You Know You're a Rookie When...

[Anna_09]

Haha, well, I've been in EMS for only about a year, and I've already done half of these...I bolded the ones I've done. I thought these were cute. :-) Just a part of learning!!

- Your medic asks you to grab a 4x4 and you bring him a small wooden board.

- It takes you 10 minutes to find a fresh pillow case in the ER.

- You step on the pulse ox cord and rip it out of the machine.

(I actually did that yesterday)

- You dash over to the patient with a backboard, C-collar, and one head chock.

- You are baffled by triangular bandages.

- You put the blood-pressure cuff on your patient's arm BACKWARDS.

(I've done that more than once )

- You lock your hand in the gurney as you push your patient into the back of the ambulance.

- You are roasting alive but can't find the a/c switch for the cab and when your driver-trainer says "figure it out" you promptly roll the window down.

- As soon as you wheel the patient into the ER you hear the familiar words: "You can go clean the ambulance now."

(I've heard that so much that I don't even have to be told anymore, haha)

- You walk into the patient's house and trip over their cat.

- You accidently grab a pair of ex-large gloves instead of mediums.

- You hook up the O2 and hand your adult patient a pedi non-rebreather.

- Your medic asks you to get a blood pressure but all you can hear is the ambulance bouncing down the road.

- Every time you try to count respirations your medic leans over and asks the patient a question.

- You turn bright red when you find your patient laying on the floor in their underpants.

- You ask a billion questions and follow your medic around like a shadow.

(Soooooo true!!! )

- You are absolutely terrified of talking on the radio.

(I don't think I've ever been so scared of anything else that much!!! )

- You and the patient both cringe when your medic starts an IV.

- Your medic has to spell all those weird medication names whenever you are the scribe.

- It takes three tries before you figure out how to make the gurney lie flat.

- Once you are at the ER you have 90 seconds to pee and 30 seconds to wash your hands and find fresh blankets.

- Your name is "Go grab the ______!!!"

(Yep yep yep!!)

- Everyone else is worn out after a run but you are bouncing off the walls.

(Every....single....TIME!!)

-- You set the backboard down on the icey ground and it takes off downhill like a sled

- Your medic is the one who stops the backboard and carries it back uphill

- You get totally lost in the hospital and the cleaning lady has to show you the way to the ambulance bay

- When you spike an IV bag you manage to soak yourself down

(Yesterday was the first time I didn't )

- You say, "Oh no!" in the back of the ambulance and your patient hears you

- Your lead-medic hears you say "Oh no!" and has to calm the patient down

- You zip your glove into the airway bag

(I've done that to 3 pairs of gloves)

- Your medical jumpsuit jingles and clanks when you walk because you have so much stuff in the pockets "just in case you need it on a scene..."

- The patient stares at you and says, "You must be new..."

- You pull the gurney out of the ambulance and a wheel falls off

- You resemble a scurrying roach when the tones wake you up at night

- You run into a doctor with the gurney

- You shut your partner in the hospital's automatic doors (and live to tell about it)

- You raid the hospital's glove supply because they have those nifty purple gloves!

(We have them in our jump bag too! )

[cynical_as_hell]

Great post. Although I must say, reading some of those brought back some unpleasant memories. You can't help but laugh at it though too!!!

[FireMedic65]

funny stuff

[AnthonyM83]

WOW. Total spazz, huh?

Usually don't like these kinds of "point out the newb" things, but it was pretty good natured, so I approve.

BTW... take a deep breath at each scene and force yourself to slow down. Pretend you're going in slow-mo (to everyone else, you'll probably just look regular speed) and your mistake rate will plummet.

Kinda sucks that more you have fun on the call, the worse you do. The more you control your excitement, the better you do...but it's not AS fun. Gotta find the perfect balance!

[Richard B the EMT]

You walk into the patient's house and trip over their cat.

Not the cat, but the dog.

You hook up the O2 and hand your adult patient a pedi non-rebreather.

Someone stocked the wrong size in the bin, so I've been there.

You turn bright red when you find your patient laying on the floor in their underpants.

Non issue. Try the guy in the string bikini type underwear, and black lace bra that doesn't match his beard and mustache.

The patient stares at you and says, "You must be new..."

Especially the frequent flyers, with a wink to the senior personnel.

Everyone, no matter if they will admit it or not, has, to some degree, "Been There, Done That"!

Edited May 17, 2009 by Richard B the EMT

[tniuqs]

Anna_09

Hilarious ... if you can't laugh at yourself ... all is lost.

Brings back memories, ok so I will fess up too ... I asked a "some guy" in a Stairwell on a Code if he knew CPR ... NO I have never worked for the railroad ... (a rather stunned look on his face)

Well maybe its a just Canadian thing, ie that the Canadian Pacific Railway ....

but My very experienced trainer laughed his ass off.

I will cannot speak of the paralyzed man with a turnip up his rectum .... oh yes it happens !

Richard B the EMT

You turn bright red when you find your patient laying on the floor in their underpants.

Non issue. Try the guy in the string bikini type underwear, and black lace bra that doesn't match his beard and mustache.

That is so a reportable fashion offense!

LMFAO

Edited May 17, 2009 by tniuqs

[fireflymedic]

Oh my does this bring back memories lol. I've done more than a few things on the list (I threatened to run a doc over with the stretcher that wouldn't move not long ago ! ) With time it all becomes good and you learn to laugh, though the you let go of the stretcher your partner was holding and your patient almost rolled away was left off the list. Usually these lists are completely without taste, but this one was funny and we can all relate. good post.

[tskstorm]

Having a rookie partner I can say, he does most of these often if not daily lol ...

Having said that I'm sure I did too :\

[joesph]

Try following the ALS rendezvous to town because you forgot the bag of meds from the patients house. I have to agree with Anthony slow down( but I envy you the first calls there a riot) focus on what you are doing to help your partner or the patient and the jitters fade. Oh yeah call from the hospital "what is p[sdkfjg ?" Learn to spell.