I've got a better one Dust. 70 y/o female with shortness of breath (reps around 40, A/Ox4) utterly refusing transport to the nearest ER [she wanted as far away from that nursing home as possible]. It's one of those obvious ALS calls, so since she's refusing the nearest hospital I end up going to call 911 to get an ALS response. I swear, I wanted to smack the 911 dispatcher.
Hi, I'm with ___ Ambulance Company, and I have a patient that needs a paramedic escort [actual term used in the protocol is "paramedic escort"]. "Well, we don't do paramedic escorts, only responses."
Durr, ok, give me one of those.
"Is the patient breathing?"
[resisting the urge to tell her that if she wasn't then I'd have better things to do than sit here talking to you] "Yes"
"Is the patient turning blue?"
[Ok lady, I know that EMT-B courses are easier than baking easy mac, but give me a friggin break here]. "No."
"Ok, paramedics are on the way, will you be meeting them in your ambulance?" [standard question, no complaints]
"Yes, can I get an ETA for paramedics?"
"They're responding with their lights and sirens." [thanks for totally answering my question and have a nice day].