Well then...I am trying to decide where to begin here. I agree with the other guys...if you wanna be a tech, be a tech and stick with it. If you are just becoming a tech to use that as a means to be a firefighter...that doesn't sit right with me. I will share the following with you only because you are being honest with us by revealing your true intentions as far as your job aspirations.
I have been in this business for 12 years. Started as a vollie EMT/Firefighter and now I work as a paid AEMT (I still vollie on my days off). I have seen a lot of death in 12 years. Some of it not so pretty. Everyone is going to die sometime and you just have to accept that. Hell, you are going to die eventually...hopefully later in life than sooner.
I can tell you that I grew up in the fire department, my Dad was a single parent and joined when I was 4 years old so I spent a lot of time around the guys and the lifestyle. It was just natural for me to follow in his footsteps.
The first time I saw a dead body was at age 18 when my great grandmother passed away in my presence. Emotionally it hurt because she was a relative. Yeah, it sucked.
I joined the FD the next year and not too long after that I did CPR on my first cardiac arrest ever. They called it in the ER and I went into the washroom and cried for 10 minutes. We sat around the firehouse talking about it afterward and I haven't reacted that way since.
You just take it as it comes...if they die, they die. You did all you could to help them but we can't save them all.
Haunted by a patient? Bothered by an outcome? Not really...the pedi calls get to you more than the calls for adults but you learn to deal with that too.
As much as I know the next call could involve death/dying, I still go to work every day. The live patients that I work with are more my concern and I feel truly rewarded when I can help someone at the worst moment of their life.
I'd recommend you vollie if you can...you will get experience and let you know if you are cut out for the job.
Some aren't and they find out too late.
Good luck to you and hope to see you around the forum.