How did you handle your first lost?

[Asysin2leads]

Most codes are really PR work/grief counseling services. You show up, you do a good job, you let the family know everything was done, and by your mere presence you facilitate the healing process. On most non-salvagable codes (which is 99.9999% of them) my priorities become to minimalize the psychological impact on the loved ones, run the code as smoothly and efficiently as possible, and to minimalize financial impact on the family. I've lost track of how many codes I've run, but I do know how many I've worked where when we arrived the patient was still talking to us, though. Now, if you want a real mind bender, that'll do it everytime.

[JimH]

I think the main reason I recall the first one was that it was a pediatric full arrest.

A 2 year old had fallen into the family swimming pool and was found some time later.

The father was a physician and started CPR immediatly, PMs were on scene quickly, but there was nothing anyone could do at that stage.

There are patients you can do something for, and those you can't.

[firescapes]

After 25 yrs on a big city fire dept it is hard to remember that first loss...there were so many burnt,suicides,jumpers,stabbings,shootings,drug overdoses(many)...I always felt for the famiies and loved ones left behind and tried to comfort them in the best possible way. I just wanted to give a litlle bit of advice here....when you have a patient and they are unconscious ,,,vitals almost absent and it looks like they are going to cash in...please !! do not say anything that could adversely affect them...even though they are not conscious...more times than enough ones who have made it back report hearing all the converstions and events taking place around them even though they were in another reality. Yes you have to give your professional report and protocols,, that is expected...but watch out for the things that don't need to be said ...afterall, we are all here to help others..so even in this way we are extending out and helping....I mention this because to often than naught I would hear so many degrading or obscene comments made by first responders which if the patient hears it could very much affect them.I do realize however,alot of times these comments are made in a humoros way as to protect ourselves...but again please always remember what is in the best interest for the patient...thanx!!!

[KSEMT122]

First loss, we all deal with them differently as you maybe can tell by reading all the posts. We do pretty much share one thing in common which is the fact that WE are the grief counselors for these families when deaths do happen. We are there in a supportive role after the last breath is breathed. How you deal with your first loss is up to you. If you've properly prepared yourself throughout your training period and your life, you maybe able to look at it as a simple fact and move on. If you're an emotional person, it might affect you in a bad way. In this job for me, you have to take emotion out of it while the patient is alive. I can't tell you how many times we've have a critical patient and by the time we fly them out of leave them at the hospital I don't even remember half of what was done, you just go into automatic pilot. To answer your question honestly, this is how my first loss affected me, I don't even remember it. I can't tell you who, when, where what anything like that. I can tell you my first loss as a student, a code that was brought into the ER and the family was there while I was doing CPR. It was kinda emotional, but you gotta keep those feelings under tight control until you are away from the scene.

[amraam840]

My first loss wasn't so hard on me. It was a bad circumstance for the pt and a tragic loss to the family, but to keep the stress down in the back of the bus we have to find things to laugh at ya know? Sometimes the tension gets so thick back there that a medic can make a basic fall over withought physical contact. So when we can be serious about our call and still laugh at the fact there is Skippy Chunky Penut Butter ALL OVER the back of the bus, in every corner and across the celing, then it's a good call for a rookie to see that not everyone makes it. I'll never forget the pt staring at me while I bagged. Or one of our fire capt's. buying us all Reeses' Cups ASAP upon arrival at the hosp. I've had a few full codes since then and none made it. Also had a few (back to back at that) that looked rotten, but somehow once we got the vehicle off their face things were looking up for them and they made out fine. Round here we have a way us using twisted humor to offset stress.... well I'd bet you all do.

Burnout's another thing though. I can relate to short-term burnout, but not the kind that leads to complete dissatisfaction of the job. I learned the hard way why I have to sleep and not work 72 hours on 6 hours off by taking a bus through a barrier wall on the freeway, and I've changed a lot since then. The hours I sign up for, the hours I sleep, my diet and fitness reflect the lesson learned with the loss of a good little bus. In case you wondered, our squad is the only thing that made out from my incident harmed, all occupants of the vehicle were belted and came out unscathed. No long-term burnout here though, I'm a lifer.

[EMT_TEXAS]

Hey, new here. My first loss that affected me was pretty recent. Before that one in particular, I just hid behind it, thinking of it as another learning experience. I was on a rotation for school and we responded to a car accident. Family of 3 T-Boned by a drunk driver. Mom and Dad were okay, just some scratches and bruising (very lucky considering the damage to the vehicle). Their 6 y/o daughter was in the back seat. She had extensive head trauma and was gone within 10 mins. of being on the scene. The drunk driver walked away without even so much as a scratch. It totally tore me up that someone like that had to die because some other jerk had too many to drink that night.

Some of the experienced medics I've talked to have said to just put it out of my mind and let it go. I know I shouldn't dwell on it, but I don't want to become that non chalant about another human being dying. For some reason she really got to me. I've seen other people die, but I guess considering the circumstances, it just seemed so unfair.

I've talked to other people since then, and I realized everyone has their own way of dealing with this. Death is a big part of this job, but so much good comes from what we do, I like to think it all has a balance.

[KMAC]

my first loss, we packed up, headed back to the station and i went back to sleep. honestly i didnt effect me in any adverse way. My medics said i worked the code better than alot of vet. emts. who knows. it was her time, i guess. cant argue with that

[Just Plain Ruff]

kmac, great avatar. I like it.

[emtff376]

my first call was a suicide. it was tough. i write in a journal to help with my feelings. hope this helps.

[emtff376]

the call still bothers me. first shift ever as an EMT, first call - suicide. PD had to force the door, guy lying prone, barely breathing, etc. we worked him until the ED. the crew chief wanted me to watch what the ER docs did to him. I also read the note he left. apparently wife left him, kids left for college and he felt he had nothing to live for. He took two bottles of pills and waited to die. Not sure how we got the call (who called 911). he lived. not sure what kind of life he had afterward. that was 12 years ago. i remember it like yesterday.

I write in a journal to try to purge my memories. its like closing the book on a call. i know it doesn't work for everyone and I'm sure some psychologist out there probably thinks I'm nuts for doing it, but its my way to achieve "closure". if i don't write this stuff down, it eats at me, even after CISD and talking to every tom, dick and harry. writing seems to be the only thing that works for me. i'm glad i found it early in my career.

like i said, hope this helps. i'd be happy to pass on any of my entries. they are very detailed.