DUMBEST THING EVER HEARD ON THE RADIO/SCANNER

[THE_DITCH_DOCTOR]

Just heard on the radio station here during a football game:

"That big ol' boy is good at finding holes and filling them up quick."

I damn near puked I was laughing so hard.....

[Richard B the EMT]

During an EMS request for PD, commonly called a "10-13" (HEEEEELLLLLP!!!), with dispatch trying to get units and the cops to the requesting unit, some dumb Lieutenant demanded the dispatcher stop everything she was doing, and give him a report as to what a particular ambulance was doing, as it had "blown by him". Dispatch told him, "Stand by, I got a '13' here!" The Lieutenant refused the dispatcher's sensible request, saying, "Negative, I need it now!"

The head of Dispatch, a 2 star Chief, who had come out of his office on hearing the "13", leaned over the dispatcher, keyed up the mike, and said, "Supervisor *****, this is (Chief of Communications On-Air ID), and I am ordering you to stay off radio, except to acknowledge my direct order to you to respond to 'Base 1' (headquarters) IMMEDIATELY!"

The Lieutenant responded, again, "Negative, I need that information NOW!"

A new voice came up on the air. "This is CAR ONE! You've been ordered, by the tour commander to shut up and report to headquarters, and violated that order. I AM NOW ORDERING YOU TO RESPOND TO HEADQUARTERS, AS YOU ARE RELIEVED OF DUTY PENDING INVESTIGATION OF YOUR INSUBORDINATION! Dispatch, what update on the unit calling the '13?'"Thank goodness the crew calling for help was safe.

As for the Lieutenant? They busted him, and then went through a bunch of departmental charges that ended up with his sorry butt being fired, and the State of NY DoH stripped him of his EMT card.

It always seems to not be a good thing, when Car One, the 5 star Chief of Department, takes a personal interest in someone doing something stupid like that!

Ya know, I just remembered, the dispatcher I mentioned in my last posting was the same dispatcher!

[XcaliburGirl]

Just heard this tonight.

Dispatch: Caller says they can't get their 83 yo brother to go to bed, wants police assistance.

Patrolman: 10-4...We'll bring a book of bedtime stories.

[Dustdevil]

The no lights and sirens thing I don't get.

Why did they call 911?

Really no stranger than all those people who call for an emergency and then keep saying, "PLEASE HURRY!!!" Dude, it's an ambulance! You don't have to ask them to hurry!

Funniest three incidents I can recall:

Christmas eve, 1986. Somewhere around midnight, I heard the unit whose territory we were covering check enroute to the hospital, so I flipped over to the med channel to hear their patient report, just out of boredom. It went something like this: "JPS, this is Medic 32, Paramedic Navarro. We are enroute with a 28 year old male victim of an assault. He was doing some last minute Christmas shoplifting when he was caught and beaten by store personnel..."

One night, my partner and I picked up an assaulted street person in a parking lot just a few blocks from the hospital. For some reason, we couldn't reach the hospital directly, so my partner was giving a patient report to a dispatcher to relay for us. Since we were now very close to being at the ER dock, he gave only a short and sweet report. The total report was like, "22 year old male, assaulted with kicks and punches, suffered a seizure and found post ictal with minor head contusions and no other obvious injuries. Vitals stable. ETA 1 minute." Well, the dispatcher was a relatively new medic and was one of those guys with a degree and a lot of book knowledge, but not the least bit of common sense. Real management material. He decided he needed more information, so he tells my partner on the radio, "NO NO NO! WAIT!! First of all, was there any loss of consciousness?" We looked at each other in stunned silence for a moment, then my partner keys the radio and politely replies, "Well, let's see... he had a seizure, so yeah, I'd call that a loss of consiousness!'

And finally, on scene of a motorcycle collison out on a rural highway, I requested a helicopter by telling the sherff's dispatcher to "shoot me the bird!" To which she replied, You got it, buddy! I was told afterwards that every cop, medic and fireman in the county simultaneously shot the finger at the radio when I said that.

[Richard B the EMT]

After they "fingered" you, did they dispatch the helo?

[mediccjh]

During an EMS request for PD, commonly called a "10-13" (HEEEEELLLLLP!!!), with dispatch trying to get units and the cops to the requesting unit, some dumb Lieutenant demanded the dispatcher stop everything she was doing, and give him a report as to what a particular ambulance was doing, as it had "blown by him". Dispatch told him, "Stand by, I got a '13' here!" The Lieutenant refused the dispatcher's sensible request, saying, "Negative, I need it now!"

The head of Dispatch, a 2 star Chief, who had come out of his office on hearing the "13", leaned over the dispatcher, keyed up the mike, and said, "Supervisor *****, this is (Chief of Communications On-Air ID), and I am ordering you to stay off radio, except to acknowledge my direct order to you to respond to 'Base 1' (headquarters) IMMEDIATELY!"

The Lieutenant responded, again, "Negative, I need that information NOW!"

A new voice came up on the air. "This is CAR ONE! You've been ordered, by the tour commander to shut up and report to headquarters, and violated that order. I AM NOW ORDERING YOU TO RESPOND TO HEADQUARTERS, AS YOU ARE RELIEVED OF DUTY PENDING INVESTIGATION OF YOUR INSUBORDINATION! Dispatch, what update on the unit calling the '13?'"Thank goodness the crew calling for help was safe.

As for the Lieutenant? They busted him, and then went through a bunch of departmental charges that ended up with his sorry butt being fired, and the State of NY DoH stripped him of his EMT card.

It always seems to not be a good thing, when Car One, the 5 star Chief of Department, takes a personal interest in someone doing something stupid like that!

Ya know, I just remembered, the dispatcher I mentioned in my last posting was the same dispatcher!

So how long ago was this, and who was Car 1?

You sure they didn't send that LT to Staten Island?

[Dustdevil]

After they "fingered" you, did they dispatch the helo?

They did! The dispatcher was pretty sharp and understood exactly what I was asking for. In fact, it became the standard phrase for that county afterwards.

[Richard B the EMT]

Car One was Chief of EMS Robert M. Becker, and this might have been 1987.

[jwilkins]

Once during a wild goose chase in a VERY rural part of my county, heard the "Deliverance" theme over the fire channel, then heard sheeps "baaing" on the EMS channel. Needless to say, supervisors were very unhappy.

[Skuter]

This one happened this morning.

Dispatch -- "31XX could use please rendevous with 33XX (support unit)"

31XX -- "Roger"

Dispatch -- "31XX apparently he needs to change something on your unit"

31XX -- "Roger.....is he going to kiss me first!!!!"

I nearly drove off the road