New mommies!

[WinterEMS]

Hello there I am Hannah Gorden, I am 25y, and just had the most cuties twins ever one boy and one girl. If there are any moms out there or dads that can help me with ways to be calmer with loving them and still being able to run a rescue squad right please feel free to say it thanks!!

Good Bye

Hannah

[DwayneEMTP]

You have to decide on your priorities babe...

I don't see any way to do both well.

Which is more important?

Dwayne

[emtannie]

If you are planning on doing it all by yourself, you will not be able to do both well.

You said you have just had twins - newborns are a more than a full time job just in themselves. To run a service on top of that.... think about how much time it takes every day to do the administrative duties and other work that needs to be done. Add that to your workload as a mom. Can you really tell yourself that you can do both to the fullest? If you are, ask yourslef again in 3 or 4 months.

Choose which one is more important to you right now - can you hire a nanny so that you can spend time at work, or do you have a family member who is willing to take care of your children so you can do your job? Can your hire an administrator so that you can spend time at home? Do not expect your staff to pick up any shortfalls without extra benefits (overtime, bonuses) because you are unable to keep up with your workload, and do not expect staff to be ok with you wanting to run home every few hours to check on your babies. If those things were to happen, you would have disgruntled employees on your hands, and your rescue service would deteriorate.

You have a tough decision to make, but in the near future, I don't see a way to have the best of both worlds and do well in both, You will have to choose.

[HERBIE1]

I will take a different tactic here.

First, welcome to the city.

Next, thanks to my platoon schedule, when my kids were little, I was essentially a stay at home dad- my wife worked full time too. It was difficult coming home with no sleep, and having to care for the babies. I was not running a service, but I was still working full time- often picking up OT to cover expenses. Occasionally I would have mom take the kids for a couple hours so I could get some sleep- when I was simply too exhausted. Point is, it CAN be done. Will it be easy? Of course not. There were many days where I was at my wit's end- kids were fussy or sick, acting up, etc, and I thought I was losing my mind.

Based on your post, I sense you are overwhelmed, and if that's the case, something will suffer. I don't know your family situation, how much help you get from dad, friends, family, etc. I will say that your kids need to be the priority, but if it's a matter of money, you will need to figure out what will work for you. Sitters, family, friends, nanny- whatever.

I know a lady who went back to work (she was a FF/medic) 6 weeks after having her kid. Dad was out of the picture by then, so she was on her own. She had a full time sitter, and as such, she barely saw her own child. To me, that is not acceptable- someone else is raising your child, but sometimes we have no choice- circumstances dictate our actions.

You need to decide what you want AND what you are able to tolerate, and hopefully come up with some type of balance.

Good luck.

[Just Plain Ruff]

I'll be blunt, if someone else is raising your child than that to me is unacceptable and can jeopardize the child in the future.

You cannot do it all. You have to have priorities. If you choose to have the child then it's your responsibility to take care of the child and not let another person play mommie.

I have many many friends who were raised either in Daycare or babysitters and they tell me that what they realize now that they missed was not having their mom and dad their to raise them. It leaves a hole in their lives.

Dr. Laura has it partially right (and I don't agree with Dr. Laura about many things) If you are going to have a child then you need to focus on that child or children 100% and not work)

Do not crucify me for agreeing with or bringing dr laura into the discussion.

There is no substitute for a parent's role in a childs first couple of years.

Why can't you hire some additional people to run your service?

Where is your husband, or childs father in all this?

[rat115]

Welcome to the City.

Sounds like you love your kids and your job. Twins are enough to stress anyone. (I've known a few people with twins.) I would start by asking what kind of support system you have? Family, friends, a mom's group? What do you enjoy away from work and without the kids? These are all important because you're going to need to balance things out.

When you say "run a rescue squad", I'm (and most on here) assuming that you mean that you're a director/supervisor for an EMS squad. That takes a lot of time and energy. If you plan on staying where you are, you're going to have to set priorities and probablly delegate work. You will find that you're not able/willing to do as much as you were BC (before children). Kids require a lot of time, energy and love. They get sick, have regular appointments, and need family time. This definately doesn't change as they get older. (My kids are 15, 12 and 11, and I think I run more now than I did when they were younger.)

If running a squad means enough to you, you can do it. It will take time from your kids. There will be times where you feel like you're torn between duty to family and duty to job. You'll probablly have times where you want to sit down and cry. Without a doubt, there will be times where you MUST be there for your kids and work be damned. You can do it but it won't be easy.

If you need someone to talk to, feel free to PM me. (I can also give you the name of a Mom's forum that you might like and get support as a mom if you like.)

Ratty

[HERBIE1]

I'll be blunt, if someone else is raising your child than that to me is unacceptable and can jeopardize the child in the future.

You cannot do it all. You have to have priorities. If you choose to have the child then it's your responsibility to take care of the child and not let another person play mommie.

I have many many friends who were raised either in Daycare or babysitters and they tell me that what they realize now that they missed was not having their mom and dad their to raise them. It leaves a hole in their lives.

Dr. Laura has it partially right (and I don't agree with Dr. Laura about many things) If you are going to have a child then you need to focus on that child or children 100% and not work)

Do not crucify me for agreeing with or bringing dr laura into the discussion.

There is no substitute for a parent's role in a childs first couple of years.

Why can't you hire some additional people to run your service?

Where is your husband, or childs father in all this?

I'm going to disagree with this statement:

If you are going to have a child then you need to focus on that child or children 100% and not work)

If this was 30-40 years ago, I would agree with you. In today's economy, while I have no data at my fingertips, I would say the number of stay at home moms with a single wage earner dad(or vice versa) is a fraction of what it used to be. Depending on where you live, it is almost impossible for most families to survive on one income- the 2nd spouse usually at least works part time.

Is it possible- yes, but the cost of living in your area needs to be low, or the single income is sufficient to allow one person not to work. For new families, just starting out in the workforce(she says she's 25) it would be tough to support a family. Yes, I grew up with a stay at home mom, as did nearly every one of my friends, but that is no longer the case- especially for those in this profession. I got married late- at age 34- and I was making a good buck at the time. My wife worked full time(still does) but thanks to my platoon schedule, with a little help from mom when I was working, I was essentially a stay at home dad. Tough- sure- but I also wouldn't trade it for the world. I got to be involved with my kids, I got to experience many of their "firsts", and even now, I can remain involved in their school and their lives. That is something I never had growing up- my dad left for work at 5AM, came home at 6, ate dinner and fell asleep- 6 days a week. It wasn't wrong, but it was also no different than the majority of the families at that time.

Times are different now.

Again- obviously the best possible scenario is for one parent to be home- at least while the kids are young. All I'm saying is that in today's world, that is a very difficult thing to be able to achieve for most.

[Just Plain Ruff]

Like I said I didn't completely agree with Dr. Laura's statement.

What I was trying to say is that if you have a child or twins that your focus should be on them.

Can you make it work with working and raising them - yes, I see it done every day. Is that the optimum choice or alternative? No I don't believe so.

I have the luxury of allowing my wife to stay at home based on the salary I make. She has been a stay at home mom for over 5 years and she loves it. I feel that my son and daughter are getting the best of both worlds. A stay at home mommy and a dad who is there enough for them at times when it counts.

The mother I believe is the best person to raise the child. What I do not like to see is two parents working and then contracting out the caregiving of the child to either a nanny or a daycare.

Considering how much daycare costs in some parts of the country it is often more financially prudent for the dad to work two jobs and allow the wife to stay home. I saw some figures on that just the other day and if I can find them I will post them.

Do I think that the original poster is a bad parent for working and raising the children NO I don't. I think it can be done but in my opinion the optimum result would be for the mom to stay home and dad to work. Can that be done with everyone nope.

I hope that clarified my thoughts a little more.

[spenac]

I have to laugh and cry at the same time when I hear about parents paying for a baby sitter and all the other expenses that ad up to more than the one makes. To decide if a second income is worth it one must factor in the sitting fee, the additional wear and tear and payment, and insurance etc of a second car. Then the clothes for that job. Then the expenses like education related to that job. The list could go on and on but often when an honest evaluation of the situation many families would be better off financially if the lowest income parent stayed home or strictly only worked when the other parent was home, but that brings up other issues. More importantly being there for quality time during developmental years is priceless.

[Neesie]

My son is 13 now and I was very fortunate that I was able to be a stay at home mom until he started kindergarten. I think I would have done anything possible to make that happen. This of course was my decision and thankfully, financially we were able to make it work. I understand that for some people, that is not an option because of money, etc.

I started EMS when my son was 6ish. I was so greatful to be able to spend the first 5 years at home with him and see all his firsts. I feel though, over the past 7 years, I have missed out on so much. He is not near as exciting as he was when he was learning to walk, talk, get his first tooth, etc, etc, etc but now I am missing out on his hockey games, school dances, and helping him study for exams. My husband missed out on so much when our son was a baby because of work, and now I can understand how he felt. I hate missing anything in his life, but thankfully he is a very understanding and forgiving kid. He is proud of me and what I do, but if he felt I wasn't around enough or if he was suffering because of the hours I work, I would quit my job today if it meant it would make a difference in the outcome of his life.

Being a mother (or father) is the MOST IMPORTANT job you will ever have. Take the time to enjoy your kids while they are young. This is the time that matters most. Work will always be there....your babies wont be!

Neesie