akflightmedic Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 I hear what you are saying and I was sincere in my lack of understanding how anyone thinks a hit, swat or whatever is justifiable. I truly do not grasp the concept. I can stop a "fit" which seems to be the only undesirable thing we are discussing here since it is the most visible to others around us, using several other tactics, none of which involve a swat. Stopping the fit seems to be of major concern and I will say the only reason it is, is because no one wants to be viewed as a bad parent. Allowing your child to throw a fit draws attention to you and your parenting skills and oh no, we can not have that now can we? Other ways make take a bit longer and "exhaust" the parent, but there are indeed other ways. Like I said, it inconveniences the parent and other family members immensely, but it is consistent and the others learn from it as well. It positively reinforces their future behaviors.
spenac Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 One could argue though that by punishing the whole family by leaving the store actually may have given the fit thower what they wanted. Some kids are vindictive dontcha know. :twisted:
Arizonaffcep Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 Actually, my wife and I have talked about this, and we have no qualms about letting our child have a tantrum in a store. Just stand there, and when they are done...they still don't get what they want. Although, I'm not against a single swat (in reason) for a punishment, followed by a time-out and apology by the child for what they did.
spenac Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 Actually, my wife and I have talked about this, and we have no qualms about letting our child have a tantrum in a store. Just stand there, and when they are done...they still don't get what they want. Although, I'm not against a single swat (in reason) for a punishment, followed by a time-out and apology by the child for what they did. Maybe we should all use the Jeff Foxworthy method when the kid throws a tantrum just loudly say "Where are your parents?" as you walk away.
Arizonaffcep Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 Maybe we should all use the Jeff Foxworthy method when the kid throws a tantrum just loudly say "Where are your parents?" as you walk away. Love it!
spenac Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 Love it! Thank very much I'll be here all week.
mobey Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 Actually, my wife and I have talked about this, and we have no qualms about letting our child have a tantrum in a store. Just stand there, and when they are done...they still don't get what they want. Although, I'm not against a single swat (in reason) for a punishment, followed by a time-out and apology by the child for what they did. Through positive re-enforcement, and non violent disapline... I cannot remember the last time my kids threw a "Fit". Now i'm not saying anything about your method, but sometimes if you do not agknowledge bad behaviour it will continue (although sometimes it goes away ). When I had kids I made a concious decision not to strike them. My decision is based off my own fear of my father, as well as my mothers seminars on alternative parenting I HAD to attend LOL. It has worked for me so far. I did a google scholar search on spanking and can not find a single supportive document.
Arizonaffcep Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 That's because the researchers were afraid of doing a bad job! :twisted: There is no right or wrong answer to this "spanking vs not" idea. Partly, it's the parents, but also it's the kids. There are some kids out there that need little more than a point in the right direction and they have it, then there are others who...well watching paint dry can be more productive .
akflightmedic Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 Ok, my 6 hours of sleep are over. I do have a few more comments/questions/observations (who would've thunk eh?) I want to preface this by saying my sister-in-law who has 4 kids uses the same method as I do for discnipline. So, I am able to appreciate the effectiveness of what I do by observing her kids and seeing near identical results between the two families. I know it isn't scientific but the same procedures work the same for two very different families as my unit is very different from hers (education, socio economic, views/beliefs on life,etc). What is amazing, is none of us have any qualms about watching the other's kids. She has taken all 7 kids grocery shopping by herself. We have taken her kids out to eat, out to the hardware store, etc and had no worries or fears. For some parents, taking one child is one child too many. Why do you suppose this is? Anyways here is one of my MAIN points about the method of discnipline I use. I can correct my child anywhere at any time in any place and no one around us would be the wiser. I do not have to yell or hit my child to immediately correct their behavior. If you lay down the proper groundwork when they are young and stick to it, all it takes is a whisper in the ear to fix a "situation". If it has always taken a swat, meaning you allow behaviors to continue to the point where a swat is the only thing that stops it, the child knows this and will push and push until they reach swatting level. This is also the "end" for the child. For me, as a child who was "swatted" often, I knew everything was done once I got hit. Was not a big deal after a while, cause physically we can block that, anyone can. Mentally I had to put myself somewhere else. This also holds true for the parents. In order to hit or swat a child, you have to put yourself somewhere else. You can not strike repetetively withut mentally making yourself something you are not. I never could understand why my parents were angry or why their faces looked the way they did, but now I realize they were probably just as shamed cause they realized they had no other tools to work with and disgusted they were resorting to such barbarianism. But they did it anyways... So I guess my ramblings are this... If you lay a nonviolent consistent framework in the early years, you will have the ability to immeditaely rectify any unfavorable situtation by a few simple words in the ear and never have the need to be something else and resort to hitting.
CTXMEDIC Posted January 29, 2009 Posted January 29, 2009 Im loving these sensationalistic comments! 'barbarianism' 'visciousness'....lmfao.
Recommended Posts