Working 24 hour shifts with the opposite sex

[Richard B the EMT]

While only working 8 hour tours, I have worked with women partners.

When I was first assigned with one, it was kind of funny, as the female partner knew both my girlfriend and I from outside the job, plus, both the girlfriend and I were invited to the partner's wedding, prior to her being assigned as my partner. I have also worked with the partner's husband, sister, the sister's husband, and the two women's mother! The sisters had a younger sister, who was a VAS Junior member (she was a dispatcher), and actually helped me break the ice with Lady J, now my girlfriend, Johanna.

I've been "hit on" by partners, both male and female. (I have no clue if they were just trying to rattle my cage, or if they meant it.) After advising them that they were making me uncomfortable with the advances, and that I was already in a comfortable relationship with my Lady J, they backed off. Incidentally, without mentioning the advances, I have actually introduced Lady J to some of these people.

I also have a knowledge of colleagues who have had affairs with their partners. At least one of them resulted in a child, a divorce, a second marriage, and another divorce. She is now apparently happy with her third husband.

Then, there was the husband who was so distrustful of his wife, he called up the station and accused any males who answered the telephone of having an affair with his wife, who was one of our EMTs. I had to tell him that I had no knowledge of any affair. He didn't meet my then fiancee, as he refused to allow his wife to go to any ambulance parties, where she (the fiancee) was attending with me.

As for fidelity in "Dog/Cat" crews, as in a lot of things, you have to take each one as an individual case.

[tskstorm]

Ive worked with guys, gals, gals turned guy, and guys turned gals, and just like Richard, been hit on, have done hitting on etc... It all comes down to your relationship not your job, you could be in EMS, LE, or many other positions that would have you and a female all alone for hours on end. Its all about how you act with them.

My advice, is a mix of what's already been said my only flare to add is if you need therapy I'm always available for a consult!

[mobey]

and guys turned gals, just like Richard.

I had no idea

Edited April 9, 2009 by mobey

[tskstorm]

:lol: :lol: :lol:

There is an AND in there lol

[Lone Star]

I've worked the 'night shift' and also 24 hour shifts with members of the opposite sex. Nothing happened between myself and my female partners, because we were both professionals.

I know this has all been said before, but if there is trust issues on behalf of your spouse/mate/significant other, they need to be addressed.

As far as the old adage about 'if it's offered, a man will take it' is pure BUNK!

It IS possible to have a platonic relationship with a member of the opposite sex, even if it IS in a 'remote/secluded' station!

Even IF your shift partner were interested in 'something more personal', it appears that you're dedicated to your spouse/mate/significant other and aren't interested in any 'extra cirricular activities'.

I'm of the firm belief that no matter how 'interested' someone is in me, if I'm not 'on the market'....the 'interested person' can't have anything other than friendship. It doesn't matter how much that person wants something 'more'.

My suggestion is just like most of the rational responses. Have your wife/girlfriend meet the partner and maybe then she'll realize that your shift is nothing more than two professionals doin thte job they were hired to do! Another thing you might consider, is to give her a tour of the station and point out where you are, and how your partner is in the 'other room'.

[HERBIE1]

I will echo the comment that this is NOT a job related problem, it's a relationship issue. If someone has issues about working with the opposite sex, they probably also go ballistic every time their spouse isn't within 5 feet of them or every time they leave the house.

Trust.

[Beeb]

I have had female partners in the past and have seen others in this predicament, but haven't had the problem myself (my wife was cool about it). One thing I have seen done in order to assuage any fears the Mrs. (or Mr.) has is, after explaining the problem and getting your partners permission, to introduce them. Bring your wife to the station or, better yet, see if can go out for a meal together & make it a night out. Get your partner to bring her spouse, boyfriend, et al. if she can. From what I've seen, after the spouse gets to know the partner, they usually realize that there's nothing to worry about. Unless your partner is just way hotter than your wife...then you're screwed.

[Miss Sasha]

My spouse doesn't like this arrangement and thinks that it is an opportunity for relationships to form or someone to make an accusation of some kind of harassment or assault.

It sounds like your significant other has trust issues. But before I go running off into an eye rolling, scoffing rant against your spouse I have to wonder.

Do you do anything to make her worried about the possiblity of you wandering? Do you stare at other girls, make comments, make her feel like you're interested in someone else?

If not, she needs to get over it. She's not your mommy and she doesn't get to decide who you do and do not work with. In tough economic times she should be grateful you have a job. To decline that assignment based on your partner may at the very least make you look difficult in the eyes of your employer, and at the very most, could get you fired.

I never understood women who didn't feel their partners were capable of a platonic relationship with a member of the opposite sex. I'd find that mentality insulting if I were a male.

Just as a side note, as a female, I always took care not to do anytihng that could be taken as flirting with my male partners. Work is work, not somewhere to pick up a chick or a dude.

Edited April 12, 2009 by Miss Sasha

[fireflymedic]

Most of the services I have worked have done male/female or male/male crews only for the pure simple reason that female/female crews led to too much fussing and fighting. I hated having female partners and would take a male over the majority of females I was placed with any day. I have also been in the situation of a rural station with a male only and I don't think it posed a problem. Much of it is in how you portray the situation. I make it obvious from day one that I am not interested in getting involved with a relationship (that manner) with anyone at work - I think dating someone you work with, especially in EMS can just lead to issues. Even husband/wife teams can be a bad idea sometimes as if they are fighting it can make the shift miserable for everyone ! Because of that I've had no problems with a trust issue with my fiance' nor has anyone else. It's common for family members to come to dinner and its pretty routine to have at least one spouse/significant other around. I've not seen anything questionable out of the services I've worked because it was understood by all that behavior was unacceptable and would lead to dismissal. Bottom line though, if it truly makes you and her uncomfortable even after discussion (heck include your work partner and let them know your wife's discomfort with the situation as well) then either attempting to change the situation by sleeping somewhere else or changing stations/shifts if you cant reach an amicable agreement between them both. Typically, I've found the more involved spouses (both male and female) tend to have less problems than the ones that their partners don't ever stop by - just my experience, others results may vary. I'll take my male partner and be happy, and let my significant other stop by whenever he likes.

[WANTYNU]

My three cents (getting ready for inflation);

Trust is EVERYTHING, you have to trust your partner, your partner must trust you, your patient must trust both of you, and you and your spouse (or significant other) must trust each other, that’s it, period end of story.

Dr. Ian Malcolm in Jurassic Park said "Life finds a way", well so will love (or lust).

If the parties want it, it will happen, I think the whole thing about having a video camera is a little ridiculous, the truth is we’re not available 24/7, who's gonna take a call when doing CPR or an extraction with a Hurst tool cracking in your ear? So who would do the same while getting a little ill-gotten nookie? The person calling just gets voice mail (or an empty crew room to look at) all the same....

And besides, who want's to live in a fishbowl?

The greater problem is more likely stupid rumors from other crew, those can hurt a career as well as a partnership.

We literally trust our lives to the person (male or female) in the seat next to us. When on the job, for the next eight / twelve / sixteen / or twenty four hours, it is the most important relationship in our lives.

It’s a hard concept for people outside our world to appreciate, but it helps a lot if you can get your spouse to understand it. If you are having problems, the best thing you can do is take the time and try to explain it.

I know a few folks who ended a marriage on the bus, and a lot more who haven’t. Btw I’ve only heard of one case that actually ended because of a romance between partners.

Trust is where it starts.

As Always IMHO

Be safe

Wantynu

Edited April 12, 2009 by WANTYNU