DUMBEST THING EVER HEARD ON THE RADIO/SCANNER

[gunabemt]

the dumbest think i have heard on the scanner was a shopping cart vs person.

[ERDoc]

Heard a hospital presentation where the pt was complaining of general malasia. I guess her Cambodia was acting up again.

[webby2525]

We were working a code and the medic called into the hospital to give report and she stated she gave the pt epi and atropine and he was intubated and cpr was in progress. We had an ETA of 5-7 minutes. She asked if there was anything else and the doc came back and said, "What are his vital signs?"

[mpreston]

Years ago I heard a rural amb service giving a report to a local Hosp. when the medic finished the Hosp asked for a "trauma Score" lonnnnng pause...... the medic replied........ "I dont think we carry one of those"

[Kayman]

For an MVC in front of a Burger King

Queen Anne to Burger King Command.

For a person kicked in the head by a horse

Ambulance 201 to Queen Anne, it's probably going to be a refusal.

Same call... while setting up an LZ :roll:

We're going back to the elementary school and that is final!

That was on the county dispatch channel...

[cotjockey]

We were once dispatched to a patient complaining of abdominal pain because of "sclerosis of the river."

[Richard B the EMT]

How many times have we heard the dispatcher putting an alert tone over the air, following it with "Unit ****, you're transmitting a signal", when somebody is accidentally transmitting. If they're transmitting, they can't hear the "stop transmitting" request.

[LasVegasEMTI]

I think one of our better laughs was in a radio "black hole" next to one of the hospitals...

Dispatch: J24, at XYZ hospital....... (static)

J24: Dispatch, you cut out. Didn't hear what floor the patient was coming from. I'll give you a landline.

Dispatch: I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS! GO GET YOUR PATIENT!

So, we went to every unit and asked if they had a patient they wanted to get rid of.

Another funny day was when we were bouncing around doing raisin runs...

LPN @ Nursing Home A: The patient is alert but unresponsive. She does this sometimes.

Me: What were her last vitals?

LPN: Oh I don't know.

Me: (under breath) of course.

walks to patients room...

Me: Hello Mrs. So-and-So, how are you today?

the patient stares at me, no response.

Me to LPN: Did I see that she had a french name?

LPN: Yes.

Me: Bonjour mademoiselle. Comment ca-va? Je m'appelle Ashley. Es-tu bien?

Pt (with big smile on her face): Je suis tres bien!

I guess she just didn't like Americans...

We were at Nursing Home B dropping off a patient. As we were walking out with our empty stretcher, the front desk nurse goes, "Wait! I've got one for you. We weren't sure if we were going to send him, but since you're here it'd probably be a good idea,"

Me: Alright, but you'll have to call our dispatch and request it so they don't line any more up for us.

Nurse: Ok.

Nurse: Alright I called them, they said it's fine.

Me: So what's his issue today?

Nurse: He's unresponsive.

Me: Unresponsive? Is he breathing? Does he have a pulse?

Nurse: Yeah, he's breathing and has a pulse, just can't get any response from him.

Me: Alright, what room?

Nurse: 77A

walks to patients room... finds old man laying in bed.

Me: Good evening Mr. So-and-So, how are you?

Patient: I'm doing great. These women are crazy. Let me guess, you're here to take me to the hospital?

Me: Well, I guess its where they want you to go. You look fine right now but I can't say anything about earlier, I wasn't here. But we'll get you checked out and I'm sure you'll be back here tonight.

wheels patient to ambulance, find Paramedic unit waiting for us.

Me: What are you guys doing here?

Medic: Dispatch sent us. Said you guys had an unresponsive patient.

Me: Oh god. This is Mr. So-and-So, as you can see, he's fine.

Medic: Well, do you want me to join you to the hospital?

Me: You know what? Sure. Why not. If dispatch is going to take the liberty of calling for an ALS unit, I'll take the liberty of taking you out of service till we clear the hospital!

[Guest DELETED]

DELETED

[ncmedic309]

Dispatched to an MVC...

Unit to Dispatch: "Do you have a exact location on this MVC?"

Dispatch: "It should be on top of the exit 2 underpants.....uh...I mean underpass..."