Happiness

A tough looking group of Harley bikers were riding when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge so they stop. The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?" "I'm going to commit a suicide," she says. While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity, so he asked, "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a Kiss?" So, she does and it was a long, deep lingering kiss. After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best Kiss I have ever had. That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous why are you committing suicide?" "My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl......"

:thumbsup:Sounds like my Husbands job. A local heavy equipment operator, well at least he can dig the 6 ft hole if needed

The only time I have had a nurse ride along with me is if there is a med being run through a IV that I am not qualified to run. I havnt heard of a nurse going with us to get qualifications.

I like the first one lmao Garage Door The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open.. His assistant walked up to him and said, 'This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?' The boss told her he knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the question. As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and zipped it up. He then understood his assistant's question about his 'garage door.' He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, 'When my garage door was open, did you see my Hummer parked in there?' She smiled and said, 'No, I didn't. All I saw was an old mini van with two flat tires.. Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?' Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.' 'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?' 'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.' Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital. After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him. 'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.' Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a check up, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember .. Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks. 'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?' 'Sure..' 'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks. 'No, I can remember it.' 'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so not to forget it?' He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.' 'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks. Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!' Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.. She stares at the plate for a moment. 'Where's my toast ?' A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: 'So I hear you're getting married?' 'Yep!' 'Do I know her?' 'Nope!' 'This woman, is she good looking?' 'Not really.' 'Is she a good cook?' 'Naw, she can't cook too well.' 'Does she have lots of money?' 'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.' 'Well, then, is she good in bed?' 'I don't know.' 'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?' 'Because she can still drive!' Three old guys are out walking. First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?' Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!' Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer..' Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?' Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'' The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.' One more.. . .! A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?' 'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'

Here is a call that reminds me sort of like Annies, had it 2 days ago, Go to helipad and pick up pt with Chest pain will be arriving in 20 min. 55 yr old male. History of a heart defect that was detected 10 years ago and has had a pigs valuve replacement. They discovered this defect when he had the heart attack. Pt. talking if full sentences no SOB, BP 134/78, pulse 60, regular,(no artery on left arm due to heart surgery),color a bit flushed, Blood sugar 5.8, Resps 16 regual. No chest pain = expansion. No numbness and tingly, but did state his hands felt tingly just befor he fainted. His hearing also just before fainting he said was like yelling in a culvert. = grips, eyes = and reactive, abdom soft and no guarding x4, no abdom pain. He feels alittle fatuiged but has been sleeping well, No swelling in lower extremities and has been compliant with his med, and Im sorry I cant remember what the are. He was on heart meds and bp meds. He had just gotten over the flu a week ago. Pt has had a full breakfast and is logging truck driver. He states that he has had periods of fatuge during the morning hrs after climbing in and out of truck. At noon felt dizzy and fainted. He was out for just seconds. At 12:45 same feeling but did not faint. First aid attendent did great job in his vitals and they were recorded every 15 mins, and were consistant. Only thing he noted was that once in awhile he would go pale. (he did not do this in front of me) When we got to the hospital they did an ECG (i didnt see it) my partner looked at it and since we have very little experience in it all we can really tell is something looks wrong. He saw something and had a little discussion with the nurse, shrug his sholders and said it could be anything. When I looked at this pt I would have said he was a fairly healthy looking fellow for his age, freindly and polite. had no complaints what so ever. 4 hrs later he was on a medivac to an off island hospital (i didnt do that transfer so I dont have all the details)with a doctor and a crew. The next day we were told that he had a disected aorta. Now I do not know if this gentleman died or made it to surgery, but I am sure we will find out later. It always amazes me how medical emergency's can change like a flip of a coin. And thank god he didnt have chest pain as he had a perscription for Nitro and in our protocol it involves ASA. I didnt give him any.

A chicken farmer went to a local bar.... Sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne.. The woman perks up and says, 'How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne,too!' 'What a coincidence' the farmer says. 'This is a special day for me..... I am celebrating' 'This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating!' says the woman. 'What a coincidence!' says the farmer! As they clinked glasses the man asked, 'What are you celebrating?' 'My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynecologist told me that I am pregnant!' 'What a coincidence,' says the man. 'I'm a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs.' 'That's great!' says the woman. 'How did your chickens become fertile?' 'I used a different cock,' he replied. The woman smiled and said, 'What a coincidence.' ........................................................................ Three Hillbillies are sitting on a porch shootin' the breeze. 1st Hillbilly says: 'My wife sure is stupid!....She bought an air conditioner. ' 2nd Hillbilly says: 'Why's that stupid?' 1st Hillbilly says: 'We ain't got no 'lectricity!' 2nd Hillbilly says: 'That's nuthin'! My wife is so stupid, she bought one of them new fangled warshin' machines!' 1st Hillbilly says: 'Why's that so stupid?' 2nd Hillbilly says: ''Cause we ain't got no plummin'!' 3rd Hillbilly says: 'That ain't nuthin'! My wife is dumber than both yer wives put together! I was going through her purse the other day lookin' fer some change, and I found 6 condoms in thar.' 1st and 2nd Hillbillies say: 'Well, what's so dumb 'bout that?' 3rd Hillbilly says: 'She ain't got no dick!! ............................................................................ A balaclava wearing robber burst into a Red Deer Bank and forced the tellers to load a sack full of cash. On his way out the door a brave Red Deer customer grabbed the balaclava and pulled it off revealing the robber's face. The robber shot the customer without a moment's hesitation. He then looked around the bank and noticed one of the tellers looking straight at him. The robber instantly shot him also. Everyone else, by now very scared, looked intently down at the floor in silence. The Robber yelled, "Well, did anyone else see my face?" There are a few moments of utter silence, in which everyone was plainly afraid to speak. ..... Then one old man tentatively raised his hand and said, "My wife got a good look at you."

Those of us who fall into the world of business should take note of the importance of correct grammar. I have noticed that many of you, who email me, have forgotten the "art" of capitalization. (Too much "texting" on your phone?) Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse. I hope I've made myself clear.

Actually there is a book called A&P for dummies

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mRAHOuamUiI

MAMA'S Gifts Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers, and prospered. Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who lived far away in another city. The first said, "I had a big house built for Mama." The second said, "I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in the house." The third said, "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her." The fourth said, "You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you know she can't read anymore because she can't see very well. I met this preacher who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took twenty preachers 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years to the church, but it was worth it. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it." The other brothers were impressed. After the holidays Mom sent out her Thank You notes. She wrote: " Milton , the house you built is so huge; I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway." "Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home; I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks." "Michael, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound, it could hold 50 people, but all of my friends are dead; I've lost my hearing and I'm nearly blind. I'll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same." "Dearest Bob, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you. Luv Ya, Mama."

> The Hotel Bill > > > An elderly lady decided to give herself a big treat for her significant birthday by staying overnight in one of London 's most expensive hotels. > > When she checked out next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for £250.00. > > She exploded and demanded to know why the charge was so high. "It's a nice hotel but the rooms certainly aren't worth £250.00 for just an overnight stop without even breakfast." > > The clerk told her that £250.00 is the 'standard rate' so she insisted on speaking to the Manager. > > The Manager appeared and forewarned by the desk clerk announced: "the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference centre which are available for use." > > 'But I didn't use them," she said. > > ''Well, they are here, and you could have," explained the Manager. > > He went on to explain that she could also have seen one of the in-hotel shows for which the hotel is famous. "We have the best entertainers from Edinburgh , Glasgow , and Aberdeen performing here," the Manager said. > > "But I didn't go to any of those shows," she said. > > "Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replied. > > No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, she replied, "But I didn't use it!" > > The Manager was unmoved, so she decided to pay, wrote a cheque and gave it to the Manager. > > The Manager was surprised when he looked at the cheque. "But madam, this cheque is only made out for £50.00." ''That's correct. I charged you £200.00 for sleeping with me," she replied. > > "But I didn't!" exclaims the very surprised Manager. > > "Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have." > > Don't mess with Senior Citizens

Well at least one American get us

Old guys are always considerate. I was in Costco the other day, pushing a cart around, when I collided with a young guy also pushing his cart. I said to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going.." The young guy says, "That's OK. It's just a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate." So, I said, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?" The young guy says, "Well, she is 24 years old, tall, with blond hair, green eyes, long legs, big boobs and she's wearing tight white shorts, a halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?" I said, "Doesn't matter. Let's look for yours." Most old guys are helpful like that.

Awe here we go to the battle of the twits #1 Yes I am a member of BCAS. I dont recall saying in my post that I didnt support the strike as I am a pretty conciderate person for other beliefs, and please remember this is not my primary career, I do this job for my community. What I said is that, some jerk from the union threatened to get me fired because I was not being compliant in the job action, and I was not being compliant because I kept completing the Billing information and this was done because I always completed the information blocks on my forms as I do today. Make sense ? After that call I did become compliant, and hence here I am. #2 Now shall we get onto the last strike. That strike was more between the Government and the Union and didn't have alot of input from the paramedics themselves unless it involved bad behaviour. The Union tried to make BCAS not show up for the Olympic's and to not have the employee's do any overtime. First the Olympic's did the union really think that the Olympic's were going to not happen if the paramedics didn't show up. That was their idea and many others from other provinces supported that action, but in reality there were many paramedics from BC that joined up and I know a few of them. This was a once in a lifetime opportunity for our paramedics to be part of Olymic's and there were some fringe benifits that went with going. If you remember correctly there was an actual black list of those paramedics and they were threatened, some of their homes were damaged with their families terrified inside and alot of them had their tires slashed ect. Have you Squint heard about any of those rouge paramedics being charge for anything....nope because it has been pushed under the rug by the union,and is now concidered "One of those things we dont talk about". Now to the stopping of overtime, I do get this and I think that the Government was a bully to go to court and get the injunction that stated "If you were able to pull extra time before the strike you are required to do it now" but on the other side of that coin, who is going to suffer the most if the paramedics didn't do the OT. Have pts be taken care of by Managers that have been out of the field for years, that dosn't sound right to me. In this strike I did do what I was told out of respect of my fellow paramedics. I didn't really want to after all of the bad behaviour but I did. And FYI Squint please keep in mind with these strike's it isn't the part timers that benifit, it is the full time employee's yet I pay the same union dues and only get half the benifits. I personally feel that I am very well paid for my job. If you think about it through labour laws, if I am called out I get paid for 4 hrs. Most of the time my call lasts for 1.5 hrs and many times less. I even get paid for the calls that get cancelled and I do nothing. My wage on an hourly rate goes from 26 to 104 per hour. Like I said before I do this for my community but I do understand that a full timers postition is harder as they have higher living costs and I do, do my part in supporting them. Well there you go from one twit to another and so you know I am not a hypocrite in this matter what so ever but if you keep looking my way you will discover things I can be called a hyporite for. Again why cant someone call me on the good part of my post Happy

My mother must be bored as she is sending me these things or she is saying in this case my mind is not sharp. This is suppose to keep your mind sharp. All you have to do is get the curser over the number (you dont have to click the mouse) from 1 to 33. My first try was 93 seconds. enjoy http://www.chezmaya.com/jeux/game33.htm

OK JP I'm not sure if your refering to me and the IWA as the soft wood lumber,if so, you really read that wrong. It had nothing to do with that period. As for you Squint Yes you are BAD. But the point is that most unions do not support the good employees and most of the time it isnt the good ones that are running to the union, it is the ones that need to go. I did notice no one commented on the fact that I did say there was a time that Unions were a great resource for the employment arena.

So first of all I will say I am not a union person (my grandfather will be rolling in his grave) Yes I am a part of a union because I have to be, it is what it is and if I want to continue this job i am. So in my experiense with I.W.A.(not my union I also am a bean counter) we had two employee's verbally and phyically assualt a manager of a forestry company that was getting our organization to complete a survey. This mananger sent in a written report, it was investigated, they both admitted to their actions and they were fired. The union became involved and after a 2 year fight we had to not only hire them back we had to pay them compensation. This was wrong at every level. After this these two thought they could do whatever, when ever they wanted. They are both gone now thank god. Now when we (BCAS) were on strike about 10 years ago, one of the action items was to not write in the billing information on our forms. I continued doing this only because I was use to doing so, not because I was against the action. Then one day our union called me and told me if I kept on doing this they were going to take away my "Good Standing" and I wouldn't be able to work again. This was not said to me nicely this was a threat to me, even after I explained what was what. I told the guy to go *&^%&*& himself and hung up on him. I am still in Good Standing and I found away around his crap. In my opinion Unions do back up the bad employee's and very rarely help the ones that are compliant. I truely believe that Unions back in the day did have a purpose and they did some great things for employee's but there are better labour laws these days and most things can worked out with communication. If you want to get your organization unionized please make sure that you weigh the pro's and con's because in most cases you only need certain % to get in one, but if you want out it is 100%. As for the Smoking in an Ambulance I truely think that if you have employee's doing this they should be fired it is such a saftey issue and just stupid who wants to placed in vehical that smells like tobacco. And so you know I am a smoker. Good luck in your research on this topic happy

This is pretty funny, my husband showed it me this morning........

this is just a fun little game to play when you a few seconds to spare http://www.ibogleif.dk/spil/flashspil/minigolf/minigolf.swf