DwayneEMTP Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 ...Now before everyone jumps on me for dating a student... I'm not really sure what you mean here...I thought bagging hot students was the main motivation for teaching the classes? Nurses aren't whores, EMS instructors don't screw their students...you know, this whole EMS thing is beginning to be one huge disappointment.. On the flip side, I just reread this thread top to bottom and it friggin' rocks! Awesome, focused advice from a bunch of smart, kind folks. This is the best of what we do I think. We don't always hit home runs, but when we do it's a really cool thing. Thanks to all for participating. Dwayne 1
HERBIE1 Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Some very good thoughts from the other posters above. Take it from someone who's been married for 36 years,[mostly happily ] and in EMS for 40. this job does bring undo stressors home with you no matter how hard you try to leave them behind. Whats important to your spouse might seen trivial to you after having a great , or really bad day on the job" BUT to them it needs your undivided attention! You mention that you mostly work overnights: Is it the sleeping separation that is triggering it ? Does she want you there at night to be the warmth next to her? Over the years my wife & I have both worked shifts and spent many a night sleeping alone. For some it works , for others not so much. Does she not sleep well when your not there , making her tired and angry about you being away at night? Relationships take lots of nurturing to make them work over the long haul. You and she need to decide what's causing the friction in your relationship and work together to remove some of the issues. My wife currently works second shift as an RN at the local hospital getting home around 1 AM. I try to be awake and able to have a conversation with her , so she can vent and release the stress from her shift even though I need to be up and of of the house at 7 AM. Sure I'll take a little cat nap on the couch while waiting for her to come home , but it makes her happy to be able to unwind with me before going to bed. It's a two way street that needs both of you you make it work. Good luck Kudos for your longevity in the business and the marriage. Both are amazing feats in this day. 40 years in EMS? Wow, and I thought I was an old timer at 30+... LOL I'm not really sure what you mean here...I thought bagging hot students was the main motivation for teaching the classes? Nurses aren't whores, EMS instructors don't screw their students...you know, this whole EMS thing is beginning to be one huge disappointment.. On the flip side, I just reread this thread top to bottom and it friggin' rocks! Awesome, focused advice from a bunch of smart, kind folks. This is the best of what we do I think. We don't always hit home runs, but when we do it's a really cool thing. Thanks to all for participating. Dwayne Well, dating a subordinate(temporary as a student, or as a supervisor) is a slippery slope- logistically, ethically, and morally. I'm sure we all know of horror stories as well as good outcomes there. As a preceptor, of all the students I had, I honestly can say there has only been a couple I was ever even remotely attracted to. Problem is, I was already almost old enough to be their fathers, which would have made me a dirty old man anyway... LOL I also agree about this thread, Dwayne- it's quality, not quantity. You don't necessarily need 10 pages of posts to get some great information and perspectives. I've seen some great advice about a very difficult subject.
Richard B the EMT Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 I've referred to my Lady J a lot on this site. Long story as to our history (will PM to those who ask, only), but we started dating when she was a "paper pusher" and I an EMT/Driver/Dispatcher at a local Volunteer Ambulance Corps, and also working full time at the municipal EMS. Under my influence, she became a "First Responder", decided it wasn't for her (also undergoing personality problems with the "ruling clicque" in charge at the VAC), and left the field, although she goes with me to EMS related meetings and the New York State Volunteer Ambulance and Rescue Association's "Pulse Check" Conventions. We're together from roughly December 1988. FYI, I'm in an EMS capacity for 37 years, and just retired after 25 years in paid municipal EMS employ.
FireMedic65 Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 As with most other professions, there comes a bit of stress. In EMS we are often over worked and have a ton on our mind all the time about patient care. We are treated like shit by patients, fellow employees, bosses, hospital staff, etc etc a lot. This takes a toll on our spirit and personality. I was told a long time ago from a very wise instructor that in EMS no one will ever truly understand what we do unless they try doing it themselves. We get burned out and we often forget that our loved ones love us and we take it out on them. Which, this of course is not fair to them, but it happens. I am sorry to hear things are rough for you and I beg you to do all you can to work things out. Sit down with her and try explaining how you feel. If possible, try cutting back your hours. Can she come visit you at work? I seen this a lot, where a wife/husband would come to the station with lunch to their spouse and they would have lunch/dinner together. Don't let work ruin your relationship. You have to talk about things. Talk about your day and how you feel about it. Try your best to NOT complain about it. Be positive for her. Be strong.
island emt Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Kudos for your longevity in the business and the marriage. Both are amazing feats in this day. 40 years in EMS? Wow, and I thought I was an old timer at 30+... Thanks Herbie. It has been a long and very interesting ride over the years. When I started we were LAA's [licensed ambulance attendants] And the 1967 pontiac coach we used for an ambulance was owned by a family as part of their 5th generation funeral home service. I remember when they went big time and bought 2 way radios for the cars so they could actually dispatch us. Prior to that we would get a call and when we were clear find a pay phone and call in for our next assignment. Ah the good ole days :-} We've come a long way Baby !! As far as the longevity in marriage it's because we remain best friends to this day. It takes the hard work of both parties to make it work.
crotchitymedic1986 Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 2 questions: 1) Do you think the fact that you have been together 7 years, but you cant commit to marriage may be part of the problem. At some point all women get tired of being your live-in sex toy. 2) If you been together for 7 years and for whatever reason she is not worth marrying at this point, why are you still with her ?
Richard B the EMT Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 2 questions: 1) Do you think the fact that you have been together 7 years, but you cant commit to marriage may be part of the problem. At some point all women get tired of being your live-in sex toy. 2) If you been together for 7 years and for whatever reason she is not worth marrying at this point, why are you still with her ? You did note I said I've been with Lady J from 1988, and we're not married, or living together. Before Lady J, I was engaged to Debbie from Teaneck, NJ for 9 years (Platonic relationship). Lady J had been engaged to someone else before we started dating. Lady J and my relationship works for the two of us, but we freely admit it might not be for others.
DwayneEMTP Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 You did note I said I've been with Lady J from 1988, and we're not married, or living together. Before Lady J, I was engaged to Debbie from Teaneck, NJ for 9 years (Platonic relationship). Lady J had been engaged to someone else before we started dating. Lady J and my relationship works for the two of us, but we freely admit it might not be for others. Yeah, but you're a dork...your rules don't apply to normal people. Just sayin'... :-)
akflightmedic Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 You did note I said I've been with Lady J from 1988, and we're not married, or living together. Before Lady J, I was engaged to Debbie from Teaneck, NJ for 9 years (Platonic relationship). Lady J had been engaged to someone else before we started dating. Lady J and my relationship works for the two of us, but we freely admit it might not be for others. Richard, those questions from Crotchity were for the original poster...not you.
crotchitymedic1986 Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 Richard, those questions from Crotchity were for the original poster...not you. Yes my comments were for the original poster. I appreciate the fact that living together forever without marriage works for some couples, but the vast majority of women do not wish to be in that type of relationship. They want their fairy tale marriage day that ends in bitter divorce 2 kids and 7 years later. I imagine your job has little to do with your problems. If you are serious about this relationship, see a counselor.
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