you know you're an emt when...

[emtcutie]

*Your personal jump kit is better equipped than the one in your ambulance.

* You can tell it's a full moon without looking at the calendar.

* You drive past the ER ambulance bay just to see who's busy today.

* You find humor in other people's stupidity.

* Your paycheck depends on the aforementioned stupidity of others.

* You've sworn that you were going to have "DNR" tattooed on your chest.

* You automatically multiply by 3 the answer to the question, "How many drinks did you have tonight?".

* You've ever used an NPA to determine a patient's unresponsiveness.

* You can drink a cup of coffee and go straight to bed.

* You plan your weekends off a year in advance.

* You think caffeine should be available in IV form.

* You've ever held a 14 gauge needle over someone's vein and said, "Now there's gonna be a little poke.".

* Your favorite assessment question is, "What changed after two weeks to make this an emergency at 0300?".

* You believe Murphy and his law can go straight to the seventh circle of hell.

* You've made crude puns and jokes at the most horrific scenes imaginable while others look at you and your crew with shock.

* A relative is in the local ER, and you drive to the hospital, but can't figure out where anyone but the ambulances park.

* You say "en route" over the phone, off duty.

* You can sleep soundly through sirens, screaming, dispatch tones, and other various noises... until you jolt awake because your unit number is called.

* You hear sirens, and you can immediately differentiate between the source of the sirens: EMS, PD, or FD.

* You can't decide on your reaction to getting a call: "Hell yeah" or "damn it".

* You've ever left your ambulance door unlocked at a hospital and come out to some horrible joke having been played on you (someone turning your sirens on, someone using a spine board strap to tie your inside door handles together, etc.).

* You've talked about your crews' dinner plans over a DOA.

* You recognize your frequent flyers not by name, but by address.

* Your family members have to have a fever of 105 or be missing a limb with active bleeding to obtain your sympathy.

* You disbelieve 90% of what you are told and 75% of what you see.

* You realize that the biggest difficulty in your job is that, on a daily basis, you try to reverse the process of natural selection.

* You believe the government should require a permit to reproduce.

* It doesn't matter if you're black or white, as long as you've got good rhythm.

* You know what the world looks like at 3:30 in the morning.

* You drive past a house and say "Oh, that's where we had that __________ call."

* You love critiquing how they do CPR on TV shows.

feel free to add your own

[Richard B the EMT]

*Your personal jump kit is better equipped than the one in your ambulance.

It is.

* You can tell it's a full moon without looking at the calendar.

Activity level, or the area suffering lunar tidal flooding?

* You drive past the ER ambulance bay just to see who's busy today.

I don't just drive by, I bring in a can of coffee to put into the coffee urn for the teams, and visit.

* You find humor in other people's stupidity.

Unfortunately, sometimes also that of the crews, and them in mine.

* Your paycheck depends on the aforementioned stupidity of others.

Sometimes that goes without saying.

* You've sworn that you were going to have "DNR" tattooed on your chest.

That is dependent on which local team is working your home neighborhood.

* You automatically multiply by 3 the answer to the question, "How many drinks did you have tonight?".

Only 3?

* You've ever used an NPA to determine a patient's unresponsiveness.

Careful! Borderline patient abuse.

* You can drink a cup of coffee and go straight to bed.

Flavor preference to my caffeine in a diet Coke, but yes.

* You plan your weekends off a year in advance.

With the scheduling books available, it's actually recommended.

* You think caffeine should be available in IV form.

I've had partners that do.

* You've ever held a 14 gauge needle over someone's vein and said, "Now there's gonna be a little poke.".

(I'll leave that one for the ALS crews)

* Your favorite assessment question is, "What changed after two weeks to make this an emergency at 0300?".

No comment.

* You believe Murphy and his law can go straight to the seventh circle of hell.

If you've been in EMS for as long as some of us have been, we believe Mr. Murphy was an optimist!

* You've made crude puns and jokes at the most horrific scenes imaginable while others look at you and your crew with shock.

And been written up for it after complaints were received by the supervisors. Keep THAT in check, please.

* A relative is in the local ER, and you drive to the hospital, but can't figure out where anyone but the ambulances park.

Some of us have actually been in that situation, self included.

* You say "en route" over the phone, off duty.

Lady J, my girlfriend, plays along, and answers back "Roger, that!"

* You can sleep soundly through sirens, screaming, dispatch tones, and other various noises... until you jolt awake because your unit number is called.

...and you consider this an issue because...?

* You hear sirens, and you can immediately differentiate between the source of the sirens: EMS, PD, or FD.

Amateur! Try individual numbered units by their sirens!

* You can't decide on your reaction to getting a call: "Hell yeah" or "damn it".

Actually, you can, dependent on if it is the beginning of the tour, or the end.

* You've ever left your ambulance door unlocked at a hospital and come out to some horrible joke having been played on you (someone turning your sirens on, someone using a spine board strap to tie your inside door handles together, etc.).

Long board straps to tie the door handles together? Thanks for the idea!

* You've talked about your crews' dinner plans over a DOA.

AFTER making sure that the family and/or bystanders were outside of earshot, to avoid being shot.

* You recognize your frequent flyers not by name, but by address.

That comes with longevity working your district.

* Your family members have to have a fever of 105 or be missing a limb with active bleeding to obtain your sympathy.

Not so! I wait until they have a 102.1 fever.

* You disbelieve 90% of what you are told and 75% of what you see.

Numbers might be a bit low.

* You realize that the biggest difficulty in your job is that, on a daily basis, you try to reverse the process of natural selection.

Better check out the "Darwin Awards" web page, friend!

* You believe the government should require a permit to reproduce.

What? Are you "carding" me, again?

* It doesn't matter if you're black or white, as long as you've got good rhythm.

Right on!

* You know what the world looks like at 3:30 in the morning.

You also know the best vantage points to see a sunrise.

* You drive past a house and say "Oh, that's where we had that __________ call."

Are you doing this on duty with your partner, or off duty with your family on board the POV?

* You love critiquing how they do CPR on TV shows.

You should have heard or read the comments on EMT City, on last year's NBC show, "Trauma".

feel free to add your own

Just did. Anyone else?

[emtcutie]

I red your replies... EPIC... some of these aren't mine it's a collective list from alot of people... such as the using npa's as a loc check lol... def. not mine. And yes i did see truama... it is terrible lol... my friend loves that show and gets very irritated when I try and watch it with him... and note i said try... i can't stand sitting through it for more than a few minutes lol. And as for bringing coffee by thats pretty nice. But for me.. i bring desserts... (mom's a pastery chef ) the guys love it

[CBEMT]

Is this the 5 year old one, or the 10 year old one? They all blend together after awhile.

[fakingpatience]

* You've ever left your ambulance door unlocked at a hospital and come out to some horrible joke having been played on you (someone turning your sirens on, someone using a spine board strap to tie your inside door handles together, etc.).

Someone did that to me last week! I went back to the ambulance exhausted after dropping my pt off at the ER, and turn it on, only to hear the loudest, most annoying siren we have blaring. I almost jumped out of the ambulance...That woke me up for the next 10 mins or so!

[uglyEMT]

* You hear sirens, and you can immediately differentiate between the source of the sirens: EMS, PD, or FD.

Amateur! Try individual numbered units by their sirens!

Go to expert level...

Tell whose driving by their siren pattern

BTW if your ever in rural NJ and hear yelp,wail,wail yelp,phaser,phaser,yelp air horn. Just wave, I'll wave back

I have a few to add. (mostly for vollies but they are still funny)

You park facing out with the wheels turned twords the building.

Your family understands why you eat all courses at once while on a duty night

You can tell the rookies from the veterans by the number of lights on their POV (insert stickers too)

When someone says look at the porcupine, you immediatly look for a cheif's / captn's vehicle

You insert Ten codes into normal conversation

You know all the Ten codes

You annoy your spouse by saying clear right at intersections

I have some more but have to get some work done LOL

[Richard B the EMT]

You park facing out with the wheels turned twords the building.

Or simply grill towards the street

Your family understands why you eat all courses at once while on a duty night

I went a month without sitting with the family at the restaurant.

You can tell the rookies from the veterans by the number of lights on their POV (insert stickers too)

I've kept it in check, but some DO have more lights than the ambulance on their POVs

When someone says look at the porcupine, you immediatly look for a cheif's / captn's vehicle

Or mine. CB, FRS/GMRS, Scanner, Department frequency 2 way...

You insert Ten codes into normal conversation

Sometimes.

You know all the Ten codes

Used to

You annoy your spouse by saying clear right at intersections

She annoys me by NOT!!! Then, she tells me if any car is about to hit us on her side, she'll open the door and let them through to me.

[uglyEMT]

All good points Richard.

I do fall in the porcupine role now that they added my dispatch mobile unit to my car. At least my cb and frms/gmrs antennas are low profile and hide behind my roof rack bars. I dont stand out too much

I never fell into wacker territory either. Just my dash light. I did have to add rear lightbar and tag stick now that i may have to roll to scene directly but that came recently and was not my choice.

You got some good replies Richard. Can always tell a veteran by the replies

[HERBIE1]

Here's a few more:

You are ALWAYS the first one to finish eating- at home, in a restaurant, at a holiday dinner...

You have missed more family events, birthdays, holidays, etc. then you have actually participated in...

You actually have more uniform related items than civilian clothes...

You have caught yourself going through a red light/stop sign in your personal vehicle...

You have reached for the microphone while in your personal vehicle to report a crash, traffic lights out of service, an open fire hydrant, etc...

And for FD members-

You have department T-shirts from all across the country...

[uglyEMT]

Here's a few more:

You are ALWAYS the first one to finish eating- at home, in a restaurant, at a holiday dinner...

YES

You have missed more family events, birthdays, holidays, etc. then you have actually participated in...

YES

You actually have more uniform related items than civilian clothes...

even match right now LOL

You have caught yourself going through a red light/stop sign in your personal vehicle...

NOT EVEN IN THE RIG. I DONT TRUST OTHERS TO STOP

You have reached for the microphone while in your personal vehicle to report a crash, traffic lights out of service, an open fire hydrant, etc...

YES

And for FD members-

You have department T-shirts from all across the country...

LOL these are all great ones. keep em coming

I'll add

You curse at the TV when they show a crash outside your response zone

You have been mad when on vacation you find out your crew had a great call you would have been on

You took your pager with you on vacation without realizing it

You have a wrist watch tan line w/ indent on your arm.

Your daily off duty shoes are just the low cut version of your duty boots

Your biggest pet peeve is TV medical shows

You've been in a Doctors office w/ a family member and look at the charts and actually know what they mean before the nurse does

Your the family doctor consult over the phone w/ a member 2000 miles away

Your spouse knows your tones

Your spouse critiques your radio speak when you get home

Ill leave it at that for now