Unintended elder abuse - calling Grandma "Sweetie"

[Richard B the EMT]

As a student I haven't seen a ton of patients, but every elderly patient I've dealt with when referred to as "Mr or Mrs Soandso" has followed up with "Please just call me Firstname."

Great! You just got permission from the patient to call them by their first name. Outstanding! Do so.

Just don't do it without their permission, is all I am saying.

Just a notation, here. In the early winter of 2001, at a "Doo-Wop/Oldies" Concert held at York College, I met up with a woman who had been a year ahead of me in Junior High School, and a soprano in the school chorus ( I had been a tenor). She, herself, was now a vocal music teacher, in charge of her own chorus. As her chorus had been included in the concert, I made a point of calling her "Ms ****", out of deference to her position as a teacher, with her students standing next to her.

I was wearing a so-called "Job Shirt" (Check the Galls Catalog), identifying me as a member of the FDNY EMS Command. Yet, she insisted on calling me by my first name.

1) Would you call a former peer, now an instructor, by their first name, in front of those they teach? That is not the way I was brought up, and besides, even when not on the job, it seems disrespectful, at least to me.

2) Should not the courtesy be returned? Apparently, she didn't think so, or at least as extended towards me.

(In disclosure, she did bitch at me, when I beat her out by one point to being the highest score in vocal music in the school the year she graduated; perhaps she still held a grudge?)

[firedoc5]

Great! You just got permission from the patient to call them by their first name. Outstanding! Do so.

Just don't do it without their permission, is all I am saying.

Just a notation, here. In the early winter of 2001, at a "Doo-Wop/Oldies" Concert held at York College, I met up with a woman who had been a year ahead of me in Junior High School, and a soprano in the school chorus ( I had been a tenor). She, herself, was now a vocal music teacher, in charge of her own chorus. As her chorus had been included in the concert, I made a point of calling her "Ms ****", out of deference to her position as a teacher, with her students standing next to her.

I was wearing a so-called "Job Shirt" (Check the Galls Catalog), identifying me as a member of the FDNY EMS Command. Yet, she insisted on calling me by my first name.

1) Would you call a former peer, now an instructor, by their first name, in front of those they teach? That is not the way I was brought up, and besides, even when not on the job, it seems disrespectful, at least to me.

2) Should not the courtesy be returned? Apparently, she didn't think so, or at least as extended towards me.

(In disclosure, she did bitch at me, when I beat her out by one point to being the highest score in vocal music in the school the year she graduated; perhaps she still held a grudge?)

My favorite teacher in high school is still there. He's told me to call him Charlie but I just can't do it. To me it's like going up to the Pope and saying, "Hey, Benny, how's it hanging?". I'm the same way with a few of my former teachers. A few of my peers do call some of our old teachers by their first names, but for some reason I'm hesitant to. Would that be a respect issue?

[njmedic1485]

This is also one of my pet peeves. Everyone should be adressed as by thier surname with the appropriate title. Most people will readily agree to a more familiar form of address, but I think it's respectful to get permission first and that is the first lesson for all of my ride alongs. I did run into a similar situation recently, one of my son's friends from high school recently became a police officer in a nearby town. As luck would have it we wound up on a job he was first responding to and he adressed me as he always had "Hi Mr. Jester" (he was a very polite kid, I'm glad to see the academy didn't break him of that). I told him it wa okay to call me Bob, he said it just didn't seem right. I felt old that night.

[zonk7]

Everyone should be adressed as by thier surname with the appropriate title.

I don't think it would seem right for me to call a 9 yr old Mr.****, Would it be ok in a case involving a child to use the first name instead? I always have used the first name of the pt, never had a problem but I should start really be more proper when dealing with addressing older pts. :angel4:

[firedoc5]

I don't think it would seem right for me to call a 9 yr old Mr.****, Would it be ok in a case involving a child to use the first name instead? I always have used the first name of the pt, never had a problem but I should start really be more proper when dealing with addressing older pts. :angel4:

I know what you mean.

[Dustdevil]

There, of course, is a fine line between kids and adults. There are 14 year olds who look 30, and there are 30 year olds who look 14. But if you are talking to your patient, you should at that point know how old they are. I don't know of any hard and fast rule on what point "Billy" becomes "Mr. Smith", so this is just another one of those judgement calls that a provider has to make. But any error should be on the side of caution. The problem we are attempting to prevent here is that of over-familiarity. It can conjure serious barriers to the relationship between you and your patient communicatively, therapeutically, and professionally. On the other hand, if you are being overly-formal, no harm is done to the relationship. They will simply grant you permission to address them informally and move on cordially.

There is no such thing as being too formal. Being formal cannot harm the provider-patient relationship. But being over-familiar can create irreparable harm to the provider-patient relationship. Not considering this before addressing any and all patients is an unforgivable error in judgement. You are a professional. Think like one. Professionals carefully consider all of their professional actions before acting, and this is just another of those actions to be considered. There is no excuse whatsoever for failure. This is showing disregard and disrespect for your patient and his or her dignity. That's just as bad as assaulting them. And, as previously stated, my employee or student would get only one warning before hitting the unemployment line.

[firedoc5]

There, of course, is a fine line between kids and adults. There are 14 year olds who look 30, and there are 30 year olds who look 14. But if you are talking to your patient, you should at that point know how old they are. I don't know of any hard and fast rule on what point "Billy" becomes "Mr. Smith", so this is just another one of those judgement calls that a provider has to make. But any error should be on the side of caution. The problem we are attempting to prevent here is that of over-familiarity. It can conjure serious barriers to the relationship between you and your patient communicatively, therapeutically, and professionally. On the other hand, if you are being overly-formal, no harm is done to the relationship. They will simply grant you permission to address them informally and move on cordially.

There is no such thing as being too formal. Being formal cannot harm the provider-patient relationship. But being over-familiar can create irreparable harm to the provider-patient relationship. Not considering this before addressing any and all patients is an unforgivable error in judgement. You are a professional. Think like one. Professionals carefully consider all of their professional actions before acting, and this is just another of those actions to be considered. There is no excuse whatsoever for failure. This is showing disregard and disrespect for your patient and his or her dignity. That's just as bad as assaulting them. And, as previously stated, my employee or student would get only one warning before hitting the unemployment line.

I believe "formal" goes along with "professionalism".

[Richard B the EMT]

Just coincidentally, I just got an E-Mail from one of those "where are your classmates now?' sites, and the woman I referred to is now a member of that site.

We now resume our regularly scheduled broadcast