Not sure if its for me...

[VCmedic]

Hi everyone. Just needed someone to vent to besides my family and girlfriend for once. For an introduction, I'm 22 y/o, started fire tech classes in senior year of highschool, became an EMT-B first semester out of hs, worked 3 years as a Basic all over Los Angeles, graduated medic school, and began working as a medic for a private ambulance company in, what I would call, a "mini tijuana". So I've been a medic for about a year and this company had us running 12-14 calls average per 24 with basically no sleep just about every shift. In just the 5 months or so that I worked for this company I saw some things that I NEVER saw as a Basic in LA. I found myself so stressed out on duty and off that I was having a hard time sleeping at home knowing that I had to go deal with the same crap again the next day and started taking pills to help me (not illegal ones). My family noticed my mood changes and I was taking it out on people I didn't want to be taking it out on. I took up chewing tobacco and took it to a new level during this time. The company was so short on medics that they were sticking supervisors on rigs to fill spots, the pay sucked, and the firefighters we worked with were just burnt out and fed up with dealing with all the drunks and other frequent flyers. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore and I turned in my stuff. I packed up my room at home and a week later my girlfriend and I moved to beautiful Tahoe, CA.

I am curently beginning to persue my first goal (before EMS was ever in my head) of being a personal trainer, live in an awesome cabin in a beautiful place, and love life.

I believe that happiness is the most important part of life and I couldn't see myself being happy there. I felt like the only reason I was staying was to make my family proud and save my hero image. Was it the lack of sleep EVERY shift? Was it the sudden boost in responsibility once I promoted from Basic to Medic that overwhelmed me? Was it the way the company treated us? I think a combo of all of the above, but mostly the added responsibility and stress of being a medic. As one who prides hisself in being viewed as a strong leader by friends and family it takes a lot for me to say I just don't think its for me. I don't know if I just had a bad first experience and its better other places, but please if anyone has felt like this and overcame it, I encourage you to reply and help a brotha out. Thanks guys and gals.

[Scaramedic]

...all over Los Angeles...

That was the problem right there. I don't believe many people on this board or EMS in general consider L.A. to be part of the modern EMS system. They are still running off the Johnny and Roy model.

[DwayneEMTP]

Perhaps it's not for you. Shoot, no shame in that. But many here I believe will tell you that you began your career in the shittiest possible scenario. It sounds like you certainly got your trial by fire!

Whether you return to the field or not, there is no shame in not wanting to whore yourself out for no money in a system that has proven to need serious help.

We have some good providers here from L.A., yet they'll be the first to tell you that the system is even more broken than the rest of EMS.

Take a breath, regroup, decide on your future, then refocus and move forward. You're young yet, you've got time. But know that your EMS career may not be worth fighting for...Know what I mean? It's a big world out there, full of jobs and careers that make EMS look silly by comparison.

Dwayne

[VCmedic]

Perhaps it's not for you. Shoot, no shame in that. But many here I believe will tell you that you began your career in the shittiest possible scenario. It sounds like you certainly got your trial by fire!

Whether you return to the field or not, there is no shame in not wanting to whore yourself out for no money in a system that has proven to need serious help.

We have some good providers here from L.A., yet they'll be the first to tell you that the system is even more broken than the rest of EMS.

Take a breath, regroup, decide on your future, then refocus and move forward. You're young yet, you've got time. But know that your EMS career may not be worth fighting for...Know what I mean? It's a big world out there, full of jobs and careers that make EMS look silly by comparison.

Dwayne

i thank you for your reply and i agree 100% with everything you have said. i'm just really discouraged at this point to go back to the profession if its going to be an atmosphere like that again and i'm scared to lose my card and not have it as an option later in life. i almost feel pressured into working again just to keep what i've paid thousands for. shouldn't be like that ya know?

[JPINFV]

There's areas worse than LA. Just look at Orange County for an example. :twisted:

[Dustdevil]

I dunno, Man. It'd be hard to say at this point that EMS isn't for you based solely upon your Kalifornia experience. Kalifornia EMS is not real EMS. It's some bizarro world where they do everything exactly opposite of the rest of the world, and non-fire medics are lower than pond scum. I think there's a good chance that if you were to work someplace that is not hung up on living a 1970's fire-EMS fantasy, and doesn't run 24 hour shifts, you might actually find that it is your thing. Unfortunately, with LA county experience and the average LA county education (a whopping 14 weeks :roll: ), you might actually have a hard time fitting in somewhere where they take EMS seriously.

Of course, I may be confused about what you are getting at too. You mention fire certs. Are you still interested in fire? Were you ever interested in fire, or was it just a means to get a medic job? Are you saying you may not be interested in both fire and EMS anymore, or just EMS?

If your heart's not in it, then cut your losses and do everybody a favour by just leaving before you burn out enough to hurt somebody, possibly yourself. Find something you really want to do instead and make yourself happy. But if you really want to do this, but just aren't certain you can, then give it a shot in a new environment. Seems a shame to waste the experience you have.

Is your girlfriend rich? If so, just kick back and relax, bro!

[VCmedic]

I dunno, Man. It'd be hard to say at this point that EMS isn't for you based solely upon your Kalifornia experience. Kalifornia EMS is not real EMS. It's some bizarro world where they do everything exactly opposite of the rest of the world, and non-fire medics are lower than pond scum. I think there's a good chance that if you were to work someplace that is not hung up on living a 1970's fire-EMS fantasy, and doesn't run 24 hour shifts, you might actually find that it is your thing. Unfortunately, with LA county experience and the average LA county education (a whopping 14 weeks :roll: ), you might actually have a hard time fitting in somewhere where they take EMS seriously.

Of course, I may be confused about what you are getting at too. You mention fire certs. Are you still interested in fire? Were you ever interested in fire, or was it just a means to get a medic job? Are you saying you may not be interested in both fire and EMS anymore, or just EMS?

If your heart's not in it, then cut your losses and do everybody a favour by just leaving before you burn out enough to hurt somebody, possibly yourself. Find something you really want to do instead and make yourself happy. But if you really want to do this, but just aren't certain you can, then give it a shot in a new environment. Seems a shame to waste the experience you have.

Is your girlfriend rich? If so, just kick back and relax, bro!

i think my past experience is a little misunderstood as i only worked as a basic in la county for a private company and to be honest i enjoyed it. i only worked as a medic in ventura county (which borders la county and now that i think about it, is getting to be the same as LA). our relationships with FF's were NOT good. they thought we were wannabe nobody's and during my 2 week training for the company i watched my FTO just about get into a fist fight with the ff/pm's more than once on scene. its not a good environment to work in. the guys i worked with in the couple months i was there had nothing but negative things to say about the job and their attitude really showed in the way they treated certain patients. as for your question about my fire interest, i did my internship at a fire department and just didn't click with their system. i had a great crew but it just kinda turned me off from fire which was the reason i got into ems in the first place. i was a volunteer ff during medic school and ended up dropping it cuz i hated it so much. good training but so clique. was never really welcomed it felt like. all of these experiences have just boiled up inside and made do what i did. if i could keep my P number up without working and keep it an option so when i re-evaluate my career opportunities, that would be awesome. but i know the registry requires u to be in service.

[Lone Star]

I would much rather see someone realize that this may not be the field that they're cut out for and walk away, than to hang in for the 'cool points', 'hero factor' or what ever other glory hunting term they can think of. I hold more respect for those that realize their limitations and stay within them, than to try to live outside them, and possibly hurt someone all because they wanted people to 'look up to them'.

[DwayneEMTP]

VCmedic, what I hear when you're talking is that you seem to feel that you 'should' go back to paramedicine.

Many consider it a calling. Not the case for me. If I go back to work in an ambulance, then so be it. If I find a job that allows me to spend more money, and more time on my family, then I'm gone.

There is no hero issue for me. I wanted a job that would allow me to move to help my son. Paramedicine was pitched to me as that job. If tomorrow I'm told that I can make double the money selling men's cologne at Macey's? I'm history.

While I'm here, I have a near rabid drive to figure out how to do it to the best of my ability. But when it proves to be bad for my family....hero be damned. I have emotional and financial obligations at home. Don't get your head screwed up over the hero thing.

Decide what fulfills you. For when you're fulfilled you'll be better for your wife and family, not before. Many will think that because you've learned how to save lives, (the few outcomes that you actually change) that that obligates you to continue in the field. Nonsense. If that's they're opinion then let them make the sacrifices you've made and take your place.

You want to fulfill my idea of a hero? Support your family, find a job that allows you to go home whistling at the end of the day and love your kids and lady, and help you prepare to send your kids to college.

Run some fluid into a trauma vic, pump meds into an arrest....lots of folks can do that and call themselves heros...but there are very few that will make a good, solid, happy, passionate family. Do that....and you'll be my hero...for what it's worth.

Dwayne

[noo]

Firstly, congratulations on your post...takes guts to say that you are effectively strugling to cope...maybe more than just trying to hide it and keep going. I have been a paramedic for over 8 years and have been fortunate enough to be a government employee that feels relatively valued. Whilst I dont feel qualified to comment on your working conditions (I don't feel I have the right to comment on a system I don't fully understand) one thing I have learned is that this job is definately not for everybody! Even those who are good at the job and take pride in their work may not be in the best place, and whilst it sounds as though you entered this field for all the right reasons, you seem to be hanging around for all the wrong ones!

One thing I think all medics would agree that we take away from the job everyday is that life is short, and no job, pride or need to save face is worth risking your health! I am sure if you asked your family if they preferred you being a medic or being happy and healthy the answer would be the latter!

I do not know you, and I am not at all implying that you personally are not cut out for the job, but I am saying that you need to work it out before it has more permanent effects...the signs you listed are classic for stress! Perhaps you need to take check, change employers and see how it goes...but don't let this go on too long before you bite the bullet and try something else.

Above all, the most important thing is your health and that of your family...and this may well impact significantly on your family as well.

I wish you luck in working this out, in the meantime..take care of yourself..please!

As other have pointed out, you are too young to let a job destroy you.