Why Women Don't Want Men To Write Advice Columns

[Lone Star]

If men wrote advice columns

Q: My husband wants to have a threesome with me and my best friend.

A: Obviously your husband cannot get enough of you! Knowing that there is only one of you he can only settle for the next best thing your best friend. Far from being an issue, this can bring you closer together. Why not get some of your old college roommates involved too? If you are still apprehensive, maybe you should let him be with your friends without you. If you're still not sure then just perform oral sex on him and cook him a nice meal while you think about it.

Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.

A: Do it. Semen can help you lose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day; then cook him a nice meal.

Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.

A: This is perfectly natural behavior and it should be encouraged. The Man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. A night out chasing young single girls is a great stress relief and can foster a more peaceful and relaxing home. Remember, nothing can rekindle your relationship better than the man being away for a day or two (it's a great time to clean the house, too)! Just look at how emotional and happy he is when he returns to his stable home. The best thing to do when he gets home is for you and your best friend to perform oral sex on him. Then cook him a nice meal.

Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.

A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it, do it in your own time or ask your best friend to help. You may wish to videotape yourself while doing this, and present it to your husband as a birthday gift. To ease your selfish guilt, perform oral sex on him and cook him a delicious meal.

Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.

A: You are a bad person for bringing it up and should seek sensitivity training. Foreplay to a man is very stressful and time consuming. Sex should be available to your husband on demand with no pesky requests for foreplay. What this means is that you do not love your man as much as you should; He should never have to work to get you in the mood. Stop being so selfish! Perhaps you can make it up to him by performing oral sex and cooking him a nice meal.

Q: My husband always has an orgasm then rolls over and goes to sleep without giving me one.

A: I'm not sure I understand the problem. Perhaps you've forgotten to cook him a nice meal.

~Author Unknown

[FireMedic65]

also this

[HERBIE1]

I've seen Lone Star's list before, but I LOVE Firemedic's article!

I nearly spit my coffee all over my laptop...

In the interest of fair play, I'm sure the ladies have their own versions...

[FireMedic65]

Surly there are quite a few POV's from the womans prospective and karma will come to bite me in the ass for posting that article.

[Eydawn]

ROFL! That was just funny...

As my husband just said... at least the neighbor's daughter was legal *_*

The gender war thing is just hilarious no matter which way you spin it. Now if only I could get my husband to dance with me... been working on that one for a while!

Wendy

CO EMT-B

[JTpaintball70]

Never seen Lone Stars, but both of them are awesome!

[DwayneEMTP]

...Now if only I could get my husband to dance with me... been working on that one for a while!

Wendy

CO EMT-B

It's simple really, when you slow dance, just face away from him...Most times he won't even care if there's music...

No, no need to thank me, giving life enriching advice is my gift, I ask nothing in return...

Dwayne

[HERBIE1]

ROFL! That was just funny...

As my husband just said... at least the neighbor's daughter was legal *_*

The gender war thing is just hilarious no matter which way you spin it. Now if only I could get my husband to dance with me... been working on that one for a while!

Wendy

CO EMT-B

Well Eyedawn, men do LOVE to dance. Problem is, women keep insisting that it be done vertically instead of horizontally...

[DwayneEMTP]

Well Eyedawn, men do LOVE to dance. Problem is, women keep insisting that it be done vertically instead of horizontally...

See how simple life could be if women would just LISTEN? Sheesh...I mean, how much more simple can it be?

Dwayne

[HERBIE1]

See how simple life could be if women would just LISTEN? Sheesh...I mean, how much more simple can it be?

Dwayne

It's true. Men are very easy to please and not very complicated. Makes you wonder why there is so much conflict between the sexes, doesn't it?