Search the Community

Alot of threads have been headed in this direction lately, and I personally have been questioning my own career longevity lately. Since I don't blog, I decided to write out my strategies to prolong my mental health, and career, and identify the problems we face as time goes by on the forum. I feel really passionate about this topic, and hope for alot of productive responses. First to identify the challenges: Although the number of years I have been in EMS is hitting double digits, the first time I was truly affected by a call was only about a year and a half ago. I was driving to my farm after treating a post partum hemmorage on a young redhead girl, I recalled all my actions from starting large I.V.'s to performing bimanual massage (not technically in my scope, but try stop me!). Eventually the hemmorage was brought under control, and all ended well for her. As I drove down the highway, I felt like I entered another atmosphere. Suddenly the air got thicker.... I became short of breath, the temperature in the vehicle seemed to rapidly increase, and I got a huge feeling of impending doom, as if something out of my control was going to happen. I pulled over and grabbed some fresh air, and it passed quickly. I thought to myself "man, that was wierd.... I must be dehydrated". I went to work, seeding peas that evening. While driving our 4WD tractor pulling our seeding outfit I crested a hill and looked around my fields, with no neighbors for many miles I got a feeling of being too alone. Almost immediatly, my patient from earlier came screaming into the picture, I could see her freckled face clear as ever, the innocent look in her eyes as she gazed at her first born through tears and wincing in pain as I assaulted her uterus in an attempt to control the bleeding. Finally I had to shut down the outfit, and get out to regain my composure. That evening I went in for supper, and my father remarked that I seemed "distant". I told him I just had a tough call, and needed a day or two to get over it. I returned home a day later (I farm somewhere else), to my wife and kids. My wife proceded to tell me about some problem she was having... likely something about what her sister said on the phone, or how one of the kids smart-mouthed her. I quickly shut her down, telling her she should be so lucky as to have a family. She had no freaking idea what I was talking about, but could tell I was not in the mood for chit-chat. The reason I told that story was to point out 2 very important warning signs that something is going off in the ditch. Warning #1 - Panic attacks. Seem to come on unprovoked, can be anything from minor hyperventilation and anxious feeling, to an all out bawl-fest Warning #2 - Deprioritizing the needs of the ones whom count on us. The story goes on...... Another week or two goes by and I have a dream: It is an older lady that I recognize, it is the first patient to ever go from living, to dead while in my care. We are in a crowded mess-hall, and I get that same choking anxious feeling. I immediatly get up out of my chair (in my dream still) and everyone is staring at me. The lady starts to bleed profusely from under her dress as she sits at her table, she looks oer at me and cries in a helpless crackling voice: "Marc.... I'm dying, you have to help me". I awaken from my dream with severe chest pain, I can feel my heart pounding, I am sweating profusely and can't catch my breath. I have to get up out of bed, and grab a drink to calm myself. I tell my wife about the dream, laughing as if it was no big deal. The next few nights are short, as I have difficulty falling asleep with images of the elderly lady, or the young redhead, or that stupid dream, flash through my mind everytime I close my eyes. As soon as I awaken while i am still laying in my bed a slideshow plays in my mind of faces of people I have treated, I keep seeing pictures of intercostal retractions on a tiny chest, blue lips, concaved chests from CPR, blood running down a cot mattress.... ugh... I gotta get up, no sleep in day for me! I attend some more rather critical calls, being the sole Paramedic for hundreds of miles around has it's perks, and it's challenges. 2 successful neonate resucitations, 1 shakin baby case with increased ICP, a few transfers to the city (3-4hrs away) for different reasons, couple intubated transfers and of course some routine lodge type calls.... all in all exactly what I am educated to do. Please don't let me fool you either, there are many days I don't even do a call. But as I have said before 3-4hr transports makes for some pretty long days too. I'll be honest with ya, I have alot of Paramedics dream jobs. Work from home, Salary nearing an RN, being the only Paramedic in this area the Dr's respect me, and the surrounding (BLS) services look up to me. But this brings great responsibility. like the responsibility I feel as I back up a crew with a pregnant trauma victim, and they look me in the eye and say "thank god you're here" as if I am going to ensure she will surive.... she didn't. Or the responsibility I feel when I get that Difficulty breathing call wondering if this will be the tube I miss, with backup many many miles away. But this is not exclusive to me. Yes I may be in an extreme setting, however those in air medical have similar resources. Even a overworked city ambulance may not have backup available. These are the regular stresses of the job. The problem is, if you do not deal with them, one day... they sneak up, and tear you down when you least expect it, just as they have done to me. So as I sit here now, on another night shift, with my heroic Paramedic eppaulettes, and my tactical looking narc pouch on my side, I feel totally unprepared for battle. I have lost the will to prepare or seak out a good healthy meal, I am not sleeping as much as I should, and I am pretty quick to snap at my family since thier problems are not "real", not like the problems of my patients, so i have no time for them. This brings me to Warning #3,4&5 Warning #3 Failing to maintain a balanced diet & excersise Warning #4 Sleep disruption Warning #5 Flashbacks So just what do I intend to do? Well here is my plan of action to increase my longevity in EMS Find an arbitrary confidant. An EMS provider from outside this area I can bounce calls off, and discuss treatment without too much judgement. Someone without thier own agenda of always "1 upping" as we often do Make a conscious decision, starting today, that fast food is no longer a part of my life. It can and will be avoided. Fast food is a fast track to failure in this industry. Occasionally seek a professional: Periodically I will be making an appointment with a mental health professional. i go for physical checkups.... why not mental health checkups?? Make sure holidays are not EMS related. This means no popping in to staff meetings during holidays, no wearing wacker gear, no scanner, no accepting cell phone calls from co-workers, nothing! Just family, and friends. Find an outlet: I loooove being alone, but with a family of 5, it is harder and harder to do. I need to find an outlet where I can be in my "happy place" and organize my thoughts and do some filing. I think I`ll buy a vintage car to tinker on. I always think of my life as a car, I am driving, but right now all the shit that should be in the trunk is cluttering up the dashboard and making it hard to see what is ahead, and for some reason I have a HUGE rearview mirror I can't stop staring into. It's ruining my driving experience, and I know I am headed for a crash. Define the line between work and home. This has gotten to be a grey mushy mess, I spend way too much time writing work emails and work related calls from home. That is not nesessary, when I walk into my house, the uniform shirt gets hung on a hook, and THAT is my mental signal - switch - You are a husband, father, son, and brother now. Thoughts?