Worked my youngest child last October....1 month old when he aspirated after vomiting. Wife found him already apneic, cyanotic and screamed for me. Suctioned him out and did rescue breathing until he started breathing again which seamed like an eternity. Fire arrived and by that time he was breathing again. We did blow by until the medic unit arrived. They were freaked out a bit because it was the crew that had relieved me that morning and they new were I lived. Transported him and I didn't leave his side....and did great until I walked outside the ER to make a phone call and it hit me what exactly happened. I broke down and cried and don't ever remember crying like that. In 14 years of working fulltime on an ambulance I have never cried probably because I disconnect myself from the situation which I've figured out has help me survive. That's not to say I've never been heartbroken by a situation or never been teared up, but just never cried. I know old medics that I've seen pretty heartbroken and teared up but most of the time their emotions are kept in check. I found out the hard way it's different when its your own....623