REALIZING HOW BURNED OUT I AM BECOMING

[jouleman]

I FOUND THIS SITE AFTER LOOKING AT NUMEROUS OTHERS. I AM WONDERING IF THERE IS ANYONE HERE FINDING THEMSELVES IN THE SAME BOAT. I AM A PARAMEDIC.....17 YEARS ACUTALLY. I HAVE BEEN IN EMS FOR 23 YEARS, YEAH THAT IS A LONG TIME. I AM FINALLY GETTING TIRED OF BEING TIRED. I HATE GETTING UP AT NIGHT. I HATE THE 24'S BUT CAN'T SURVIVE THE 8'S AND 12'S MONEY WISE. I AM AT WORK NOW. I HAVE READ ABOUT SOME EMOTION STIRRING CALLS HERE. I HAD THE SADDEST CALL OF MY CAREER THREE DAYS AGO. IT WAS AN 18 Y/O G-3 P-2 WHO CALLS EMS AFTER BEING IN "LABOR" FOR 6 1/2 HRS. SHE THOUGHT IT WAS BRAXTON HICKS UNTIL SHE DELIVERS A 20 WEEK GESTATION FETUS ON THE LIVING ROOM FLOOR. WE ARRIVE AND WALK INTO THIS SCENARIO. THE FATHER IS ON ALL FOURS WITH HIS HAND UNDER THIS DEAD BABY, WHILE STROKING ITS HEAD AND CHEST ALTERNATELY WITH THE OTHER. HOLY SHIT! WE COULD DO NOTHING FOR THE BABY OBVIOUSLY, SO WE ADDRESS THE MOTHER. THE PLACENTA HAD ALREADY DELIVERED AND STILL ATTACHED TO BABY. WE PUT THE BABY IN A BLANKET AND INTO A BASIN IN OUR PRECIP KIT. ATTEMPTED TO CONSOLE THE FATHER , WHILE PUTTING MOM ON COT, O2, IV ETC. AND TRANSPORT. ME, MY PARTNER AND THE ENGINE CREW THAT RESPONDED WERE ALL IN A SHOCKED AND SAD STATE. WE FINISHED THE CALL, WENT BACK AND WATCHED AN HOUR OF ACE VENTURA (THANK GOD SOMETHING FUNNY WAS ON) AND THEN HIT THE SACK. I HAVE CRIED TWICE SINCE THIS CALL. IT WAS THE SADDEST THING SEEING THAT FATHER LIKE THAT. I HAVE NOT HAD A CALL IMPACT ME LIKE THIS THAT I CAN REMEMBER. I'VE WORKED INJURED KIDS, PED CODES ETC. I HAVE SEEN ALOT OF TERRIBLE THINGS IN 23 YEARS, PUSHED THEM INTO THAT HOLE WE ALL HAVE, WORN THE PROTECTIVE ARMOR. I AM BEGINNING TO GET TIRED OF SEEING IT. I GUESS I MAY BE VENTING HERE, BUT I KNOW I AM GETTING TIRED OF DOING THIS JOB. FROM THE ABUSIVE, THE FREQUENT FLIERS, THE DRUNKS, AND GENERAL REPEAT CALLS AND BULLSHIT. IF YOU HAVE DONE THIS A WHILE YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. I DON'T MEAN TO CONVEY ANY NEGATIVITY, JUST REACHING OUT TO SEE WHAT ANYONE ELSE THINKS ABOUT THIS OR HAS ANYTHING TO OFFER.........THANKS

[canadian_ghost]

jouleman first of all I would like to say sorry. Ped calls are never easy, especially something like that. But unfortunately it's going to happen. 23 years in EMS is a long time, and I can understand if you are starting to burn out. Have you gone to CISD since that call? (Critical Incident Stress Debriefing) if not DO SO IMMEDIATELY! You can get all the help you need from a trained counsellor. Also I think maybe going and taking 2 weeks off and just getting away. Maybe a long camping trip, or vacation with the family if you have one. You just need to get away for a while and forget completely about it. If after CISD and some time off and away from your job, you still feel like your burning out then consider going to counselling full time (1 day a week). You said sorry because you might be venting, well venting is what you need to do. Get it off your chest, talk to other people in the same profession as you (not family or anything) and just let it all off. You are only human, you will burnout especially if you don't let it out. I had to go to a similar call, it was a mother in labour and when we got there the baby was DOA. The MINUTE we got into the station our U/C (Unit Chief) and 2 counsellors were sitting in the station waiting to begin debriefing and CISD. So please if you love your job, love helping people despite the FF's (Frequent Fliers, not Fire Fighters... the Drunks, and the bullshit calls) then get away for a while your boss, if a good one WILL understand. Go to CISD for this call, and consider counselling once or twice week. Other than that just hang in there, try and realize why you got into this job. To Help People.

[Dustdevil]

CISD is total snake oil BS that is being pulled from the pages of every EMT and medic textbook on the market as we speak. Do a Google search. It's worthless nonsense that is often harmful to those who receive it. Don't do it.

If you need help, or to talk about it, find an educated, experienced, and credentialed mental health professional to talk to. They are equipped to determine what exactly your needs are. CISD "counselors" are not. They're one trick ponies who ASSume that one approach is appropriate for all persons. That in itself is the most telling clue that it is BS.

Finding professional help is not a sign of weakness or even last ditch dispair. It's the smart move to make, because again, you don't know what kind of help you need, or even if you need help at all, until you are evaluated. Psychology is just like medicine in that respect, so be smart and do the same thing for yourself that you would do for your own patients. Get a professional evaluation, and THEN do only what is necessary for your situation. Just going to CISD everytime you see blood is about as smart as taking penicillin everytime your hands get dirty.

It is entirely possible that you are not really having the problems that you fear. Doesn't sound to me (from this very limited post information) like burnout. Just sounds like something sad touched you emotionally. I still cry about my Grandmother, who died a decade ago, but I'm certainly not stressing or burning out over it. It's just an emotional issue. Crying is dealing. You deal and you move on. I think you will too. That is normal.

Don't get all worked up over what is probably nothing to be concerned about. But do recognise that concern and talk it out with a pro who can better determine what is going on, and what level of concern or attention it requires. Failure to do so is just stupid. You can get past all this easily. And, when you do, it makes you stronger and better prepared to deal with what is to come in the remainder of your career.

Good luck!

And minus 5 for typing in ALL CAPITAL LETTERS, which is really annoying and against forum rules.

[hammerpcp]

You are right Dust, as always. This job is bullsheet. I am quittting right now. Maybe one of my buddys will break a limb for me.

[speedygodzilla]

Hang in there. Reflect on what you want. I have no real opinion on CISD since I'm still new to the field and am yet to experience one first hand. I am sure it differs from system to system. Like the others said take some time off and see a professional. As rather than being a sign of weakness I see it as a strength because it takes courage to admit when you need help. This is something I could see myself strugling with.

Remember while you got into this, and remember all those times when you made a positive difference.

Feel free to vent with us, however I recommend seeing a real professional.

[firedoc5]

Vent away. Most of us have been there. If there's more that you want to discuss feel free to PM someone.

[canadian_ghost]

Going back to what Dust said about CISD, I do agree that they can be non benifitial. I guess I was just speaking on my own experience with them, they seemed to help. But the most helpful is talking to other EMS, and venting.

Thank you for correcting me yet again Dust.

[hammerpcp]

Okay Jouleman, here are some things I recommend to add a positive spin to the possible (read probable) state of burn out you find yourself in.

First, as soon as you enter the scene of a person that has called 911, the first thing you need to do even before identifying who the pt is, is to announce to the room that "we are not a cab service". No matter what the problem you are responding to, doing this immediately focuses everyones attention on you, which is always good cuz who doesn't want attention? Second if it is a bs call then you have already gotten the main issue on the table and you don't have to tip toe around it for the rest of the call.;Pretending the problem is legit. Also, if it turns out to be a legit call and someone doesn't want to give you the pts medical history or med list because they "already have it at the hospital", all you have to do is refer back to your opening statement.

I also recommend asking pt's about totally random symptoms or inventing illnesses all together. I frequently have pt's that experience pain behind their eyeballs upon urination, or have a history of choleotemporalitis, or renalosteosis. Also, drunks are amazingly good singers and often have fantastic life advice.

So, in conclusion, embrace the jadedness......have fun with it, because nothing we do out there makes any difference anyway. :shock:

[Virginia NPP]

jouleman

I am so sorry you went through that, it sounds horrible.

I agree with Dustdevil that CISD has been found to be useless and maybe worse. Talking to some one who understands is so much better. If you can find a good professional a few sessions would do wonders. Sometimes talking to peers is enough. I would have recommended that you turned off ACE and talked and cried together, I think that would have helped more.

What you are feeling is understandable after such a horrific event. It is not an indication of burn out. If you are burnt out you usually become more jaded with few emotions except anger, frustration, and annoyance.

I would give you your 5 points ( what ever that means) that Dustdevil took away back for honesty and bravery in your post.

Do something special with someone you love, perhaps a child.

And make sure you are not doing EMS work on your days off.

Best,

Virginia

[CBEMT]

Do something special with someone you love, perhaps a child.

Am I a horrible human being for stopping at this statement and going :shock: ?

Wait, nevermind, I'm in EMS. Explains everything. :roll: