Need some help or someone to talk to

[Neesie]

Thank you....for the kick in the ass. I will see when they have scheduled this thing and I will go. I agree and understand...I was the one who asked for help...I guess I have to suck it up and accept the help. I have a hard time accepting help from others. I think my initial post was more just to talk than anything, but you all have been very supportive and like I have said before, I really do appreciate it.

I will let you know how things went. Thanks again.

I do have one question though. How can this be ptsd if I didn't actually see it happen. I mean don't you actually have to see the incident or experience it yourself for it to be ptsd?

[Just Plain Ruff]

you coded a 3 year old who had brain matter on the ground, you drove her to the hospital with CPR in progress. You know that they worked her for a while at the hospital.

You see this kids face in your dreams, in your waking times. you cry at the drop of the hat, have anxiety attacks and you can't sleep.

yeah, I'd say if it's not PTSD then it's pretty damn close.

but are you now saying you actually didn't take part in this situation but only heard about it? I'm confused?

[Neesie]

Oh no, I was there. I did all of that. I am just saying for it to be ptsd, don't you have to be there to actually see her being hit by the truck? I mean, I was there after she was hit, and worked her all the way to the hospital, then did cpr the whole time at the hospital. I just didn't actually see her getting hit. Don't you have to witness the actual event for it to be classified as ptsd?

[Just Plain Ruff]

go to this website. It's a good one. http://www.ncptsd.va.gov/ncmain/ncdocs/fac...at_is_ptsd.html

You do not have to see the accident happen you just have to have been there.

[Neesie]

Thanks. It was good. THere are definately things that I can relate to in that. I am going today to talk to my supervisor. This may be worse than anything for me because I hate to admit that something may be wrong....that I am "broken" so to speak. However, I will bite the bullet and take the plunge. I am going to talk to him and I will let you know how things went. If I am unable to get into that cisd session, he is the next best thing because he is trained in that as well, plus he showed up at the accident too.

[firedoc5]

We've all been saying that it's not a weakness to cry, but it's not a weakness to ask for professional help either. You may even want to look into finding some one-on-one counseling instead of a group debriefing. You've heard what all we had to say, now the ball is in your court.

[Neesie]

Well, apparently I missed the defriefing. It was at the RCMP station but they didn't tell us when it was going to be. However, I did go and talk to someone today. I explained how I felt...or don't feel may be a better way to say it. It was very hard for me to sit there and admit that I am possibly needing help with something. What everyone may not understand is that I have a very hard time with admitting that I need help. I feel that I will be looked at as a failure because I can't deal with something. Anyway, it was a very big step for myself.

He said that he wants to keep an eye on me because I am having a hard time falling asleep and that I keep running the call through my head constantly. I do have a habit of reliving a call in my head, especially if it was a trauma or a code however, I have never sat here and thought about it every minute of the day. I think that it is just my way of trying to process it so I can put it behind me.

I want to thank all of you. I honestly think that talking to all of you has really helped me more than anything. Just letting me know that it is all normal to feel the way I have is reassuring. Maybe I am not going crazy after all.

I will keep an eye on things and if they get worse, I will get more help. I think I just need some time.

[Chief1C]

International Critical Incident Stress Foundation, Inc.

Emergency Hot line: (410) 313-2473

http://www.icisf.org/

National Hopeline Network

1-800-784-2433

http://www.rainsnow.org/help_resources.htm

[ccmedoc]

We've all been saying that it's not a weakness to cry, but it's not a weakness to ask for professional help either. You may even want to look into finding some one-on-one counseling instead of a group debriefing. You've heard what all we had to say, now the ball is in your court.

I wholeheartedly recommend this option. The group CISD is, more often than not, a farce. In a professional, one on one setting, you will be able to open up more and learn more. Getting it out is only a part of the process. You must learn what you are feeling, why you are feeling it, and how to deal effectively with it.

PTSD is a serious problem that may never go away. Dealing may be a lifelong process and starting early is the key, in my opinion. I have used both, the CISD at the request of my employer. Long term counseling is most likely your best option. Just asking for help, or seeking psychiatric counseling does not make you "crazy"....Not doing so may...

There are many comments on here, I have made some myself, that make light of some of these feelings. Knee jerk reactions, if you will. I believe that some of us have heard so many times of people having a hard time, simply for attention. The genuine ones stick out, the truly hard situations that we also have been put in. Children being one of the worst. Try to put things in perspective and don't hold yourself too responsible. Try to realize that not too often are we going to "save a life"..our most important service is to influence patient outcomes in the most positive way possible, and bear witness to some wonderful happenings, and also some of the worst things imaginable..often so others don't have to...

Try to take comfort in that you are not alone..Best of luck to you....

edited for wording

[Neesie]

Thought I would pop in here and let everyone know how things are after you were all so great to me. This past week and a half since that call have been hard. I never did go to a debriefing however, things are definately getting better for me. I did talk to a professional which I think helped seeing as it was a one on one and I didn't have to feel like everyone was staring at me or being judgmental (Deep down inside I know they wouldn't be because they probably felt the same, it is just a fear I had). But most of all I honestly think that coming here was the best thing I could have done. You all helped me out so much because you are all "real" EMS people who have all gone through the same thing.

As for an update on the symptoms i was having....I do still think about it alot, but I am able to sleep much better at night now. I am still having a bit of a hard time talking about it sometimes.....I do still get choked up a bit, but I think it will all go away. I am certainly feeling a lot better about it anyway.

So with that said...THANK YOU for all of your help.

Denise