Affairs are affairs,,,period. No way to sugar coat it. We are not counselors although we have worked in ministry yet we do not proclaim to be anyone of higher value other than an unimportant couple that has been there hoping to help other couples. Simply speaking from experience is where we are, going on 24 years of marriage. We did not "both" choose to have an affair although we "both" suffered the distruction it had on our marriage.
A "symptom" is a sign of a bigger issue or disease. If your nose is running you could have a cold, the flu or a number of things. The running nose is not what your diagnoses is, it would be what is causing your nose to run.
We are not "thinking" this is a stand alone "issue" as you say to hold up for blame...it's proven. I have been in the fire service for almost 30 years and have seen more divorces happen because of an affair than not.
Fire and EMS service are in the top ten professions of having the largest divorce rate.