How did you handle your first lost?

[Dustdevil]

I got interviewed for a career day video some high school student was making some years back. She asked this question and I made up a total bull$hit story about how I got all reflective and contemplated my career and the meaning of life. Truth is, it was just another run. Left and drove back to the station to watch television and eat lunch. Never gave it a second thought.

I've never given any of them a second thought.

[medik8]

Death sucks.

Truth is....usually it doesn't bother me. As we all know, you get hardened to it. The thing that kills me is kids, or a really anguished spouse. :roll: I deal....sometimes it's harder than others. Sometimes I forget and eat my cereal, go on with my day. Sometimes not. Usually things are fine. Lately, been having a hard time. Can't get a certain someone out of my head, or my dreams....

Like I said....kids are tough.

[scootyboy2]

I Had just gotten my EMT-b about a week b4 i had my first. I was on scene and i knew it was going to be rough. the ladie was yelling at me when i was about to start cpr. i aked her if she had a dnr. she looked at my and said what the hell is a dnr. point is it was rough trying to do my job. after i left the scene that guys face would haunt me for weeks. Finally a nurse friend asked me whats wrong. i told them i had a doa. they said a art you mean. Approching Room Temp. I Have never had a problem since.

[retired_medic61]

I remember my first loss. I was on my second shift as a new EMT. One vehicle rollover with one patient ejected. The patient ejected was a beautiful 8 year old female who looked a lot like my sister at that age. I threw up after the call. It was tough but compelled me to move on. That was in early 1991. I have had several losses since then most I do not remember but there are a few that I do remember that had bothered me. If things never bother you then you are not human.

[SingleLovingLife]

I had my EMTB state license for about a month when I responded to a MVC with our VFD. Four victims in one car - driver DOA; two with agonal respirations and one viable. It was later determined the DOA had run a stop sign. Initially we could only access them through the back window. While they worked to free the viable patient I laid across the trunk of the car holding c-spine on another and doing my best to count respirations on him and the third patient (I had a full view of her face and chest but we couldn't get to her). I watched her die and a few minutes later the one I was holding c-spine on died in my hands during extrication. The hopelessness of the situation did not bother me near as much as watching someone die. Two days later I opened the paper to find out the DOA and my patient were priests at a local church. That kind of grated on my nerves for a few days. I took it to mean that anyone can go at anytime - doesn't matter who you are. A week later I worked my first code - solo for the first several minutes - but he had been down too long. Could have been a disastrous beginning to my career - however, my instructors had thoroughly prepared me for it.

Talking with others helps. I talked with my pastor and that really helped. Also understand that you can't save everyone...for some it's just their time.

[streetsweeper]

I handled my first loss with the pager peeping and dispatch telling me to get my ass in gear there are 10 transfers backed up. Then filling out a call report explaining why we were 40 min on scene. Not to mention the cleanup afterward.

No time for emotions your just a horse. All a horse is good for is pulling a wagon.

[Jeep_911]

....played Mario Party7 and ate junk food til 5 in the morning....

[Jinxie3119]

My first code was a double drowning. She was the same age as I was. 19. We showed up on scene on a busy 4th of July weekend and they had already pulled our patient out of the water and she was in full cardiac arrest. My medic partner intubated and police officer and I had traded compressions and ventilations. We finally got her back on scene and began transportation. We transfered to the hospital and air lifted her to another hospital. It was my first and I was so proud that we got her back that I thought she would make a recovery. One week later I was told that she had died of a lung infection. The other victim that had drowned that day was her husband, he was pronounced on scene. They left behind a one year old daughter. Two weeks later we get dispatched to another drowning. 12 year old was in v-fib, shocked her four times and with the famous "one more round" she came back and by the time we got her from the beach to the ambo she was trying to breathe on her own. One week later she was released from the hospital. I will never forget the first call but it always helps with a save to follow. Unfortunatly I am one for five on codes. SUCKS.

[becksdad]

Yeah, I guess there's some deaths that can be harder than others. But they're a fact, and we will see them on a more or less regular basis.

Had a 3 y.o. boy struck by a pickup truck around midnight on a busy thoroughfare. His diaper literally exploded from the impact. Agonal respirations O/A, trachea severely deviated to right, VERY weak central pulses. Tough tube, but it was done, chest decompressed, double IV's, fluid resuscitation going, packaged, flown to level I trauma center. 23 hours later, he succumbed to his injuries. We as a team did everything right - FD, us, flight medics. Under the circumstances the call went GREAT. Nothing to feel bad about.

The question that actually angered us was "what is a 3 year old doing on his Playschool scooter at midnight on a busy street?". The parents were 3 doors down, drunk, at a backyard party.

A 48 y.o. male has a witnessed cardiac arrest. We're really far away, but dispatched the call anyway (12 minute response time). But a 1st response agency is less than 2 minutes from the scene, and they are dispatched also. When we get there, this poor guy has an ETT in his esophagus, his belly is blown up like a balloon, and he has little, tiny pedi de-fib pads on him. Once all that gets straightened out, and he is getting real ACLS, he is in and out of v-fib & asystole so many times its making us dizzy. Lo and behold, we get a pulse back. An actual real, perfusing pulse. Good, right?. Nah, don't you think after a minimum of 12 minutes apneic his brain cells are about as useful as broccoli? This guy was kept on a vent for a week before his family could let go. Sometimes death isn't the worst option.

The question that actually angered us was "why wasn't this guy a save?". Here was a classic save - witnessed arresst, ALS/ Defibrillation available within 2 minutes, and he was in a shockable rhythm.

So I guess the point I'm trying to make is that you will have patients die. Some you can do something about, some will die regardless of the best care. As long as you are good at what we do, you do not need to feel bad about deaths. We're all gonna go sometime (not to be morbid, but a fact is a fact). Just make sure you are as good as you can be if you are going to be in EMS. This is my personal obsession - I probably make people sick with it. But don't be a decent EMT or Paramedic - be a damn good one! Wherever you are - there's always more to learn, skills can always improve. As long as you KNOW that you have provided excellent care, you don't need to feel bad about any outcome.

And if all else fails, realize that 95% of what we do is not nearly as dramatic as this stuff!

Good Luck....Ed.

[firefighter69]

[/font:ab3e49833d] I currently serve as a junior volunteer firefighter in a small Texas town. I plan on getting my A.A.S. in Paramedics also. I would also like to know how to handle your first lost.