Happiness

Trap squeeze or sternum rub for me has always worked. I normally dont take shoes and socks off until my full assessment and personally I think I need to know my LOC before that. Also if I think the pt is faking I take the hand and let it go just above the face, if they smack themselves in the face I was wrong........

We are a on call station. We take turns but there are times when it is the first one there is the one that takes out the car so they drive. We also have a 2 man crew but can call others in if needed

Subject: Norwegian Virgin Wedding. Olof Svenson, out in his pasture in northern Minnesota , took a lightning-quick kick from a cow...right in his crotch. Writhing in agony, he fell to the ground. ...As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor. He said: "How bad is it Doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next veek and my fiancé, Lena , is still a Virgin -- in every vay." ... The doctor told him, "Olof, I'll have to put your Villy in a splint to let it heal, and keep it straight. It should be okay next week, but leave it on dere as long as you can." He took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided splint, and taped it all together...quite an impressive work of art. Olof mentioned none of this to Lena, married her, and they went on their honeymoon to Duluth . That night in the Motel 6, Lena ripped open her blouse to reveal her beautiful, untouched breasts. She said: "Olof...you're the first vun. No vun has EVER seen deez. Olof immediately dropped his pants and replied: "Look at dis Lena ..... still in DA CRATE." NOW THAT THERE'S FUNNY, I DON'T CARE WHO YA ARE !

I am writing to say what an excellent product you have. I've used it all of my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am in my fifties I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to belittle me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with his blood on my new white blouse! I grabbed my bottle of Tide with bleach alternative, to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative. Then my attorney called and said that I was no longer considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband. What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having a great product. Well, gotta go. I have to write to the Hefty bag people.

I will warn you this video is very graffic and some of the scenes are pretty disturbing. As I said in the parenting thread we dont always know what has happened previously to someone recording something...... Here is an example I wittnessed about two weeks ago. I was at the gas station and I saw a RCMP officer trying to talk to a person who is known for violence and severe ETOH abuse. After a few minutes of the cop being patient the guy took a swing and hit the cop in the head. Needless to say the guy hit a 6ft 6 350 lb cop and he didnt fair to well when he was having handcuffs placed on his wrists. So someone starts to video this incident but all the taping is the arrest, they weren't on the scene to witness the cop getting hit. So now if it posted anywhere on social media the public is only seeing one part of a story. The first scene you see a man come out of a Carl's restaurant with his face covered and carrying an axe i think, he threatens a cop and gets shot 5 times. So there is an outrage of police brutality but do we know what happened in that restaurant NOPE. We have to beware what we think is the truth if it is on the internet and remember there is normally a story before the video.........

Well as a parent who tried inventave ways to disapline my boys (most of them did what I wanted them to do) I really have to say I was not offended at all by this post. He took a situation that was started on facebook and ended it on facebook. The one thing about the internet is that you never get the whole story of what happened before this particular parent felt he had to do this post. Really he could have given her a cardboard sign and put her on the corner we have seen that done, and dont forget the dunce cap, so we really have had public humiliation in society for a long time. This is just a new way to do it. And I bet she isn't going to post insulting things against her family anymore. I have enjoyed social media as a source to communicate with my children. My youngest can be moody to say the least and it may sound stupid but we communicated through FB chat even if he was sitting beside me. Now this wasn't the only way we talked but he was better able to type down words then to actually say them. I also have used it to kind of keep track of what he is up to now that he is on his own. I think that it is in all how you use the new tools that are going to make the difference.

I will warn you on this one. It is typical british humor and if you dont like their humor you wont like this. Enjoy http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/81447597/

TheRedneck went to thehospital as his wife was having a baby. Upon arriving, the Nurse says Congratulations, Your wife has had quints, 5 big baby boys." The Redneck says, "I'm not surprised, I have a penis on me like a chimney." The nurse replies, "You might want to consider getting it cleaned, The babies are all black."

My Dog’s Secret My dog sleeps about 20 hours a day. He has his food prepared for him. He can eat whenever he wants. His meals are provided at no cost to him. He visits the Dr. once a year for his checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this he pays nothing, and nothing is required of him. He lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than he needs, but he is not required to do any upkeep. If he makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. He has his choice of luxurious places to sleep. He receives these accommodations absolutely free. He is living like a King, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of his costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day. I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head....... I think my dog is a member of Congress!

I'm married... my memory isn't that good. ya ya ya My husband went to the dr and a question was "are you sexually active" Not missing a beat hubby said "nope I'm Married" As to the original subject just so you know I didn't laugh to long I also am a frequent flyer but I have limited my fluid intake and if there is a bathroom available I use it. Those are the only things that I can suggest. You may want to see a dr to see if there are other things available to ya....................

Subject: Fw: Two ladies talking in heaven 1st woman: Hi! My name is Wanda. 2nd woman: Hi! I'm Kelly. How'd you die? 1st woman: I Froze to Death. 2nd woman: How Horrible! 1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you? 2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV. 1st woman: So, what happened? 2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died. 1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive "Laughter is the best medicine." Subject: marriage Marriage (Part I) Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules: I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?' His new bride said, 'No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night... whether you're here or not.' (SHE'S GOOD!) Marriage (Part II) Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary! The husband yells, 'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever.' 'Yeah?' she replies. 'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last.'' Marriage (Part III) Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, 'And you are no good in bed either,' and storms out of the house. After sometime he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, 'what took you so long to answer the phone?' She says, 'I was in bed. ''In bed this early, doing what?' 'Getting a second opinion!' (YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!) Marriage (Part IV) A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife,' Mother of Six' in spite of her objections. One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, 'Shall we go home 'Mother of six?' His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion shouts right back, 'Anytime you're ready, Father of Four.' God may have created man before woman but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

Children Writing About the Ocean... 1) - This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly, age 6) 2) - Oysters' balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age 6) 3) - If you are surrounded by ocean, you are an island. If you don't have ocean all round you, you are incontinent. (Mike, age 7) 4) - Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson . She's not my friend any more. (Kylie, age 6) 5) - A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of its head. (Billy, age 8) 6) - My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a woman and pots and comes back with crabs. (Millie, age 6) 7) - When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn't blow the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off eating beans. (William, age 7) 8) - Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful and I like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like, really? (Helen, age 6) 9) - I'm not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother is always crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy, age 6) 10) - Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves in to chargers. (Christopher, age 7) 11) - When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin, age 6) 12) - Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky, age 8) 13) - On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water fired right up her big fat ass. (Julie, age 7) 14) - The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don't drown I don't know. (Bobby, age 6) 15) - My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean. What he doesn't know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom. (James, age 7) If you didn't smile at one of these, you need to find a better sense of humor.

Ten Thoughts to Ponder Number 10 Life is sexually transmitted. Number 9 Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. Number 8 Men have two emotions : Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich . Number 7 Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years. Number 6 Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospitals, dying of nothing. Number 5 All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism. Number 4 Why does a slight tax increase cost you $800.00, and a substantial tax cut saves you $30.00? Number 3 In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal. Number 2 Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers--what you do today, might burn your a$$ tomorrow. And The Number 1 Thought - - - as someone recently said to me: "Don't worry about old age - it doesn't last that long."

Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America, Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as 'HILLBILLIES.' You must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS. And furthermore, HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT: 1. She is not a 'BABE' or a 'CHICK' - She is a BREASTED AMERICAN. ' 2. She is not 'EASY' - She is 'HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.' 3. She is not a 'DUMB BLONDE' - She is a 'LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.' 4. She has not 'BEEN AROUND' - She is a 'PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.' 5. She does not 'NAG' you - She becomes ' VERBALLY REPETITIVE.' 6. She is not a 'TWO-BIT HOOKER' - She is a ' LOW COST PROVIDER.' HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT: 1. He does not have a 'BEER GUT' - He has developed a 'LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.' 2. He is not a 'BAD DANCER' - He is ' OVERLY CAUCASIAN.' 3.. He does not 'GET LOST ALL THE TIME' - He ' INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.' 4. He is not 'BALDING' - He is in 'FOLLICLE REGRESSION.' 5. He does not act like a 'TOTAL ASS' - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.' (Loved this one!) 6. It's not his 'CRACK' you see hanging out of his pants - It's 'TROUSER CLEAVAGE.'

Not that she shouldn't be heard but I always have a problem when anyone state's "I was sexually harrassed" when things don't go their way. Would the shower comments be an issue if there was a letter for employment and not the ones she recieved.

If you take this bad experience and make it a learning one then all is good. The guy didn't die and you and your partner are not being sued "yahooo". Dont fret on it to long, everyone of us have made or not made decisions on that internal holy shit button, some turn out and some dont. The earlier you realize that it will make your career a bit more enjoyable. I dont understand why you wouldn't feel that you could ask a question at the time of all of this, as in the end it is all about learning right. So one question I have were you around when the medic was getting the nursing report ? The reason I ask is maybe this person had a DNR or something else was going on that you may not have been aware of. As for staying calm when all is going down the drain it all comes with experience, and so you know even the ones with experience are freaking inside its just they have learned to hide it well, I know I do................ good luck in you future adventures

My question would be what is an acceptable level of O2. If using the pulseox do they want it at 80% or should it be 95%.

Im going with ascetis. But since the pic has a beer bottle on his belly Im thinking you may find a case or two of beer in autopsy......

I want to see pictures of you after you try to teach an Aussie how to drink hee hee .......have fun

http://bodyodd.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/01/06/10009107-penis-tattoo-gives-guy-permanent-erection I knew a guy that had a snake tattoed on his little gentlman once and to say the least it was a bit disturbing

The Funniest Staff Meeting Ever! The boss of a Madison Avenue advertising agency called a spontaneous staff meeting in the middle of a particularly stressful week. (This is one pretty sharp boss!) When everyone gathered, the boss, who understood the benefits of having fun, told the burnt out staff the purpose of the meeting was to have a quick contest. The theme: Viagra advertising slogans. The only rule was they had to use past ad slogans, originally written for other products that captured the essence of Viagra. Slight variations were acceptable. About 7 minutes later, they turned in their suggestions and created a Top 10 List.. With all the laughter and camaraderie, the rest of the week went very well for everyone! The top 10 were: 10. Viagra, Whaazzzz up! 9. Viagra, The quicker pecker picker upper. 8. Viagra, like a rock ! 7. Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight. 6. Viagra , Be all that you can be. 5. Viagra, Reach out and touch someone. 4. Viagra, Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman. 3. Viagra, Home of the whopper! 2. Viagra, We bring good things to Life! And the unanimous number one slogan: 1. This is your peepee... This is your peepee on drugs

I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military. They've got the whole thing ass-backwards. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35. For starters, researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy. Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. 'My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry.' We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for awhile.. An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10am. Old guys always get up early to pee, so what the hell. Besides, like I said, I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical son-of-a-bitch. If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser. Boot camp would be easier for old guys.. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we're used to soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling. They could lighten up on the obstacle course however... I've been in combat and never saw a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training. Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too... I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet. An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head. These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way. Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons, who know that their best years are already behind them. You could also recruit Women over 50...in menopause!!! You think MEN have attitudes?? Ohhhhhhhhhhhh my God!!! If nothing else, put them on border patrol. They'll have it secured the first night! Send this to all of your senior friends...(it's in big type so they can read it.)

congrats take lots of pictures remember you were a teenager once and also it dosn't matter what they do wrong it will be funny one day

Welcome to the city I hope you have thick skin, we are a different kind of herd here

well can you feel the boot in your ass for leaving us for so long. now perv if you do it again your going to get a spanking like you have never had before sure missed our resident perv. Now on topic, one thing I have noticed is when a patient says "I'm sorry i called you guys" our or my response is "thats okay thats why we are here" so do you think with those types of comments we encourage that type of behaviour in our patients. I try not to encourage bad behaviour but what do you say "dont call me again" and then they die. Its all the little boy who cried wolf syndrom.