"Pun"demonium

[joesph]

A man was arrested after running over his neighbors cat. Seems that when he hit the cat it severed the tail. He did his best at reattaching the tail and that's were his trouble started. Unfortunately it's illegal to retail pussy in Montana

[Lone Star]

I saw another of my buddies (got a lot of 'em, ya know) running with an attache briefcase, and attired in a business suit, and asked him where he was going.

"I'm taking my case to court."

I saw him the next day, clothed the same, carrying the attache briefcase in one hand, and a ladder in the other. I asked him where he was going.

"I'm taking my case to a higher court."

The next day, I saw him wearing knockaround clothing, and carrying an empty coat hanger. "What happened to you?"

He answered "I lost my suit."

If you see him tomorrow wearing a suit backwards, you'll know that they filed a 'counter suit'!

Edited February 5, 2010 by Lone Star

[joesph]

Norvegian diet...

Ole was at the doctor's office.

Doc: 'I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds.'

When Ole returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60 lbs!

'Why, that's amazing!' the doctor said, 'Did you follow my instructions?'

Ole nodded..'I'll tell you though, by God, I thought I wuz gonna drop dead on dat 3rd day.'

'From the hunger, you mean?' asked the doctor.

Ole: 'Hell no, it wuz from all dat damn skippin'!

[Richard B the EMT]

If you see him tomorrow wearing a suit backwards, you'll know that they filed a 'counter suit'!

I don't know about that. Wouldn't he be carrying a soda dispenser from the "counter"?

[Lone Star]

I don't know about that. Wouldn't he be carrying a soda dispenser from the "counter"?

I would figure that his suit washed out......but that's just me.

[Richard B the EMT]

Yet another buddy of mine was afraid to walk by the family medicine cabinet. He didn't want to awaken the sleeping pills, or blow up the Nitro pills.

When he got drafted into the Navy, he was told to call the room to "Attention" when an officer walked into the room. An officer walked into the room, and my guy yelled out, "There's one of them officers, everyone!"

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On the Army Live Fire Range:

Training Sargent: "Ready on the left? Ready on the right? OPEN FIRE, fire at will!"

Man: "Hold your fire! Hold your fire!"

Training Sargent: "Why the freak are you countermanding my orders?"

Man: "You're telling everyone to shoot at me. I'm Will!"

Edited February 5, 2010 by Richard B the EMT

[Lone Star]

Kiwimedic admitted in chat the other day that he's giving up trying to make Kool-Aid, because after years and years of practice, he still can't figure out how to fit two quarts of water in that little package.......

[Richard B the EMT]

Kiwimedic admitted in chat the other day ...

(I'd comment further, but at least Lone Star's not directing the "attack" at me this time!)

[Lone Star]

(I'd comment further, but at least Lone Star's not directing the "attack" at me this time!)

I only fire on those that I know can take it in the spirit it was intended.

[joesph]

Skipping school to go bungee jumping will get you suspended

Oh yeah do you know why cannibals don't eat clowns? They taste funny