Writer needs assistance

[L.Smith]

I am writing a scene that will take place in an ambulance. The woman was found passed out in the middle of the street. She is going in an out of consciousness and is going into shock.

I was hoping someone might be so kind as to tell me what would be going on and what type of dialog there would be.

Thank you, thank you,

Laurie

[spenac]

wow sorry can't help thats left for my book. :wink:

[crotchitymedic1986]

Need more definition from you. The layperson's term for shock and the clinical version of shock are two different things. If you mean she is in and out of consciousness because of being too upset by something, little would be going on in the back of the ambulance. If you mean the clinical definition of shock: patient is in an altered state of mind due to too much blood loss, a severe infection, a neurological injury or disease, or an allergic reaction to something, then alot would be going on. So what has happened to the lady in your story ?

[L.Smith]

UGH……I typed up a response and must have hit preview instead of submit. Me and electronic devices don’t mix. (Remove mind from gutter immediately) hehe

Anyway, the woman has witnessed her mother and young son killed by an unnatural being. She has a head injury that is bleeding but it did not knock her out. She lost consciousness later. She was found on the street, no ID. It is also very cold and she is not dressed appropriately.

I am a screenwriter not a book writer so we are talking a limited scene. What I was thinking was a series of shots from her point of view where she comes in and out of consciousness. So it would be seconds of dialog followed by blackness.

My thought was:

1) She opens her eyes. Maybe they ask her what her name is? (Would that be a reasonable thing to assume would be asked?)

2) She comes to again. Maybe we hear what her blood pressure is? I don’t know.

3) She comes to in the hospital while being handed off from the paramedic to the doctor. I guess they would tell her stats or what? Nothing over the top, just to add a little action.

The angles and camera work would be rough. I want it to feel like we are her. So from her POV it would be a lot more intense then someone just watching.

Thanks for your thought.

Laurie

[crotchitymedic1986]

If the only report that the medics had was that she was found unconscious with a bleeding head wound, you would most likely see:

The patient would be immobilized with a ccollar and backboard, it would be reasonable for her to wake up with an oxygen mask, seeing two medics working above her -- as she gained consciousness, they would ask her questions to gauge how conscious she is -- like asking her name, if she knows where she is, or what day it is -- they would ask about her medical history and medication allergies she has. Other things they could be doing or saying:

Checking her pupils for response to light

Checking, stating vital signs: blood pressure, pulse, EKG, glucose reading, coma scale.

Starting an IV or INT (no IV bag or line, just IV access).

Discussing which hospital to take her too -- trauma center --- radio/ cell phone patient report given to the hospital while enroute.

Visit your local EMS service, I am sure they will be more than willing to let you see the equipment or discuss ideas.

[FormerEMSLT297]

Laurie ,, good luck with your storty,,, but be careful of your use of abbreviations

POV= Personally Owned Vehicle .......... as well as Point of View,, and some others as well

LOL

[Richard B the EMT]

An unnatural being? We talking about some kind of weirdo person, some kind of demon, or some unknown life form that came through the Stargate?

At least you know you caught my attention, and probably other Sci-Fi fans on the site. Keep us posted.

[firedoc5]

As a writer of short stories, may I make a suggestion? Instead of her going in and out of consciousness so often (which rarely happens unless on a long ambulance ride) and answering questions, have her "packaged" and the same treatments being done as the other's have mentioned. And have it seen through her eyes, blurred tunnel vision, and when she does have her "eyes opened" she can look up and see the Medics and hear all the background talk, heart monitor, siren, ambulance engine revved up, etc. And contrary to popular beliefs, those things don't ride like Cadillacs.

One reason it would be a good reason for her to see things through her own eyes is that if they ever make it a movie she'd be practically naked, especially from the waist up. :director2: :director:

But what do I know, I've never been published.

Check with your local EMS and see if you could do some ride-a-longs. And I'm sure there are some Medics in your area that can help with the other elements for your story.

That'll be $100.00 for the creative input....each. :evil3: (Just kidding) But I want a signed first addition copy. :read2:

[Richard B the EMT]

And contrary to popular beliefs, those things don't ride like Cadillacs.

As one who is old enough to have been the crew on "Caddylances", I have to comment that even the "caddylances", depending on the roadway and chauffer, could still give a bumpy ride. They did smooth it out a lot, but I don't think any ground vehicle, then or now is totally smooth ride capable. Some come close.

[firedoc5]

As one who is old enough to have been the crew on "Caddylances", I have to comment that even the "caddylances", depending on the roadway and chauffer, could still give a bumpy ride. They did smooth it out a lot, but I don't think any ground vehicle, then or now is totally smooth ride capable. Some come close.

You're not kidding on the Caddylances. The smoothest ride I had in a Type III was made by Excellance Ambulance. They're sort of the BMW of ambulances. But that was 17-19 yrs. ago. I don't even know if they are still in business. We had a tour of their operation in Birmingham, AL if I remember right.