What do you say when random people ask your medical opinion?

[kristo]

I have two "lines". For the people who do the "I've been having those occasional digestion problems, blah, blah, blah, I went to this gastroenterologist, he doesn't seem to be sure what it is and wants to do blah blah blah. What do you think it is?", I explain that I am currently working very hard to get to the clinical years of my studies, and my goal over the next few years is to get where I will be advanced enough for that gastroenterologist to teach me how to diagnose and treat GI stuff.

If he can't figure out what it is, chances are I can't either.

For most people who ask me medical questions, I tell them it's probably AIDS, and that an amputation will most probably be necessary. Then I tell them to go see their doctor.

[spenac]

I tell them that my consultation fees are $250, plus additional fees for the physical exams, but I know a little discount clinic down the road that actually is cheaper as good if not better care.

[akroeze]

My common line is "I'm afraid we're going to have to amputate at the neck"

They give me a confused look for a second then get it

[NREMT-Basic]

I generally say, in a very loud voice, "No. Its not supposed to burn when you pee."

[Richard B the EMT]

I might have mentioned this in a different string.

Working a Facility Transfer Ambulance (this the new phrase?) one frozen midnight, my partner and I went to a Dunkin Donut store for coffee. A prostitute came in, walked up to my partner, and said, "My vagina is cold (she used more of a street term, not a medical one), could you warm it up for me?"

My partner replied, "If I do, I am going to have to charge you, as I am a professional!"

Everyone in the donut store broke out in laughter, and the prostitute fled back to the streets in embarrassment.

[GBFDEMS174]

I might have mentioned this in a different string.

Working a Facility Transfer Ambulance (this the new phrase?) one frozen midnight, my partner and I went to a Dunkin Donut store for coffee. A prostitute came in, walked up to my partner, and said, "My vagina is cold (she used more of a street term, not a medical one), could you warm it up for me?"

My partner replied, "If I do, I am going to have to charge you, as I am a professional!"

Everyone in the donut store broke out in laughter, and the prostitute fled back to the streets in embarrassment.

^

THIS IS THE FUNNIEST THING I'VE HEARD IN ALL MY YEARS AS A FIREFIGHTER

I just say im not a doctor but with my experience in the field it could be this or that, in my opinion, but you should really consult your doctor about this whole thing.

[medibrat]

We used to have one of those 'not quite right' patients who would call the ambulance cuz it was cheaper to use us to get to the other side of the city, and she might get some cool stuff. The fun part was that if you asked her specific questions like, "does it hurt behind your left eye when you pee" and "does your knee bend?" she'd say yes. To everything. And straight faced. We'd shake our heads sadly, tell her that she was right, it sounded serious, and load her up. (we can't refuse to transport) It was the most fun in documentation and reporting that I've had in a long time...~sigh~

Brat :angel8:

[PCB]

Usually it is one of my neighbors contacting me after some kind of a chainsaw incident. I keep some pads and gauze on hand and say, "Yes, I'd go and get it looked at."

PC

[Jess]

I generally say, in a very loud voice, "No. Its not supposed to burn when you pee."

IT'S NOT?! :shock:

[emtannie]

I live in a small community, so everyone knows what I do. I get the phone calls, and people showing up on my doorstep. I'm not sure if it can be considered random or not... I am quite used to hearing my husband call out "Hun, there is someone bleeding on our front steps AGAIN.."

I will try to answer their questions, and I will patch up whoever shows up at my door, and I will refer them to a higher level of medical care than I can provide. Most understand that and are ok with it.

I don't charge for services (though sometimes I think I should have a sign out front that reads "First time I bandage, free, second time, $250") but people in my community are pretty thankful, and I am amazed at how many of my meals at my favorite restaurant get paid for by an anonymous gift certificate.