What to do when your partner talks down to you and makes you look bad?

[pamedic152029]

I would say " hey how bout you do the call".

[EMT Martin]

I have some insight, but this comes not from the private, paid field...more toward the 911 side.

My department doesn't employ a day crew. There's just a ragtag lot of us who work daytime hours and respond to the calls that come in. With my state's medical system being what it is, our medical director feels that 'if they're sick enough to call 911, they're sick enough to go to the hospital'. We have urge our patients to go, even if it's just a BS call (read- "Obvious priority 3"), like you've hinted you get a lot of. So, yes; we wind up with grandma who's had influenza for the past 150 years and suddenly needs to go to the hospital, like...RIGHT NOW. Ergo, lots of drama over the risk of letting a patient move themself versus bringing the cot/stair chair right up under their ass to move them.

Now, toward your livid partner...

I'm the only young guy on the day crew. With none of my local private transport companies getting back to me, I'm sadly out of work for the time being. Ergo, when I'm not putting in my 1796th application, I'm responding to calls. At only 23, most of the 70+ Day Crew Club think I haven't the slightest idea of what I'm doing. And, being the "veterans" of the field that they are, and all the high-up positions they held in the past, they tend to like to throw around powers they don't have anymore and keep a very short temper with me, personally.

Incidents such as yours have happened to me; the bitter old man decides he would rather deride me in front of a patient than hold his tounge and squibble when we get back in quarters, or the patient's care has been transferred to whatever emergency room nurse has signed off for care.

My suggestion is simple. Bite your tounge in front of the patient, but feel free to address the situation when you're not actively transporting. Yes, this may cause an arguement...but in the long run, I've yet to meet the EMT-B, I, A, P, CRT, et cetera who doesn't appreciate a fellow responder voicing up their concerns. Simply put, take this lady aside and simply state: "Listen...I appreciate you trying to correct my technique, but could you be less invasive about it? Especially in front of patients? And maybe drop the attitude a few notches toward me? I am, afterall, your partner. I go through much of the same BS as you do, and I'd really appreciate it if we could be civil in our arguements." ...or something to that effect.

A little kindness and a little civility toward even the most irrate and irrational EMT can go a long way. Not to mention, it eases your own personal stress levels. You can safely look back and say "hey, at least I wasn't the one acting out irrationally or blowing my top off over nothing."

[2wheelinemt]

newbie or not i just dont see any reason why someone should have to deal with being mad to look bad in front of a pt.

the senior emt is there to teach you and i agree there are many diff ways to teach. but making someone look like they dont know what they are doing in front of a pt isnt it. everyone has started at the same spot, no one was born an medic or emt.

many senior emts need to remember that!

i would talk with your partner and if things dont get better find a different one! good luck!

2wheelie

[Lone Star]

I was married to an evil witch for 3 years who tricked me into marrying her to get her green card cleared now I'm divorced but it messed me up in high school (couple that with my mom in the process of dying of 6 years).

Whoa!

Stop!

Hit the 'rewind button'!

Am I the only one that's having a 'problem' with that line?

Married for 3 years AND divorced while in high school???

How old were you when you got married; 14 or 15?

[P_Instructor]

Sounds like she is just responding to your incompetence. No one can make you look stupid, only you can do that; dont blame her for noticing.

I just don't know.....I've had partners that tried rule the roost thinking that everyone else is incompetent because they were incompetent themselves. I agree with the statement 'No one can make you look stupid, only you can do that', but sometimes you just have to draw the line and if you partner is overboard. Confront them....clear the air and move on.

[fireflymedic]

I work very hard not to discuss aggravation or frustration with my partner in front of my patient, unless they do something blatantly dangerous to patient care (which I have yet to have happen and I hope it never does as I'm typically the one to tech because I choose not to drive). The way I handle it and most likely would have handled it scenario 1 was I would just simply say he's able to walk. I don't think mentioning that is uncalled for as one can save their back and should if the pt is able to walk. Scenario 2 again, if we have the required stuff I think we can get the rest of the info on the way. Scenario 3 - well that speaks for itself, but I wouldn't have said anything in front of the patient. It would have waited until later which is what I do after the call when we are alone in the truck. That is the best way to handle things. If it needs to be said in front of the patient - say as little as neccesary and do so tackfully. The you're aggravating me comment was uncalled for - it's not all about her and she needs to get over it. Yes we sometimes get frustrated, but if you guys have as good of a work relationship as you say I would discuss this with her and the fact that it bothers you. Hopefully she will take some direction from that and may even apologize as she may not realize she is being that way. She may not. But either way, it's worth a try. Good luck to you.

[seeker]

I'm a new guy on this job, and I'm about to start working in a few weeks.

On the topic: I may have not have the experience the veterans do, I'm very willing to learn my job as better as I can(that's what I did in my past jobs so far). I don't mind my partners(past or future) to criticise me what I do wrong, or even yell at me if I did something careless or naive, because one must be a good professional.

I find it very unprofessional for partners to treat each other with disrespect in front of clients or patients(in any job).

On the other hand, one thing I really cannot stand these days(and certainly for not as long as when I was younger) is someone disrespecting my personality and character or behave me as I'm an idiot, on things that have nothing to do with the work. I don't know how that sounds to everyone, but that's me. I'm not anyone's pet, if you get me, whether he's a veteran on the/any job or the Prime Minister himself.

Edited September 28, 2009 by seeker

[Lone Star]

It's no secret (especially among those that I chat with on even a semi-regular basis; I'm going through the EMT program again to get my license back after it expired. (The whole reason it expired is irrelevant).

Ultimately, I had to do clinical runs over again. The crews that I've been working with have been outstanding!

I had one patient that expressed concern over the fact that my 'uniform shirt' had "EMT STUDENT" embroidered on it.

The EMT-I and Medic I worked with did everything in their power to put the patient at ease, and explain that this wasn't my first time attending to patients. (One EMT-I explained that I started in EMS about the time that Moses started wearing dry shoes).

THAT is how it should have been handled! NEVER degrade your partner in front of the patient!

Ultimately, we have to instill at least minimal confidence in our patients that we are going to take care of them. We cannot instil that confidence by downgrading, insulting or bereting our partners in front of the patient.

If I make a mistake (which is enirely possible), then talk to me AFTER we transfer the patient's care to the recieving facility. If it's something that endangers the patient, then by all means step up; but save the 'browbeating' until we're alone!! The 'anxious' patient is harder to treat.

If we have to 'discuss the call' after we're alone, talk to me like an adult; not like I'm some idiot! That's a sure fire way to communication breakdown. Once that happens, all attempts to teach/learn are gone.

On the other hand, if I DO make a mistake that has to be 'discussed later', it's MY responsibility to try to learn from any mistake I may have made. I can't do that if I'm going to immediately get defensive and hostile.

[HERBIE1]

This whole situation is no different than any other workplace dispute. Problem is, bickering over a report deadline doesn't have the same impact or consequences as bickering over how to treat a cardiac patient, WHILE THE PATIENT IS LISTENING.

As with any situation, some people are not good at interpersonal communication, and in our business, that is a real problem. Some people are power hungry and egocentric, while other prefer to be doormats. You need to strike a happy medium and the best partnerships play off the strengths and weaknesses of each other- a complimentary rather than adversarial situation.

I think strong personalities- both good and bad- are attracted to the business because of the autonomy, and this can cause a conflict when those personality types collide. They don't like having someone standing over their shoulder, telling them what to do. You also NEED to have a strong personality to be effective in this profession, but need to channel that in the right direction.

When someone is new to EMS, they have the book knowledge but not the experience. If someone shoots down an idea as a newbie, wait until the preceptor or senior person explains themself, and then you need to do an honest assessment of whether or not you were correct. I was always told when I started to keep my eyes open and my mouth shut. It worked well for me. Did I agree with everything I saw or was told- nope. Far from it, but I managed to express my opinions in a nonthreatening way that made it clear I was there to learn, but not to be treated like dog crap. If it was a trivial issue, I would usually drop it, but make a mental note that once I was in charge, I would NEVER repeat whatever action I disagreed with.

I guess I was lucky, rarely did I ever get questioned or berated in front of a patient, but when it happened, I always said something like- "We will discuss this AFTER the call", and would occupy myself with something to change the subject and end the incident until later. I was fortunate to have some great role models- and still do.

Bottom line- you need to stand up for yourself and your patient when appropriate, but you had damn well better be able to back up what you say or your credibility is gone.

[dystorteddream]

You know, I've grown really tired of this insurance fraud crap. They didn't even teach me about this at my school, I found out once I got in that an ambulance can also be a "Cabulance" in the privates. I really hate that. Greedy companies man, friggin greed.

I agree about your theory on my co-worker. It's a very strange relationship you know, because first shes telling me I'm one of her favorite partners and that she loves working with me. Great. Next min, the stuff I already told u about happens. It makes me wonder how she truly feels about me. As far as deeper issues are concerned, well I have mentioned in my initial post that I've gone through a very rough time over the past few years especially the past 12 months - My best friend killed himself a few months after his mother died, then my mom dies a few months later, then my dad who didnt give a crap was already seeing a younger woman who moved in the old house I grew up in and has taken over everything and even turned my dad against me so now I have no parents basically, I was married to an evil witch for 3 years who tricked me into marrying her to get her green card cleared now I'm divorced but it messed me up in high school (couple that with my mom in the process of dying of 6 years). I've gone through a very bad mental holocaust so-to-speak from the early 2000s up until now and you can't even imagine how hard it has broken my spirit (and yes that includes my self confidence).

Thats why whenever crap like this happens to me at work, I feel like the last person in the world whom anyone wants to mess with and I wanna show that to people so bad because after going through all that I went through, I'm really not in the mood for name calling, belittling, and bulls*** of that nature, but at the same time I don't wanna lose my job by saying the wrong words so that creates a very very gray area that is hard to interpret when it comes down to telling your co-workers off. The recent deaths of my mom and my best friend are always in the back of my mind, whether or not I am directly thinking about them, I feel like I am in hell. Like you said and I said before, I do have deeper issues.

Hey brotha, first of all, I feel for you. And I'd be willing to wager that a great lot of us have been through very similar situations as you have in their professional life, like with your partner, along with your personal life. That being said, extraneous information like that seems to be only for getting attention and pity points to get us to say "screw the b*tch you don't deserve that crap!"

Now first thing's first. Your telling of the way she's acting around patients and other medical professionals is not kosher at all, and I'd recommend having a little discussion about it. Just with what's been said earlier... YOU are the tech. It's YOUR call. It's YOUR patient. And your partner is just that, your partner. They should be there assisting you with anything going on, if you've overlooked something, bring it to your attention in order to give better patient care every time. There is no reason to belittle your partner in front of people, and there is most likely, always a more tactful way to put things. So bring that up to her and hopefully a resolution will come of it. Just remember, a resolution isn't necessarily the ending that you want.

That being said, I think it's time for you to throw on an extra layer of skin. I can completely empathize about the sh*t going on in your personal life. It sounds like you've gone through the ringer and still going through it. But that doesn't make what she's saying/doing personal... and it honestly has nothing to do with it. I'm sure she knows about all the crap going on in your life, if you're as close as you implied. The two scenarios are separate and should be kept that way. Not saying that we don't feel for ya, and want to help you through it, but your situation with your partner has nothing to do with your best friend committing suicide, your mother's passing, your dad being a cradle robber and your ex wife "making" you marry her.

I really hope that you can get a good foothold in yourself and your career in EMS. It's really a fulfilling job if you let it. You will always have sh*t going on in your life, but life is a series of responses and reactions to what goes on around you. You can either become a doormat and feel sorry for yourself, or you can take ownership of your life, and respond accordingly.

Before this turns into a rant, my condolences to you with your loss of friend and mother. I wish you the best of luck with your partner and work.

Be safe brother

D~D