ER Funnies

[Classair]

YOU MIGHT WORK IN THE ER IF…

You believe every patient needs TLC - Thorazine, Lorazepam, and Compazine.

Your sense of humor seems to get more warped each year.

You believe the definition of stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven’t fallen asleep yet.

You believe that if warm wine enemas were routinely ordered, patient complaints would greatly decrease.

You hope there’s a special place in Hell for the inventor of the call light.

You see stress as a normal way of life.

You have tendency to laugh at your patient’s BIG problems.

You know the phone numbers of every late night food delivery place in town by heart.

You believe the problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

You’ve ever thought, “Patients, God love ‘em because today, I sure don’t!”

Everything only happens all at once.

You’ve ever been telling work stories in a restaurant and had someone at another table throw up.

You believe experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.

You notice that you use more four-letter words now than before you became a nurse.

You have a patient in four point leathers that asks if you are a nurse you reply ‘Yes”, and walk away.

You believe all bleeding stops…eventually.

You don’t get excited about blood loss unless it’s your own.

You believe if you can keep your head among all this confusion, you obviously don’t understand the situation.

You’ve ever said, “Why am I here?”

When you get a call telling you the name of your next admit and you can do the assessment before the patient gets to the ER room.

When called for orders, the MD says, “Write them yourself you know the patient better than I do.

You’ve ever had to contend with someone who thinks constipation for 4 hours is an emergency.

You refer to motorcyclists as organ donors.

You can eat a candy bar with one hand while performing digital stimulation on your patient with the other hand and it doesn’t bother you.

You believe Tylenol, Advil and Excedrin provide a large part of your daily caloric intake requirements.

You’ve ever held a 14-gauge needle over someone’s vein and said; “Now you’re going to feel a little stick.

You’ve ever had a patient with a nose ring, a brow ring and twelve earrings say “I’m afraid of shots.”

You’ve ever thought, “As long as he’s got a pulse, I don’t care about the rhythm.

You automatically multiply by three the number of drinks a patient claims to have daily.

You can keep a straight face when a patient responds “Just 2 beers.”

You believe the pain will go away when it stops hurting.

You believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac.

You have encouraged obnoxious patients to sign out AMA.

You believe the government should require a permit to reproduce.

Your most common assessment question at 2 a.m. is “Why is this an emergency now?” You firmly believe that “too stupid to live” should be a diagnosis.

You have to leave the patient before you begin to laugh uncontrollably.

You believe a book entitled “Suicide Getting it Right the First Time” will be your next project.

You believe a good tape job will fix anything.

You’ve ever had a patient look you dead in the eye and say ‘I don’t know how that got stuck in there.

You have special shrine in your home to the inventor of Haldol.

You believe unspeakable evil will befall you if anyone utters, “Wow, It is quiet in here.”

You believe a good time is a full arrest at shift change.

Narcan and Ativan are your friends.

You believe every ER waiting room should be supplied with a Valium salt lick.

[borat]

This very funny

[ConstanceGoodheart]

A few of those are old, but there were a couple I never read before... Good one!

[emt_girl24]

You really dont know how true this is until you have worked in an ER.

[fireflymedic]

OMG, after having worked in a university ER level one trauma I can truly say that on a friday or saturday night I am totally feelin it !