Funniest story involving................

[crotchitymedic1986]

A dead body

(thread shamelessly hijacked from the question about "bodies"). Two of mine from when I worked at a service that had to do the transports:

1. Elderly female found dead in a chair. Rookie cop on scene, when we moved her to the stretcher, air escaped from her lungs and vocal cords, making a faint moaning sound. Cop spun around to run, hit the wall -- as i bit a hole in my lip trying not to laugh too loud (family in other room), I said its OK, its just air escaping from her lungs -- He said, "dammit, make her stop that", he was almost in tears --- I laughed a good month on that one.

2. Had to transport A GSW to the head to the State Crime Lab at about 2am. Was in a van ambulance, and had that old style radio headset hanging from the overhead grip-bar (lights were out in the back of the truck as we made our way down the interstate). I was sitting sideways in the passenger's seat, facing my partner, trying to keep him awake. As we got into the city, the interstate had street lights, and as thise streetlights flashed through the side door windows, I caught a glimpse of the headset cord whiping around back and forth, and I thought the patient was alive and out of the body bag, I nearly had a code-brown.

[Cookie]

This happened nearly a 80 years ago in my family. My Granddad was a barber and where they lived they laid the body out at home, and buried them the next day or so, the local barber was called in to shave the person and make him presentable to lay out. Well my granddad was notified of a death of this old boy. He took his apprentice with him to go shave and get the man presentable. In those days they just sat on the bed or straddled the body to shave them. Granddad asked his apprentice to shave him while he got the suit ready. As the guy climbed on the bed, gas escaped from the stomach and the body belched, scared the apprentice so bad he jumped off the bed and out thru the window, they never saw him again.

[Chief1C]

I've been utterly horrified, by the sight of a body after an attempted murder/suicide by a very powerful gun. Clearly the dead victim shot the surviving one with a different gun, or there wouldn't have been much left for us to find. It was also clear, that either the decedent was a really bad shot, or plastered drunk.

I thought I was alone, outside of a house where another victim was being treated. I heard something and got spooked, turn out the person breathing and making sounds was a child that ran to hide. However, with my penlight, I found a horrifically disfigured, body just a mess, all in one area against a wall from like the nipple line up. I almost vomited, but I didn't crap myself; although it took a long time to get rid of the image, mentally.

[unknown]

My one and only experience with the deceased was a rather bad car wreck where we had to have the fire department lift the engine off the patient, and after unwrapping her leg from the B post we pulled her out of the car and loaded her into the Ambulance awaiting the coroner. Being in an extremely Rural area we had to wait for a while for the Coroner to arrive from half the county over. Being in EMT school at the time my Preceptors quizzed me on how I felt about this experience, the death of the patient and such. I was fine, really the CSF leaking all over the back of the truck, the Gray matter smeared on the door from loading the patient- none of it phased me. Coroner finally showed and we assisted loading her into a body bag that had this pleasantly clean ORANGE smell. None of it affected me at all. Upon arriving back at base we Deconed the back of the ambulance and then cleaned up ourselves.

The kicker was when all was said and done I was hungry- and just needed a small snack. There was a bag of candy on the table filled with various kinds of left over Halloween candies. I grabbed a "Bonkers" flavor= ORANGE

Well kicker is that that candy tasted EXACTLY like the body bag had smelt and I lost it! Breakfast and Lunch both- I barely made it to the girls room in time.

To this day- I have never nor will I ever eat another Orange Bonkers- and I have shied away from orange starburst as well.............

[DwayneEMTP]

A dead body part....

I had a transfer to the front gate the other day. Three patients, two with abdominal/thoracic gunshot wounds three days post op, and a third with IV antibiotics and unresolved gangrene somewhere below his right knee.

In Afghanistan you quickly learn that bathing habits are completely different that for most of us in other parts of the world. They bath their rear ends, hands and feet regularly, the rest almost never. This makes some people very angry, but simply makes perfect sense to me in a world where there is precious little water. But, it can make transporting them in the back of a hot ambulance a little bit challenging.

Pt A, sitting in the jump seat is two days without a bath, has urine and feces in his undergarments and soaked up into his clothing. Smelled pretty bad, but we've all smelled ‘pretty bad’ before. Body odor is remarkable even when compared to the soiled clothing.

Pt B is on a stretcher, with absolutely the worst body odor that I've ever smelled. All have Foley's in place as well as two having chest tubes bilat, so just smell from the catch containers can be challenging at times, but this was a lot....(I’m not sure how well any of this translates to those used to the catch containers being changed hourly, but here I’ve rarely (ever?) seen them changed before they are full, yes, chest tubes included…)

Pt C appears in better shape, but his R lower leg is bandaged completely around the foot and up to the Knee. And it’s emanating the most putrid smell that I have ever smelled on a human. Notice I didn't say a living human, as I've never smelled anything so bad on a dead body.

Now understand, that while this is certainly a sad state of affairs for these three gentlemen, the only place for me to be in the back of the truck is to kneel on my jump bag in the center of the three. No ventilation and perhaps 100-105F in the back, yeah...not great, but I've decided that as I've worn my big boy pants, I will do my job.

I tell Mikey to "get us there the best you can man...I need out of the back." He responds, "Roger."

Off we go. Maybe 3 minutes into transport and 30 seconds after I think, "Hell, I can stand anything for 10 minutes." I think, "Oh yeah, I'm gonna puke." Poop, Pee, Puke, necrosis, I have historically been able to do ok with all, but today I'm about to learn that the combination may take me to a new level.

I tell Mikey to hurry the hell up! At which point ambulance control comes on the radio and says, "Med 6, you left the hospital without your medications, return for them, over." I look up and see that our drug box is not in the truck! Not much of an ambulance without the drug box...But I am not going back!

I say, "Ambulance control, Medic 6, negative on the meds, I'm confident that I can manage these patients without my drug box."

To Mikey, "Don't you 'Uuurrrrff" Listen to 'rrrrreeeeetttchchhch' them Mikey, God damn it!" Mikey, "Rodger."

To me, "Medic 6 you must return for the medications, OVER!"

To them, "Negative! I'm (pantpantpantpant) confident I can manage my pt load without the "UUUuuuuurrrrrrrrrrr" Drug BOX! OVER!"

To me, "Medic 6, not YOUR drug box, the hospital didn't give you the PATIENT'S MEDICATIONS!" You....have.....got.....to.....be.....friggin....kidding me! These folks have it hard enough, of course I can't continue without their meds.

Finally had to pull over, let the back air out for a few, Mikey "Wow, you look like shit.... hehe" Me, "Mikey, I swear to God that if you would like to get even a single day older that you will NOT go down that road......" Mikey, "Roger."

Anyway, I'm not sure how funny this story is to those that have never been in a position to have to try and manage their emesis as well as pt care, Hell, not sure it will be funny even to those that have, but looking back I think it's pretty funny.

The EMS Gods seem to like me humble... :-)

Dwayne

[Eydawn]

Oh man. That had to be difficult! Dwayne, I'm going to send you a care package with a case of Vick's Vapo-Rub in it. It masks the smell of nasty...

It can be challenging not to vomit in that sort of situation! You must have guts of steel!

Wendy

CO EMT-B