I work for a private company in the NY area. I've been an EMT for a year and worked there for a year. My female partner and I have been working a double shift once a week since I started there, she's my only permanent partner out of the entire work week. She's been doing this for a few years, so she's more experienced than I am. I usually tech and she usually drives (she prefers driving).
We tend to get along very well, laugh, tell jokes, and what not. We tell each other secrets, she is not a 'rat' or a 'boss's pet' in any sense of the word. She gets stressed easily and tends to shout when she's upset about someone or something. So when she's telling me about someone who upset her, it may look (to someone else) like she's shouting at me or upset at me when she's just telling a story. She has a lot going on in her life. So do I, the difference is I don't react the way she does.
The problem is this... sometimes on some calls here and there, she tends to get sarcastic or say something embarrassing if I forgot to do something or didn't notice something. It could be the smallest things too. Like if I ask her something that was already answered for me by someone else but PERHAPS I was focusing on some other important detail and didn't get that one, then she'll say something to the effect of "Um, yeah, that's what she just said... like 3 times, wake up". You know what I mean?
I'll give you a few situations that actually happened:
SCENARIO 1: We had an elderly patient who can walk with no problem. So when we dropped him off at his house after getting out of the hospital, I went to line up the stretcher with his bed. My partner, agitated, said "Why are you going through all that? He can walk, remember?"
Ok, I appreciate the reminder, but was it necessary to say it the way you said it? It makes me, an EMT who's been doing this for a year, look like a fool in front of this man and his wife/family when that's the last thing I want to look like in front of any patient, nurse, doctor, EMT, etc. Why did I do this though? Out of REPETITION, the patients we usually get are bed bound or need some type of assistance getting from one bed to the next, so the "Line up the bed" formula was already engraved in my brain over and over again, that's why I accidentally did that. Sheesh.
SCENARIO 2: Went to pick up this woman who was demented from a hospital to take her home along with her caretaker. Being that I was the tech, I did what I usually did: Went to get the Past Medical History, Medication list, Allergies, DOB, insurance, SSN, find out why she was admitted, and get the PCS signed (aka the reason why the patient needs a stretcher).
So I approached the nurse and she acted like a complete ding dong, "Oh why do you need to know all of that?", I looked at her like she had two heads. Anyway, she gave me the chart, and I asked her to sign the PCS sheet and she's like "Look, I don't know, she was just brought here" or something to that effect.
So my partner, who was all mad and flustered, said to me in front of EVERYBODY "Come on, forget it, let's go, you're getting me aggravated!". After the call, she was like "You should have been known that that nurse was not gonna sign that PCS form", I told her I understood that but I was simply trying to do my job, in my mind I felt it was better to ask her regardless than to leave on a Non-Emergency call without asking her to sign it because those ARE required for non-emergency calls.
I just hate when she does things like this because it makes me look stupid, it de-edifies me, makes me stressed and lose confidence in myself, and it makes me scared of her because now I have to be 1000% aware of what I do and say around her, because God forbid I say or do the wrong thing and then its another reason for me to look bad in front of people. I know she's experienced than me and everything, but Jesus, there's a right way of correcting somebody and then there's a wrong way.
If it was me, I would have just kindly told my partner, "Yo dude, nah man, don't worry about the PCS, it's okay, let's just go". Now THAT is a MUCH better way of putting it as opposed to what she said to me.
SCENARIO 3: We're simply driving down to a Post after hours and one of those cameras on top of street light flashed as we drove past. She was like what do you know, it went off. I was like what was that? Then she got ALL bent out of shape and was like "Oh come on, do you know how many times we drove past that camera/light since we started working together?". I told her Sorry but that's not something I would typically remember "like that". She said "Well, wake up, they've been around for the past 10 years". I just wanted to jump out of the ambulance at that point, dig up my mom's body, and ask her why I was born. To be quite honest, that street light/camera I somewhat remembered but not exactly, it's not something I would put in my long term memory as its not important to me, SHE on the other hand may be more inclined to notice it OFTEN because she's the driver and I'm in the Tech seat. And after a 16 hour double, a camera is the last thing I want to think about.
I really hate it because what she does brings back memories of when I was growing up - I used to be the shy guy whom people would pick on and de-edify or try to make me look stupid or walk all over me. Think what you want, but those memories traumatized me, so with my partner saying similar things to me is not gonna aide my recovery any sooner. Top it all off, the last thing I want is to be de-edified and talked down to after my mother whom I love so much dies, my childhood best friend kills himself, and my father who doesn't care abandons me for some younger woman - ALL within 12 MONTHS. Now ask yourself, after going through all of that, would you want your partner to talk down to you and be mean?
The tricky thing is when all of this is not going on, when there's no patients to deal with, we get along EXTREMELY well, it's unbelievable.
Any advice/insight?