Happiness

RIP Retread and my condolences to the family

EMBARRASSING MEDICAL EXAMS 1. A man comes into the ER and yells . . .' My wife's going to have her baby in the cab.' I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - - - and I was in the wrong one. Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald , San Francisco 2... At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. 'Big breaths,'. . . I instructed. 'Yes, they used to be,'. . .replied the patient. Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes , Seattle , WA 3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a 'massive internal fart.' Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg 4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications.. ' Which one ?'. .. . I asked. 'The patch... The Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it !' I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one. Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair , Norfolk , VA 5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, 'How long have you been bedridden?' After a look of complete confusion she answered . . . ' Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive.' Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson- Corvallis , OR 6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a man I asked . . .' So how's your breakfast this morning?' ' It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste.'. .. . Bob replied. I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced a foil packet labeled 'KY Jelly.' Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf , Detroit , 7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered . . . It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery.. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it there was a tattoo that read . . .' Keep off the grass.' Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said 'Sorry . . . had to mow the lawn.' Submitted by RN no name, AND FINALLY!! ! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB. I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams... To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said. . . ' I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?' She replied with tears running down her cheeks from laughing so hard . . . ' No doctor but the song you were whistling was . . . ' I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener .' ' Dr. wouldn't submit his name.... enjoy

Standing in chest deep water,freezing rain falling and stinging as it hits the exposed parts of my body. Holding her head above water to keep her from drowning until rescue could get there to cut her free--- BUT I'M JUST AN AMBULANCE DRIVER Comforting a 89 year old woman who just watch me and my partner cover the face of her husband of 64 years as he lay dead in their bathroom floor--- BUT I'M JUST AN AMBULANCE DRIVER On scene at an mva with mom trapped upside down in her car and her dead sons body laying on top of her without a second thought for my own safety I crawl into the wreckage to take C-spine control and calm the frantic lady--- BUT I'M JUST AN AMBULANCE DRIVER Called away from my just prepared meal to respond to the middle of B.F.E to a house with no numbers,no porch light on,nobody waiting to signal us in and they bitch because we took too long only to find out the patient left P.O.V ten minutes ago...so we smile and walk away from the verbal lashing only because we are JUST AMBULANCE DRIVERS Standing in the middle of the street at midnight on the wrong side of town trying to patch the holes and stop the bleeding of a 19 year old shooting victim with the occasional bullet whizzing past our heads we never break stride because this kids life is in our hands--- BUT I'M JUST AN AMBULANCE DRIVER Doing chest compressions on a 16 year old girl who decided this life was more than she could take.Her family screaming at us to help as though we are the ones who did this to her.Her lifeless body flailing about as the tube goes in and IV's being started, my arms and back burning from the pain of 30 minutes of CPR never once giving up, hoping she would make it through and over come whatever lead her to this bad decision---- BUT I'M JUST AN AMBULANCE DRIVER Death is all around me and still I go home to live my life I get kicked,hit,spit on, bled on, puked on.... I look into the eyes of a lifeless child at 7am and by 8 am i'm holding my child a little tighter and they know nothing about what happened. I have hundreds of hours of classroom time years of in the field experience I have challenged death and won I've helped the helpless Ive neglected my family for yours I find comfort in complete chaos I eat cold meals if I eat at all I work with no sleep for days at a time I miss birthdays, holidays and school functions I put myself in harms way for a total stranger on a daily basis ALL BECAUSE I AM JUST AN AMBULANCE DRIVER I AM AN AMBULANCE DRIVER!!! I DRIVE 90 MPH THROUGH CONGESTED TRAFFIC FULL OF PEOPLE WHO REFUSE TO YIELD RIGHT OF WAY WHILE MY PARTNER STANDS UNRESTRAINED IN THE BACK OF THIS SCREAMING LAND MISSILE SAVING YOUR LOVED ONES LIFE!! NEVER ONCE DOES HE QUESTION MY DRIVING HE KNOWS THAT AT THE END OF THIS SHIFT HE WILL GO HOME TO HIS FAMILY SAFELY BECAUSE I AM AN AMBULANCE DRIVER.... So please don't call us Ambulance drivers, we're paramedics. Highly trained and motivated medical professionals who, as you read, risk our lives to save yours. Also, when you see emergency lights in your rear-view mirror, pull to the RIGHT and stop. When we have our lights on, it's not just for fun. It's to get to a emergency as fast as we can or to take a critical patient to the hospital when seconds could mean life or death. Being a paramedic is dangerous enough, please don't risk our lives by not paying attention or disregarding our lights.

(breast pump)hummmmmm were there modifications to it,ohhhhhh so disturbing. we have really dont have anything wierd in our station unless you count the medics

Here we go again. I started out as a volly and now Im paid 2 bucks an hr pager pay and then when I get my call I get paid for 4 hrs. I think there are alot of people who start their career as a volly and decide to carry on and get the education that is neede. I do agree with not having the driver only idea. We have a few here and I have to say that yes I appreciate that they are driving for me but when it comes down to the brass facts I want someone that I DONT have to ask for every dam little thing I need. I want someone who can see that I need something and have it there or get it ready for me. Truely when a driver say's to the attendent "Thats not my job" there is something wrong with that system. Like I said I have nothing against volleys but driver onlys is not a good idea. I have a hard enough time thinking for myself little own for two.

Well I think people should just be who they are and if gay or whatever is it then so be it. When people who deny who they are only hurt themselves.

everything they said and I always say "treat others exactly the same way you want to be treated" oh and I see you already met Phil. Please if you have a young mind do not associate with him, he is like crack, he will curupt you before you know it.

Priest is gone bye bye Prostitute is gone chances are it will have something I dont want even if it may be second hand Lawyer bye bye should have been outside when the bomb hit in the first place

I cant remember my first real DUH (i do but am way to embarrassed to say it) but here is one that I thought was good. Now i do not normally do night shifts but will occationaly leave my pager on in case there is a second page for a code 3. Of course it comes in a 4:00 am and it is an unresponsive female. So off we go and I start to wake up, go into the house and realize that my patient is the sister in law that is not allowed into my house (for various reasons im not allowed to say). So trying to be a proffessional I check her out and listen to the story and then I take her BP and it is through the roof. It takes me a half hour with the help of her sister (who likes me by the way) to convince her to go to the hospital. So after being professional and listening to the crap comming out of her mouth she says to me "You dont like me, you think I'm a whore, a drunk and drug addict" with out missing a beat I responded "I know your not a drug addict" Her sister looked at me and started to laugh so hard I thought she was going to pee her pants. To this day I just say it in my head and hope to hell it never reaches my mouth

he already crashed his bike did he get a new death bullet

OK I admit it I had to look up what a SKED is. I have never used one and like Annie Im not the one going over the cliff. With that being said I have used the KED and I love that piece of equipment. It works for great for extracation of a stable patient right down to a spinal emobilization for the baby that fall off of the change table. Personally I dont think it would be unwise to use the KED as it will give the pt. more compfort like the baby wrapped up to feel safe.

Well in BC we do transport more that one patient in our ambulances and in the aircraft. Im not sure on what the privacy laws would be but in the end if air ambulance has two patients to go north they will do both instead of 2 trips it saves money in the end.

So first of all I agree not scanners in the house. Our scanner lasted one set of batteries never to be replaced. It wasnt the hubby listening to it, it was the kids and they would worry. Herbie your so right on the opening up about the spouses concerns. My hubby is a clean freak and I mean FREAK. I have watched him wash his hands after touching anything on the outside of our house and he thinks all teenagers are one big germ and will wiped down anything that he thinks they may have touched or looked at. Now with all being said one night as we were having dinner I had just come off a MRSA call and he only knew something was up because he had seen me with a mask on. It came out that he had the fear of 1 me bringing something home to my family and that I may die from something. So I went through all of the preventative measures and all of the things I do to myself and my uniform before I return home. I hope the op takes all the good advise here because if she is stressed about your job it is going to stress you out also and it will become a vicious circle of stress. good luck

Personally I think that grapes should have a warning lable. I know a girl 2 that choked on down for 10min and now has many disabilities.

As being one of the senior people in our crew I have had to take on the responsibility of thinking for 2 many times. I get the newbies after their training and sometimes it is hard to evaluate exactly what the do and do not understand. When you first go on car you are nervouse and want to your best but in the back of your mind you are think OMG what have I gotten myself into. When they first start with me and they are in the attending seat I say to them, "Just do what you have been taught and if I see that you are struggling I will step in." As we are going to the call we will go over what they should do and what kind of questions they should ask. But the one thing that I think may help with our crew is that at the end of the call we sit down and I ask what they thought. If they have done something wrong I will tell them and because Im not perfect I will let them have the opportunity to say what I may have done wrong, or give them the time to ask why I may have done something they may not have either been taught or remembered from their training. This seems to help with us anyways and the new ones feel that are still learning and the confidence will suddenly appear. Dont know if this can be incorperated into a classroom setting. Happy

If you don't laugh at this one, you're not breathing. A firefighter was working on an engine outside the station , when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle . The girl was wearing a firefighter's helmet . The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat. The firefighter walked over to take a closer look. 'That sure is a nice fire truck,' the firefighter said with admiration. 'Thanks,' the girl replied. The firefighter looked a little closer. The fireman noticed the girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles..... 'Little partner,' the firefighter said, 'I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster.' The little girl replied thoughtfully, 'You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren.'

Well I guess the whole idea of a good story really got lost yet again. Please dont post crap about volly or paid that isnt what this was suppose to be about.

good one phil figures it would have something to do with boooooobies

So as I read alot of the forums here about the vollies in any form and alot of it is negative. I have always been proud of our Volunteers as they really do so much for out community. I would like to share with all of you my personal opinion of our service. Starting in Sept 09 my 17 year old son decided it would be a good idea to have a bad attitude. Not to much different from other teenagers or my other sons. He was doing poorly in school, not being the young man that my husband and I were raising. He was drinking, and fighting. We did alot of the conventional consiquences, the same as other parents. We yelled and screamed, took things away, and made him do things he didnt enjoy like spend time with us. All of these things just made everyone envoled depressed and cranky and we found ourselves really not liking the other. In November at 11:00pm we heard a knock on the door and it was our friend Mike. He had just driven our son to the emergency room because he had the crap knocked out of him. I got dressed and went down to pick him up and I was not a happy camper. When I went into the room the nurse (who was new and freindly) asked my son if he need any help getting off of the bed because his mother was here to pick him up. My son had somehow twisted his ankle in this fight and that was the chief complaint and the booze on his breath was good ole Capt Morgans. I piped up dont you dare hand him his sock or his shoe, if he wants to be a prick he can do it himself, the nurses face just dropped. They gave him crutches and I took them away and told his buddy to be his crutch to the truck. I had a set of my own crutches at home he could have. He was sick and in pain the next day so I let him be in his room so he could continplate life and the road that he was choosing to go down. Now my son was not the only one in the group that was choosing that road. All of the fathers got together and made the decision that these kids were going join the VFD as jrs. This part of the program had been dormant for many years as the kids didnt want anything to do with the Fire Department. Now each child has gone through training and they have all turned themselve around. One wants to be a cop, one a rcmp officer, one a nurse and my son has been accepted into the Vancouver Art Instituted for the music program. All of the attitudes have changed and they are actually normal human beings. I have to thank our fire department for having the patients and the love for my child and the others to be a big part of their lives and show them what life can be about. They know that there may be a time in their lives that they will have to rely on others to save them and they have learned what true friendship is all about. I would like to share so pics that I have down loaded of these guys and girls so you can see the smiles that a VFD can give your own children. Please remember this to me is a happy subject and about our fire department. If yours dosnt do this then maybe you show these pics and this post to convince them that any JR fire department can make a big differnce. Please also share your stories and pics. here is my photobucket enjoy and let me know if it doesnt show I will check tommorrow http://s231.photobucket.com/albums/ee123/princess_happiness/Masset%20VFD/

I never thought about the story in that it was about harrasment of any sort (and yes I do get that it is) but more at why is a suicide being reported on. One thing i like about my community is that suicides are not reported in the media. I honestly cant think of many reasons except two where I think that death is the answer.

So first of all I would like to congradulate Dust Bunny on his first Negative Yahoooooo! Now I cant remember if he has spawn or not. When I suspect Child Abuse first and formost I agree with everyone you must Document everything that you see on the child and in the childs environment. It dosnt matter if you may think it isnt important to jot down it is in the end. Do not ever ask who you maybe suspecting as an abuser if they hurt the child as they may make you go away, and then the child may be harmed further and never look or sound like you are making any judgement towards the parents. And if that happens you call the cops. When Im transporting the patient I try to make the parent sit in the front (dependant of age) of the ambulance so that I can have some private time with the child. It is not always clear on who the abuser is, some signs are you watch the child as they answer your questions, are they looking at the parent for approval, is there a pause and one good indication is that an abused child will show more affection to the abuser because that is who they are seeking the approval from. At one time we were suppose to inform the attending DR of your suspisions, but they where finding that DRs were not calling in the social workers so now I am required by law that if i suspect any abuse I am the one responsible to inform child services. One other thing that you should be aware of is that there are certain religous ceremonies like cupping and blue birthmarks most prevelant on the bottoms or legs of aboriginal and black babies that can give the apperance of child abuse. Dealing with this type of call can be very detrimental to your own well being, you have to be prepared to have an outlet for your frustrations. I personally have 1 hr of down time by myself everyday and if I have a terrible call I make sure that I talk to my unit chief as he has always been able to draw out what the real issue is. But the hardest thing to not do is beat the crap out of the abuser when you see them walking around town like nothing ever happened. One other thing you should always keep in mind is that a child is very honest for the most part. For example My niece aged 5 slipped in between the front steps and they way her leg was, when her mother pulled on her to get her out she broke her leg. When she was asked what happened she stated her mother did it. There was an investigation but the mom was cleared. So one thing is that you will have a gut feeling and if you do make sure you act on it.

I agree with spenac. In any industry or company it had to start with one person asking a question and comming up with an idea to answer it. happy

I as an office manager have seen the effects of over abuse of computers during working hrs. I am paying you to work not play on FB or down load your music so that I have to pay for the overages. So my solution was to block may sites, make policy that says you use the internet after 4:00 pm for personal use and make sure that my staff know that our IT guy will have total access to all pass words and he will be able to check what is on your work computer at any time. With that being said I dont give a crap at what you post on any site any where in the internet world. If you want to show the world that you are an idiot, have a sense of humor (and yes I do) or just want to be on the internet then go for it, but be very aware that if the policy isnt there to say you can do all of the above in your uniform or in your ambulance then you cant cry when your fired

Thanks I know the reason why, its like I pay for all of those that steal at the grocery store. My point was that in the US they have overcharged for everything (just look at pharmicuticals), they become compliant and continue to pay. If you as a nation decided to not pay those prices then maybe the corps. would have to drop the fee's and make it more affordable to more people. I also know easier said than done, and I also know that this whole issue is nothing more than a pandoras box. Hopsitals are a business and are there to make money, they make the money to have the best DR's and nurses, have the best equipment in the hopes that they will get more pts that can pay, but alas there are always those who cant pay for what ever reason and down goes the surpluses and up go the fee's.