"Pun"demonium

[Lone Star]

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Tommy asked Jamie what nitrates were. Jamie said "probably cheaper than day rates".

))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

If we breath oxygen by day, do we breath nitrogen at night?

So THIS is how we're playing? OK....

Do you think infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultry?

Is it still considered 'premarital sex' if you don't plan on marrying her?

ô¿ô

[Richard B the EMT]

When someone sneezed, I offered a box of Kleenex, and said, "Tissue?"

She responded, "Tissue? I don't even know you!"

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

A year ago, I was in a Texas bar, when a drunk cowboy pulled his revolver, and shot a dog in the foot.

At the same bar a year later, the door suddenly slammed open, and the same dog limped back into the room. He pulled his own revolver, and spoke to the room in general, "I'm looking for the man that shot my paw!"(Pa)

(Sounds a bit better if read sounding like Clint Eastwood.)

Edited February 1, 2010 by Richard B the EMT

[Lone Star]

Glue technology is improving at a rapid paste!

[joesph]

Get off the stove Momma your to old to ride the range

If you choke a smurf what color does it turn?

If you kiss your honey when your nose is runny you may think its funny but its snot.

[BushyFromOz]

Its a tall order to find a midget on short notice

[Lone Star]

Incense = 'holy smoke'

[joesph]

A hole was found in a nudist colony wall. Police are looking into it.

[Richard B the EMT]

"It was a knife attack", the Police spokesman said, pointedly and sharply.

A friend of mine, not the sharpest knife in the drawer, was having problems with his girlfriend, and went to the doctor for a prescription for "Sex-Lax". The doctor asked him if he meant "Ex-Lax".

"No, I have problems coming, not going", was the response.

A few days later, I saw my friend again. He was wearing a tuxedo, top hat, and a gold sash. I asked him why the outfit.

"I have to dress this way, because of what the doctor told me. He told me I was impotent (important)!"

Get off the stove Momma your to old to ride the range

But is not that what the teakettle whistles when it boils, "Home On The Range"?

Also at the Arkham Asylum for the Criminally insane, the favorite song is "Home on Deranged".

[Lone Star]

Why did Richard B take a ladder to the party?

He'd heard that the drinks were on the house!

[Richard B the EMT]

I saw another of my buddies (got a lot of 'em, ya know) running with an attache briefcase, and attired in a business suit, and asked him where he was going.

"I'm taking my case to court."

I saw him the next day, clothed the same, carrying the attache briefcase in one hand, and a ladder in the other. I asked him where he was going.

"I'm taking my case to a higher court."

The next day, I saw him wearing knockaround clothing, and carrying an empty coat hanger. "What happened to you?"

He answered "I lost my suit."

Yet another buddy of mine claimed he had been arrested in Tijuana, Mexico. Seemed he had made coffee, felt he hadn't cooked it enough, and put it back on the stove. The Policia arrested him for "Double Perking".