Alcohol

[Britpara]

Due to increasing concern that alcohol is bad for you, the Government has decided, as it did with cigarettes, that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers:

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the *beep* happened to your bra and panties.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a giraffe on heat.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends repeatedly that you love them.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable carpet burns on the forehead, knees, and lower back.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.

WARNING: The crumsumpten of alcahol may maak yu tink you kan tipe real gude.

[firedoc5]

HELP, I've got blood in my alcohol system!!