Embarrassing Medical Exams

[Ecnalubma08]

i loved these...enjoy!

1. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's

going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my

stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's

dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly

I noticed that there were several cabs ---and I was

in the wrong one.

Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio , TX .

2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a

stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female

patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I

instructed. "Yes, they used to be," replied the

patient.

Submitted by Dr. Richar d Byrnes, Seattle , WA

3. One day I h ad to be the bearer of bad news when I

told a wife that her husband had died of a massive

myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes

later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the

family that he had died of a "massive internal

fart."

Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg

4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment

with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor,

that he was having trouble with one of his

medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch, the

nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours

and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had

him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I

wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on

his body! Now, the instructions include removal of

the old patch before applying a new one.

Submitted by Dr Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk , VA

5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly

patient, I asked, "How long have you been

bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she

answered..."Why, not for about twenty years - when

my husband was alive."

Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis , OR

6. I was caring for a woman and asked, "So how's

your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good,

except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get

used to the taste" the patient replied. I then asked

to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil

packet labeled "KY Jelly."

Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit , MI

7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a

young woman with purple hair styled into a punk

rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and

wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly

determined that the patient had acute appendicitis,

so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she

was completely disrobed on the operating table, the

staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed

green, and above it there was a tattoo that read,

"Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was

completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the

patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow

the lawn."

Submitted by RN no name

AND FINALLY!!!................

8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB , I

was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic

exams. To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously

formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged

lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly

burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I

looked up from my work and sheepishly said, "I' m

sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor,

but the song you were whistling was, "I wish I was

an Oscar Meyer Wiener ".

Dr. Wouldn't submit his name

~Ec

[Cadet66HM5]

This has been around for a while...seen it before. but funny none the less