CheekyEMT Posted September 19, 2008 Posted September 19, 2008 Ok, ladies. If your hubby said that he likes having you at home , being there all the time. Taking care of the kids and the house and everything else that needs to be done and after having you stay at home for a couple of months decided he liked you being at home rather then working and said he'd like you to stay home and not work, what would you do?? :?: :?: As most of you know I have been off work and since the accident last month decided I would use up the rest of my MAT leave, which would take me to the beginning of Feb before I would return to work. I have enjoyed being home with the kids and have loved being able to be home everyday and enjoy the new house. With my oldest off to her first yr of college, my 7 yr old in school full days now , it's just me and the baby at home. Hubby has been working out of town since May and is gone from Mon @3:30am to Sat@3am . It has been nice having alot of 1 on 1 time with the baby.....BUT....it does get kind of boring at times. I miss running the roads and being on the ambulance. Here's my dilema. When hubby was home last weekend we had a very in depth conversation about what each of us wants both in our relationship (which couldn't be any better) and our career's. Hubby is a millwright and has a very demanding and physically draining job. Mentally his mind has to be at work all the time (when he is at work) or serious injuries could occur. Take this wk for example....Hubby worked Wed afternoon from 4pm to Midnight. (his mind was not on his job because he was looking forward to coming home for the night) he sliced his index finger with the grinder from knuckle to knuckle and required 12 stitches. In the bigger scheme of things, that's a relatively minor injury....but men get killed on this job and he worries terribly. I hate his job. Anyway, he told me that he has enjoyed having me at home , taking care of the kids....not daycare costs, the house is always clean and everything is always done, he said it reduces stress in his life , makes his life easier and in turn helps him keep his mind on his job rather then stressing about things at home. He wants me to stay home and not return work. I know many woman would love to have the opportunity to stay at home with the kids and be a housewife. It's not something I've ever done....I've never been a housewife/stay at home mom and not sure I'd like it. However, I love my husband more then anything, we are very happy and secure in our relationship, we can afford to have me stay at home and not worry financially and I know it would make both him and the kids happy...but I don't know if I'd be completely happy. I love being a paramedic, it's a big part of who I am .....on the other hand, I love my kids and my family and they are a huge part of who I am. I think part of it is not wanting to lose my independence.....financially speaking. We don't need my paycheck, but I want my paycheck. I'm not the type of person who could be or wants to be completely dependent on my husband . He doesn't look at things like that.....his attitude with money is that it's just as much mine as it is his same as it's always been with my paycheck. But the thought of giving that up ...I dunno what I want to do.
letmesleep Posted September 19, 2008 Posted September 19, 2008 LOL......without sounding like a pig, I'd say let the women work......its less overtime I need to pull to cover the bills......lol oh, come on it was a joke! Seriously tho cheeky, If you two don't "need" your check, and will be financially stable without it, what about going back part-time instead of full-time. It will get you some time at work, but not over power you by having that full-time responsiblity. You will be at home most of the time as well, sounds like a win win to me......just a thought!
Leener77 Posted September 19, 2008 Posted September 19, 2008 I was a stay at home mom for quite some time after I married my husband. He was in the military and I went through EMT school while pregnant with our first. (granted I had a child but he was from a previous relationship) I worked for a little while part time in a hospital before we moved from FL. After that I became a full time SAHM, which was okay......but I did it for so long I was yearning to get out of the house some. I still needed to be at home during the day as my youngest wasn't in school yet, but I was able to work part time and have the best of both worlds. I was able to stay home during the day and be there for my husband and kids and then once or twice a week I would get out there and work and it felt GREAT! Now all my kids are in school all day and although I'm part time status, I work almost full time hours most weeks. But I get to choose which days and which shifts I want which works best for our schedules at home! So I totally agree with the above post......I think making a bit of a compromise would help you get what both of you desire. You can spend most of your time at home taking care of the kids, house, husband, etc.....but also be able to get out a couple times a week to keep your sanity (one of the big reasons I work as well ) and to have a little bit of 'mad money' of your own. Good luck to you in whatever you do decide to do!!
afib Posted September 19, 2008 Posted September 19, 2008 well i see it this way, if a woman wants to work, and the paycheck is not truely necessary then fine. as long as all bases are covered (i.e. kids and schedules there of) hey fine. cabin fever sucks. besides extra money can go to extra fun in the sun or put yourself a little bit ahead on something, thereby you can breathe a little easier and less stress and live a little more. this though is not the economy of like 1960 - 1970's where one income did it, i tried to explain this to someone and got a deaf ear till a year or two ago when it was said " gee guess you were right". my point it if she wants to work hey all beit, it helps. but this aint the 1950's where the phrase of being barefoot and stuck in the kitchen applies. things have changed an so must peoples attitudes.
CheekyEMT Posted September 19, 2008 Author Posted September 19, 2008 I could consider the part time option, although it would be nothing but a tease to me....I love being on the ambulance and would want more then a day or 2 a wk. If things were looked at from a financial point of view, we'd be lowering our annual household income by $72,000 if I don't return to work after my MAT leave. That's a HUGE reduction in income. With the MAT leave right now I still get paid 80% of my salary. I have been a medic for 18yrs...right from college. Only time I have ever taken off work was to have my babies. I love my job, but I love my family more. I guess it boils down to whats more important.....and I don't even need to think about that. My family obviously and always comes first . I suppose had he talked to me about this before buying the new house and only being a month into it, the decision would have been a little easier. We have alot of overhead now , a huge mortgage with payments that probably equal 2 payments for others. Yes, hubbies income is more then enough to cover everything and still leave money at the end of the month with growth in the savings acct every month as well. But holy crap....going from his income and mine to just his and losing $72,000/yr is kinda scary.
Michael Posted September 19, 2008 Posted September 19, 2008 Part-time seems does seem worth trying -- how about more than two days a week? It'll also give you something to look forward to when you're not out and about. It might help him come to support that idea if he could hear from some woman he knows and trusts, and who's been in your situation, that breaking the tedium at home will make you happier and more interesting company for yourself as well as for your family.
Dustdevil Posted September 19, 2008 Posted September 19, 2008 Ok, ladies. If your hubby said that he likes having you at home , being there all the time. Taking care of the kids and the house and everything else that needs to be done and after having you stay at home for a couple of months decided he liked you being at home rather then working and said he'd like you to stay home and not work, what would you do?? :?: :?: It all depends on what the deal was when you married. If you married, with the understanding that you'd be working, then that is your licence to keep working. If you married with the understanding that you'd stay home, then you are honour bound to abide by that commitment. Changing your commitment and contribution to the relationship midstream is a deal breaker, unless both parties agree without reservation. And, of course, if you didn't get this all straight BEFORE getting married, then your marriage sucks. :wink:
CheekyEMT Posted September 19, 2008 Author Posted September 19, 2008 And, of course, if you didn't get this all straight BEFORE getting married, then your marriage sucks. :wink:
Michael Posted September 19, 2008 Posted September 19, 2008 Not usually, but once in a great while, one of Dust's posts will remind me of a story my father told me long ago: The captain and the first-mate of a British navy vessel took turns each evening recording an official log of the day's events. After some weeks on the high seas, on a evening that it was the captain's turn to record everything that had taken place, the first-mate had had a bit too much to drink. He eventually stumbled off to bed, and slept it off, but the following evening, when he opened the log-book to write his report, he was alarmed to see that the captain had entered "First-mate was drunk today." So he went to the captain and pleaded to have that item erased. "Look, Captain," the first-mate begged, "It never happened before, and I'll never do it again. Couldn't we overlook it just this once? Your notation will ruin my career!" "Sorry," replied the captain, "But rules are rules. We both joined the navy with the understanding that everything we do will be recorded, and each of us is honour-bound to abide by that commitment. Changing your commitment and contribution midstream is a deal breaker." The next evening that it was the captain's turn to record the day's events, he opened the official log-book to find that the first-mate had written: "Captain was sober today." :wink:
rock_shoes Posted September 19, 2008 Posted September 19, 2008 I grew up having a stay at home mom and I can honestly tell you there are a lot of advantages to it. The thing you have to consider is whether or not you will be happy long term giving up your career. If you're miserable as a result it isn't worth it because the benefits of you staying home will be negated. I know myself that I would never be happy as a stay at home dad (not that I have any children at this point). As much as I would love any children I have I would be absolutely miserable.
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