucking blind drunk on the good $300 a glass stuff I bought at the airport but hmmph! up yours mate, I might just come by and pistol whip the shit out of you now Nah more than that now that we've let all the bloody Indians cab drivers with Masters Degrees in Engineering and Economis and Chinese students in LOL funny, you're getting the hang of it ... And yes, I am well adept at confusing Americans with Kiwi speak, oh and generic drug names like salbutamol

Hey don't try to be talking Kiwi now, that's like me trying to pass myself off as a Consultant Physician ... which I could probably do now that I think of it

First bloke is Super CrookTM so he's going to get a tube, second bloke needs some fluid to fix up his neurogenic shock provided we exclude internal bleeding (as confidently as we can), third bloke is DOA (ROLE) It's worth a chat on the ambo phone to the local hospital to see if they can accept these patients for initial stabilisation because there's no way in bloody hell that somebody can sit on a bag mask and ventilate the intubated fella for as long as its gonna take for the plane to get up here. I bet the poor SHO at the little hospital is going to have kittens when we roll up

Thats funny as shit eh oi y'know better than going to some totally bloody nunngered bloke in a road traffic accident

Eh don't talk crap mate you're a fat bastard sack of useless manure; me on the other hand, little old Nana's love me to death, I am King Shit LOL

Come on bloke, some American giving lessons on how to speak Kiwi, thats pretty nunngered as bro And if you say anything with the phrase "beached as" in it I am going to kick the shit out of you

Yes, and it was, in about 1991. Unfortunately times have changed and the old "not enough Firefighters want to be Paramedics so now we are going to make everybody be a Paramedic and that means minimum education is required coz we're sorta forcing it on them" thing y'know And WTF? A ladder truck is a massive, gargantoun piece of equipment that weighs many thousand of pounds and is designed for getting people down from high places, remind us why they are being sent to medical calls?

Yeah, we dont bankrupt people and ruin their lives with medical bill debt, shucks And prescriptions are only three bucks! I'll stop now

Houston Fire are the world's worst EMS system hands down They used to send their Firefighters to HCC Paramedic school but it was "too hard" so now they send every Firefighter up to some horrendously fucked up patch factory for a total of 12, yes twelve, weeks of instruction followed by a few hundred hours of skills "internship" and viola, they get their red patch Makes my eyes bleed seriously http://www.firehouse68.com/page2503419.html

House Officer/House Surgeon (from "medical officer of the house" or "hous chirurgeon") is a first year post-graduation doctor who a general dogs body that undertakes various "runs" through the different departments of the hospital e.g. ED, OB, gen surg, anaesthesia/pain, oncology, paed. Generally they must do at least two of six months duration. They are responsible for basic clinical assessment and treatment under the supervision of the Registrar or Consultant (sometimes must be the Senior Registrar) and can do a limited number of investigations and prescriptions however this varies significantly by hospital system (DHB). Some DHBs state the House Officers are unable to discharge patients independently or order CT scans etc. A lot of it is the fact a House Officer, while a Physician, does not have any specialist vocational training in the service they are working on e.g. they have no formal training in emergency medicine. A Senior House Officer is a second year or greater House Officer with at least one year of post-graduation experience, in reality there is no difference between an HO/SHO but it varies by DHB as to what they are allowed to do; e.g. in some places you must be a SHO or above to discharge people independently or run sole charge overnight. A Registrar is a Specialist Trainee (Junior or Senior) and a Consultant is a Specialist Physician. If memory serves me, in the US one must do some horrendous research project or something other than complete the required specialist vocational training to become a Fellow; here once you do your training you can use the appropriate post-nominal e.g. one can become a Fellow of the Australasian College for Emergency Medicine (FACEM) by completing both Part A and Part B of their training program and sitting the final exam. This sort of structure is fairly common outside the US/Canada and variations are used in the UK, AU, NZ, Europe and I think some places like India / Pakistan. <skip mention of MMC in the UK here> LOL House Officer/SHO > Registrar > Consultant Funny ... I should do another one

Sounds about right; when I was with United they had a bunch of other drugs e.g. atropine, ceftriaxone, amiodarone It could only be released to a Physician after verification of credential You want to know the scary part ... "basic instructions for use of drugs" dude WTF?

I think you're a Consultant yeah? Most of our hospitals have lots of jobs for specialist grade physicians - esp Emergency Medicine ... can you change planes twice and spend 24 hours getting here? You won't have to deal with "bro I can't pay my bill!" but you dohave to deal with that strange species called House Officers/House Surgeon which the US/Canada doesn't seem to have My extremely strange upbringing and psychological instability makes me great at dealing with the weird fuckers you get out there on the street; Now, excuse me, I'm off to read the DSM-IV

All commercial airliners have an emergency medical kit which is sort of what you blokes would think of as an "ALS" bag with an AED; it's got a small selection of drugs (adrenaline, amiodarone, atropine, paracetamol, usually an antibiotic eg ceftriaxone or benzylpenicillin etc), an IV kit and some have intubation equipment as well but many now just have an LMA or other LMA-like adjunct. The scenario you describe would be grounds for the plane to divert; either to somewhere in Europe, Iceland or Halifax or St Johns in Newfoundland depending on where it was but I know that's no fun Anyway this bloke needs the works, what do we find?

I don't expect thanks, its nice for somebody to say it because sometimes people genuinely are quite grateful e.g. Nana picked up off floor but it's just an added bonus

Aw man you killed the debautched party how could you do that?

Touche good sir; have I mentioned I am also a Consultant Kiwiologist? Hmm this bloke looks a bit crook, nurse, 500 cc's of All Blacks stat!

Guilty bro LOL So the question is, what do Kiwi's bring except a funny accent and odd-sounding medicines like GTN and salbutamol? Dude, you almost made me spit my whisky all over the keyboard!