If Chuck Norris was a Paramedic

[emtannie]

I take no credit for writing this.

I found it at: www.medicmadness.com

If Chuck Norris was a Paramedic

March 20, 2010 Posted by Sean

If you have never heard of Chuck Norris, then you have been living under a rock with no daytime cable. From the “Delta Force” to “Walker Texas Ranger”, he has shown the world that he is one certified badass. Now today we are going to talk about what happens when you take Chuck Norris from the role of kicking ass to saving lives. So now the big question……

What kind of Paramedic would Chuck Norris be?

Shifts

Chuck Norris doesn’t work shifts. He tells people when they are allowed to have emergencies. This is done around his busy schedule. At no time will he be tied down to scheduled hours.

Scene Safety

We all know the “Texas Ranger” doesn’t need to cleared to a scene. As a matter of fact, he prefers to live life on the edge. The more dangerous the scene, the better. My guess is law enforcement wouldn’t be dispatched to any of his calls.

Response

Chuck Norris doesn’t respond to calls. The calls respond to him. When he gives the OK to have an emergency, patients will make their way to his location. He can’t be bothered with driving and trying to find peoples homes.

Vehicle

Chuck Norris doesn’t need a vehicle to respond in, as he doesn’t respond. Patient’s seeking his services must provide their own form of transportation.

Partner

Come on now…..we all know Chuck Norris works alone!

Equipment

Chuck Norris doesn’t need medical gear, tools or medications. Disease processes quiver at the very sight of Chuck Norris and have no choice but to immediately comply to his demands. Patients suffering from trauma usually got their injuries as a result of a Chuck Norris beating. There isn’t much treatment that can be done to improve their condition anyway.

You can’t end a post about Chuck Norris without including some old Chuck Norris facts…..

Here are some health/medical related Chuck Norris facts that I found for your reading pleasure!

The leading causes of death in the United States are

1. Heart disease

2. Chuck Norris

3. Cancer

TNT was originally developed by Chuck Norris to cure indigestion

Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn’t foolish enough to attack him.

Chuck Norris doesn’t get frost bite. Chuck Norris bites frost.

Chuck Norris’ tears can cure cancer. The only problem is, Chuck Norris doesn’t cry.

[Richard B the EMT]

I like Annie, she's silly! (so is the person wrote that about MR NORRIS...SIR!)

[Dustdevil]

LOL! Someone gave Richard a negative!

Dude, seriously... Chuck really should make an EMS movie!

[zzyzx]

"Chuck Norris’ tears can cure cancer. The only problem is, Chuck Norris doesn’t cry."

LMAO

[chaser]

... He tells people when they are allowed to have emergencies...

LMAO Annie!!

Sounds like Dust...or a doc I used to work for- "an emergency on your part does not constitute one on mine"

Edited April 16, 2010 by chaser

[Lone Star]

Wouldn't have to worry about whether or not Chuck Norris could do cardioversions.....asystole is a 'final conversion' to any dysrhythmia!

The only problem with Chuck Norris as an EMT/Paramedic is that 99% of his patients will be presenting with at least sinus tachycardia.....

[Chief1C]

LMAO Annie!!

Sounds like Dust...or a doc I used to work for- "an emergency on your part does not constitute one on mine"

My dentist has a sign with a jingle like that in his office. Only it says, "A lack of planning on your part, does not constitute an emergency on mine".

[Just Plain Ruff]

Seriously, who the hell gave richard a negative for his comment. This negative and positive thing is ridiculous.

[Kiwiology]

Wouldn't have to worry about whether or not Chuck Norris could do cardioversions.....asystole is a 'final conversion' to any dysrhythmia!

The only problem with Chuck Norris as an EMT/Paramedic is that 99% of his patients will be presenting with at least sinus tachycardia.....

Chuck Norris doesn't need atropine, adrenaline, amiodarone or the monitor/defibrillator nor does he require any from of ECG monitoring.

The mere mention of him is enough to convert even the most lethal arrythmia!

[Chief1C]

Seriously, who the hell gave richard a negative for his comment. This negative and positive thing is ridiculous.

Maybe someone that bought one of those horrible exercise videos of his. (I gave him a + btw)