I'm having to make a tough choice...

[letmesleep]

Nothing in the world makes my blood boil worse than somebody/ anybody blaming society for the problems with our kids today. Happy, shame on you! It is not my fault that your child or the OP's child acts the way they do at this age, just as it is NOT your fault that my child acts the way she acts at this age. Blaming society for this behavior is a pure cop-out for being a lazy parent, end of story! There is nothing different from that and me being blamed for the slavery of the 19th century in American history based off my skin color.

TAKE RESPONSIBLITY FOR YOUR OWN CHILDREN AMERICA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[DwayneEMTP]

Man, one of the most damaged posts I've read here in a while...and the posts in the last month make that a difficult award to give....

The apology was for the statement You picked him - chosed him to be the father of your children, not the advise. That statement sounds like well its her fault from the very beginning just because she had his kids. Maybe he was a great guy at that time maybe not it just sounded snotty to me.

It was simply a way to prod her into taking personal responsibility, at least that’s the way that I read it.

And im sorry to say there are those kids and I had one that think the world owes them something...

Yes, exactly as they've been taught. Kids are not raised in a void, they are not responsible for their upbringing, stop trying to blame them for your failures.

...and short of beating the snot out of them there is nothing a parent could do.

Bullshit. There are tons of tools out there...if you chose not to take advantage of them then shame on you. You are often unable to use proper grammar and punctuation, please don't ask us to believe that you've taken the time to learn to intelligently parent children. You need more than your opinion to back up this statement that there was nothing to be done.

…I was so thankful when my parents took charge of him that is what families are for…

Double bullshit. Of course you were happy as it removed you from the damaged situation that you had created. We are all happy when the ugliness we’ve created suddenly goes away. Families, in my view, are for support, for sharing and celebrating. They are not, in my view, for dumping our problems on. You had opportunities to learn, for counseling, to change yourself in order to change your child, yet you chose to run. Do no allow yourself to pretend that that was the only option. It’s not good for you to lie to yourself.

Now my son realizes after living on his own that he was an ass and has even appologied to us for the attitude.

Good for him, he’s showing that perhaps he can become a healthy person now that he’s on his own.

Also our society is a part of the blame as we as parents have been taught that we must give our kids more than what we had. This is something that came from the depression era and it was a goal then but now it has gone overboard.

Again, a personal choice you made by choosing to remain ignorant of child rearing principles and also why you were offended by Kaisu’s comment. You seem unwilling at this point to accept anything that points responsibility for raising your children to you. Some day, when you grow up a bit, you’ll hopefully see these things differently.

Both you and the OP have options, you’ve simply chosen to ignore them and take the easy way out. I know you’re going to be majorly pissed by these comments, but maybe you shouldn’t be. You do what you know, at this point neither of you seem to know better. Not knowing better is not shameful, continuing not to know better when you know there are options is shameful.

I wish you both the best of luck, and even more so for your kids.

Dwayne

[mobey]

The problem I have with these parents blaming society for thier bad kids is.... what about the good kids??

Who's shoulders do you put the blame on for the kids who choose to have good manners and be a productive member of society?

It seems as paremts we are very reluctant to admit to our faults. When we have a "good" child we accept all the pat's on the back we can get, yet when our children misbehave we are pretty quick to point a finger at the neighbors, TV, school, anywhere but where it should be pointed... the mirror!

Ladybear, I hace decided to withold my opinion on this matter because I am not near mature enough or educated about this kind of thing to comment.

But I will offer one thing, my parents did exactly what you are doing and it did not work. I went to live with my uncle and aunt at age 16, once there I did more drugs, stole more stuff, and dropped out of school.

One thing you do have to consider is if your child gets "sent back home" you should have a plan! From my experience he may be back in a couple months worse than ever.

If your solution is to send him away now, make sure you have a plan B.

Best of luck, I can't imagine what your going through.

[Happiness]

Wow what a hand slap Dwayne. First of all the fact of my grammar skills have dick squat to do with my parenting skills you df.

Second of all I did a great job with my kids and they are all productive citizens in their communities. They all have great manners and still to this day if they are grocery shopping they will carry little old ladies groceries to their cars. They are not dead and they are not in jail. They go to work everyday and they pay their bills like you should when you become and adult.

I was not a perfect mother by any means and I didn't blame anyone else but let me tell you unless you live in a bubble then your kids are going to influenced by what is going on in our society good and bad. I was not blaming society as a whole I was saying that it had a part to do with how our kids precieve the world. I took responsibilty for my kids and I made them take responsibility for their actions. I never once appoligiesed for anything my kids did I made them do it.

So Dywany are you telling me if one of your grandkids was in trouble and your son/daughter asked you to help them by taking the kids because as the op said that child would listen to you would say no.

Then you say that my son became healthy because I am no longer in his life my god give you head a shake Im very much in his life. My kid became an adult and grew up. He is healthy because when he was young he was taught to say please and thankyou, to take his dishes to the counter, to clean a toilet, to do laundry, to respect his elders, and to be a good person in general not because he is away from me.

You decided to make this a personal attack against me and I don't appreciate that. The fact that the one with attitude went to go live with his grandparents was his choice not mine, and it was the best thing for him. My point to this whole thing was the fact that the OP came here to ask people what they thought about her sending a child to his grandparents. She gave alittle background on the pros and cons and then some of the posters slammed her and to me that statement sounded snotty. As i said before it wasn't the advice, but she could have left it at that.

Then she says it was to pull her out of her victim stance as far as I could see all she was doing was asking for advice I never saw a victim in the post.

Well to all of you who think I am wrong in this and that I am a terrible parent you are intittled to your opinon but be aware that I am to. I would love to know what books and semminars you all went to, to make yourselves such perfect parents. The other thing you should remember is that Teenagers are Teenager and in every generations you have the ones that glide through it with out insident and there are the ones that will rebel when given the opportunity. Its nice to know you got the gliders.

[Eydawn]

Dwayne? How, with all of your experience with behavioral stuff and your knowledge as a parent of a child, could you infer from an INTERNET posting the adequacy of a parent? Non sequitir, my friend!

Also... my brother has been a very intractable citizen for a good portion of his childhood, and is only now gaining maturity and an understanding of how to be a productive human being. Can you, inferring from what you know of me and my upbringing, blame my parents for the less desirable actions and attitudes that my brother had as a younger child? We grew up in the same damn household, with the same parents, the same neighborhood, the same economic situation and the same breakfast cereal. I don't buy it... and in case you're wondering, I was the sort of child who tried to figure out the logic of even the most illogical parenting decisions my parents were guilty of. My brother just acted out. Explain that one.

There are children who are difficult to manage. Parents do need to assume responsibility for raising their children and attempting to navigate the treacherous, crazy waters of being a good parent, no argument from me. But saying that a parent is solely responsible for creating the environment that wholly shapes the child is fallacious to say the least... the CHILD also bears responsibility.

You can't always change your child by changing yourself. You can't always change your child period, no matter what resources you avail yourself of. I think a parent who is smart enough to realize that what they're doing isn't working should be applauded for utilizing other resources... such as more experienced or just plain DIFFERENT family members. Families have a responsibility to each other, and I don't think you can infer that ANYONE is just "dumping their kid" on someone else. A lot of times, there is a great deal of discussion and suggestions from other family members where a problem kid is concerned, and it is usually a mutual decision for the child to live with other family for a time.

Saying that the parents are wholly responsible for the type person their child becomes removes responsibility for the child's actions, and condemns the innocent parent of every screwed up rapist, murderer and thief out there. There are plenty of parents who already assume too much guilt, just as there are plenty who assume none where it is warranted. Don't add to the mess.

I was offended by Kaisu's comment until the qualifier that it was an attempt to break the victim stance psyche was added. I read it as "you made your bed, now you sleep in it" rather than "you hold the power here... you can remake this bed without dwelling on the hurt he's done to you." Sometimes, things need to be spelled out to become clear. And who are we to judge someone who's been so hurt by a domestic partner? So they vent here that he's a shithead... doesn't mean we have to judge them or tell them how to live their life.

Wendy

CO EMT-B

[Kaisu]

Wow what a hand slap Dwayne. First of all the fact of my grammar skills have dick squat to do with my parenting skills you df.

What does df stand for? Your grammar skills - or lack thereof, give the impression of an ill educated semi literate and thus your opinions are discounted. I personally was taken aback by your lack of reasoning abilities as I had always been under the impression that Canadian paramedics were well educated and intelligent.

Second of all I did a great job with my kids and they are all productive citizens in their communities. They all have great manners and still to this day if they are grocery shopping they will carry little old ladies groceries to their cars. They are not dead and they are not in jail. They go to work everyday and they pay their bills like you should when you become and adult.

I am happy for you. I hope they bring you great joy.

So Dywany are you telling me if one of your grandkids was in trouble and your son/daughter asked you to help them by taking the kids because as the op said that child would listen to you would say no.

I don't know about Dwayne, but my children would never dream of imposing their responsibilities on me. The fact that a child thinks this is a reasonable thing to ask of a parent shows a definite lack of maturity on the part of the child. If that parent had raised such irresponsible children, what makes you think they will do better with a grandchild?

Then you say that my son became healthy because I am no longer in his life my god give you head a shake Im very much in his life. My kid became an adult and grew up. He is healthy because when he was young he was taught to say please and thankyou, to take his dishes to the counter, to clean a toilet, to do laundry, to respect his elders, and to be a good person in general not because he is away from me.

This makes no sense whatsoever. If your child is healthy because of the things that you made him do as a child then why did he need to go away to be respectful?

Then she says it was to pull her out of her victim stance as far as I could see all she was doing was asking for advice I never saw a victim in the post.

Don't blame me for your lack of perception and insight.

Its nice to know you got the gliders.

This is one of the stupidest things I have ever seen anyone say on this site. You have no idea of the parenting challenges that face other people. The reason you don't know is these people don't get on web sites pretending to want advice when all they really want is warm fuzzies and people commiserating with them about how hard it all is. They just go about educating themselves, facing down their own personal demons and putting the needs of their children ahead of their own.

[akflightmedic]

Let us take a little cooling off period...everyone breathe deep and relax.

ps df stands for dumb phuck in my dictionary, so when we resume, let us refrain from any further personal attacks. Ok?