Kicking Yourself About Tough Calls

[2wheelinemt]

hope today finds you better accepting you what you have gone through! time can be a healer because we can see things hopefully for what they really are.

i had a very bad call and had been an emt for over 10yrs. thought i knew what needed to be done etc..

my mom calls and says grandma dont look good can you come? over i get there and can hear her breathing as i step into the house and shes in the bedroom. go in and she is in the tri-pod position,grayish blue and can hardly hold herself up..i call 911 and get angry at the dispatcher for all the questions, i felt they were keeping me from taking care of her..i get back to grandma and she is fading quick..o2 on take vitals..she looses conc 2xs before the ambulance gets there..as we are taking her out of the house she codes..my moms best friend...her life...i am praying please no..not this..oh god please no..

but despite everything i did she died...i felt responsible..i let my mom down and could not live with that!!!i was able to move on some but never let go the fact that i let my mom (my best friend) down..how could i have done something like that..what did i do wrong..i finally after years told my mom how i felt and asked her to forgive me..my grandma died of chf there was nothing i could have done short of god giving me a miracle..but it was her time my mom said. nothing you would have done could have changed that outcome

in my 23yrs as an emt i have taken care of countless pts and we need to understand we are human and with that comes mistakes!

all of us! but learn from them.embrace them and then move on to do your very best vowing to never do that same thing again.

that is all we can do. to me the best emts/paramedics are the ones that still feel..if we are going to accept the saves and good care you need to do the same with the bad ones!

hang in there and keep on trucking!!!

[Kaisu]

it was tough, the smallest bvm out of our broselow went over the entire face (tips?)!

If you didn't have a tube/scope blade small enough, your medic may have tried a needle cric with a 12 or 14 gauge catheter.

It still probably wouldn't have helped, but it would have given you the knowledge that you had in fact addressed the hypoxia.