What to do when your partner talks down to you and makes you look bad?

[emtz]

I work for a private company in the NY area. I've been an EMT for a year and worked there for a year. My female partner and I have been working a double shift once a week since I started there, she's my only permanent partner out of the entire work week. She's been doing this for a few years, so she's more experienced than I am. I usually tech and she usually drives (she prefers driving).

We tend to get along very well, laugh, tell jokes, and what not. We tell each other secrets, she is not a 'rat' or a 'boss's pet' in any sense of the word. She gets stressed easily and tends to shout when she's upset about someone or something. So when she's telling me about someone who upset her, it may look (to someone else) like she's shouting at me or upset at me when she's just telling a story. She has a lot going on in her life. So do I, the difference is I don't react the way she does.

The problem is this... sometimes on some calls here and there, she tends to get sarcastic or say something embarrassing if I forgot to do something or didn't notice something. It could be the smallest things too. Like if I ask her something that was already answered for me by someone else but PERHAPS I was focusing on some other important detail and didn't get that one, then she'll say something to the effect of "Um, yeah, that's what she just said... like 3 times, wake up". You know what I mean?

I'll give you a few situations that actually happened:

SCENARIO 1: We had an elderly patient who can walk with no problem. So when we dropped him off at his house after getting out of the hospital, I went to line up the stretcher with his bed. My partner, agitated, said "Why are you going through all that? He can walk, remember?"

Ok, I appreciate the reminder, but was it necessary to say it the way you said it? It makes me, an EMT who's been doing this for a year, look like a fool in front of this man and his wife/family when that's the last thing I want to look like in front of any patient, nurse, doctor, EMT, etc. Why did I do this though? Out of REPETITION, the patients we usually get are bed bound or need some type of assistance getting from one bed to the next, so the "Line up the bed" formula was already engraved in my brain over and over again, that's why I accidentally did that. Sheesh.

SCENARIO 2: Went to pick up this woman who was demented from a hospital to take her home along with her caretaker. Being that I was the tech, I did what I usually did: Went to get the Past Medical History, Medication list, Allergies, DOB, insurance, SSN, find out why she was admitted, and get the PCS signed (aka the reason why the patient needs a stretcher).

So I approached the nurse and she acted like a complete ding dong, "Oh why do you need to know all of that?", I looked at her like she had two heads. Anyway, she gave me the chart, and I asked her to sign the PCS sheet and she's like "Look, I don't know, she was just brought here" or something to that effect.

So my partner, who was all mad and flustered, said to me in front of EVERYBODY "Come on, forget it, let's go, you're getting me aggravated!". After the call, she was like "You should have been known that that nurse was not gonna sign that PCS form", I told her I understood that but I was simply trying to do my job, in my mind I felt it was better to ask her regardless than to leave on a Non-Emergency call without asking her to sign it because those ARE required for non-emergency calls.

I just hate when she does things like this because it makes me look stupid, it de-edifies me, makes me stressed and lose confidence in myself, and it makes me scared of her because now I have to be 1000% aware of what I do and say around her, because God forbid I say or do the wrong thing and then its another reason for me to look bad in front of people. I know she's experienced than me and everything, but Jesus, there's a right way of correcting somebody and then there's a wrong way.

If it was me, I would have just kindly told my partner, "Yo dude, nah man, don't worry about the PCS, it's okay, let's just go". Now THAT is a MUCH better way of putting it as opposed to what she said to me.

SCENARIO 3: We're simply driving down to a Post after hours and one of those cameras on top of street light flashed as we drove past. She was like what do you know, it went off. I was like what was that? Then she got ALL bent out of shape and was like "Oh come on, do you know how many times we drove past that camera/light since we started working together?". I told her Sorry but that's not something I would typically remember "like that". She said "Well, wake up, they've been around for the past 10 years". I just wanted to jump out of the ambulance at that point, dig up my mom's body, and ask her why I was born. To be quite honest, that street light/camera I somewhat remembered but not exactly, it's not something I would put in my long term memory as its not important to me, SHE on the other hand may be more inclined to notice it OFTEN because she's the driver and I'm in the Tech seat. And after a 16 hour double, a camera is the last thing I want to think about.

I really hate it because what she does brings back memories of when I was growing up - I used to be the shy guy whom people would pick on and de-edify or try to make me look stupid or walk all over me. Think what you want, but those memories traumatized me, so with my partner saying similar things to me is not gonna aide my recovery any sooner. Top it all off, the last thing I want is to be de-edified and talked down to after my mother whom I love so much dies, my childhood best friend kills himself, and my father who doesn't care abandons me for some younger woman - ALL within 12 MONTHS. Now ask yourself, after going through all of that, would you want your partner to talk down to you and be mean?

The tricky thing is when all of this is not going on, when there's no patients to deal with, we get along EXTREMELY well, it's unbelievable.

Any advice/insight?

[fiznat]

I remember having partners like that when I was new. In my opinion people do that because they don't know how to make themselves feel good about themselves unless it is at the expense of someone else. I do think that - to a certain degree - the "newbie" needs to take his/her lumps a little bit and just roll with the punches. There is a point where it gets to be too much, though, and I think if you feel you are at that point you should say something to your partner.

I don't think it would ever be unreasonable for you to request that your partner not criticize you in front of patients, staff, or coworkers. Even though you are the "newer" EMT, you are still a PARTNER, and therefore should be granted some degree of mutual respect. Start off by simply conveying to her that you don't appreciate being criticized in front of patients. It looks unprofessional regardless of the reason, and it is destructive to a patient's trust and confidence in you as a healthcare provider. Don't make it about your ego, make it about patient care and professionalism. If you two are going to work together as partners, she needs to recognize that you are working together towards a common goal, and to nitpick and complain in public is running the train off the tracks.

As far as the other times where you feel she is being "mean," I hate to say it but you're just going to have to stand up for yourself.

-If she was so familiar with that street light, maybe she should have done you the favor of warning you before you drove right through it, right? Is she your partner or what?

-Just because a patient is capable of walking doesn't mean that it is WRONG to have him slide over to the other bed. You lined the stretchers up because that is the way you chose to transfer the patient. End of story. If your partner insists on the patient walking despite your choice, apologize to the patient that your partner is feeling especially bossy today, and ask which method it is that THEY prefer.

-You wanted to get the PCS form signed and the medical history because that is your job. You need that information because the patient is in your care and you will be responsible for whatever happens enroute. Don't let anyone tell you that you need to cut corners because that is how they are used to doing it.

A little bit of self confidence goes a long way, and if you establish that you will push back a little bit, your partner will be less likely to agitate you without good cause.

Edited September 13, 2009 by fiznat

[tom5706]

My reply to any of my co-workers is..."Excuse me, do I have stupid tattooed on my forehead?", and I lift the hair off my forehead.

[cosgrojo]

Scenario 1: She was wrong. Every chance you have to be in charge of the patients' movement, you take it. Walking a patient that is elderly, regardless of your confidence in their ambulatory prowess, is taking a risk. There is a reason why many hospitals employ policies that require everyone to be transported in their facilities via wheel chair or stretcher, even if they can walk. You are ensuring the patients' safety, as well as covering yourself liability wise. Her insistence on walking the patient is bred from laziness, not experience. It has been discussed on these forums many times, experienced providers often are the worst to work with because they cut corners and insist on bad habits that haven't "gotten me in trouble yet." That mentality is the epitome of laziness, and is poor patient care.

Scenario 2: You had every right to ask for the medical history and PCS. It is your duty and responsibility to. If for some reason the staff does not want to give you a PCS, you document your efforts and call a company supervisor to alert them to this issue, and hopefully they will address it. Don't ever get into pissing matches with staff over PCS's... but you do not take over patient care and responsibility until you are satisfied that you have enough information to handle the patient in case of crisis. Providers that act with that dramatic sense of superiority are almost always the ones that are weak providers, and they know it. They try and distract you from their lack of ability through bluster and reprimands.

Scenario 3: Who the hell cares enough about a traffic camera to belittle someone over it? That just sounds like she is an extremely self-centered, and unhappy person, trying to take some small observance as a prop to make her feel better than you.

Now, these reactions that I have just posted are based solely on the content of your post, and while I don't doubt that this is how you feel about things... I will caution you that perspective being reality, it is possible that you yourself have over-reacted to her actions causing a heightened sense of de-edification (Odd choice of word... is somehow her actions regressing your want and need for knowledge or spiritual enlightenment? I would suggest using the term "belittle" or "denigrate".) *sorry about that... kind of a vocabulary Nazi*

Whatever the actual reality is, if this is the way you feel, you need to address it. You say that generally you guys get along. If she truly respects you, she will allow you to speak your mind, and not hold it against you. Sometimes the "veteran" just needs to be stood up to. It is possible she is just waiting for you to assert yourself as a person and as a provider.... Also, if they are your calls, and she is just driving... then you are the boss on that call, and she does what you want. If she wants to control everything, make her tech.

Be bold, leave the past in the past, and move forward with confidence.

Just my thoughts.

[spenac]

My reply to any of my co-workers is..."Excuse me, do I have stupid tattooed on my forehead?", and I lift the hair off my forehead.

And if my co-worker asked that I would answer "Yes as a matter of fact you do".

[wrmedic82]

Agrees with Spenac's co-workers j/k

I do repetitive questioning every now and then also when it comes to assessment. Its 50% of I forgot (we are human)and 50% I want to see if the patient gives me a consistent answer. Im not going to type my complete rational for this. But I will ask you how many times does your patient tell you one thing and the hospital staff another?

Although this may not prevent the patient from telling another story at the hospital.(especially is the patient has dementia) It makes me feel better. Dependent on the situation, it could be a good assessment tool. Don't worry so much as far as your partners experience. yes she is a wealth of information, but you have been trained with the same skills(assuming your the lead on the truck or have the same level certification). Perfect those skills and you will be fine. Im not saying to dismiss your partners experience totally though. And how have you tried to resolve this issue with your partner? Have you talked to her about this problem? or does she do this in a sense to try to be funny on scene?

Edited September 13, 2009 by wrmedic82

[tom5706]

NICE SHOT

[crotchitymedic1986]

1. The question would be why are you transporting a patient who can walk, that is insurance fraud. It is stupid to use your back to move an ambulatory patient, or to ask someone that is elderly to slide side to side when they can stand and pivot.

2. You are transporting the patient from the hospital, there is no emergency, you can read the chart on the way to the residence and get all the info you need.

3. You drove through a red-light, and the camera went off ---duuuuhhhhhhhh

Sounds like she is just responding to your incompetence. No one can make you look stupid, only you can do that; dont blame her for noticing.

Edited September 13, 2009 by crotchitymedic1986

[spenac]

1. The question would be why are you transporting a patient who can walk, that is insurance fraud. It is stupid to use your back to move an ambulatory patient, or to ask someone that is elderly to slide side to side when they can stand and pivot.

2. You are transporting the patient from the hospital, there is no emergency, you can read the chart on the way to the residence and get all the info you need.

3. You drove through a red-light, and the camera went off ---duuuuhhhhhhhh

Sounds like she is just responding to your incompetence. No one can make you look stupid, only you can do that; dont blame her for noticing.

We might need to mark this down in our calendars but I think I agree.

[Mateo_1387]

1. The question would be why are you transporting a patient who can walk, that is insurance fraud. It is stupid to use your back to move an ambulatory patient, or to ask someone that is elderly to slide side to side when they can stand and pivot.

That is quite an ignorant statement. Ability to walk versus the risk taken while walking are two different things. The ability to walk is not the only criteria used to necessitate the use of transfer truck.

2. You are transporting the patient from the hospital, there is no emergency, you can read the chart on the way to the residence and get all the info you need.

That is only if the chart goes with you. Sometimes, they have to copy the information directly from the hospital chart, which should not be leaving the hospital.

3. You drove through a red-light, and the camera went off ---duuuuhhhhhhhh

He never said it was a red light, but he did say the camera flashed. I suspect it was a red light, but unless we were there, we will not know. All we can do is rely on his word.

Sounds like she is just responding to your incompetence. No one can make you look stupid, only you can do that; dont blame her for noticing.

That is kind of a low blow bro. This guy comes to our forum and writes a very decent post, and you come back with this shyte. Good job.