Just some things to ponder

[Happiness]

If

you have sex with a prostitute against her will,

is it considered rape or

shoplifting?

Can

you cry under water?

How

important does a person have to be before they

are considered assassinated instead of just

murdered?

Why

do you have to 'put your two cents in'.. but

it's only a 'penny for your thoughts'?

Where's that extra penny going

to?

Once

you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the

clothes you were buried in for

eternity?

Why

does a round pizza come in a square

box?

What

disease did cured ham actually have?

How

is it that we put man on the moon before we

figured out it would be a good idea to put

wheels on luggage?

Why

is it that people say they 'slept like a baby'

when babies wake up like every two

hours?

If

a deaf person has to go to court, is it still

called a hearing?

Why

are you IN a movie, but you're ON

TV?

Why

do people pay to go up tall buildings and then

put money in binoculars to look at things on the

ground?

Why

do doctors leave the room while you

change?

They're

going to see you naked anyway...

Why

is 'bra' singular and 'panties'

plural?

2 tits......one butt !

Why

do toasters always have a setting that burns the

toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human

being would eat?

If

Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there

a stupid song about him?

If

the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a

radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole

in a boat?

Why

does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on

all fours?

They're

both dogs!

If

Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that

ACME crap, why didn't he just buy

dinner?

If

corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is

made from vegetables, what is baby oil made

from?

If

electricity comes from electrons, does morality

come from morons?

Do

the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little

Star have the same tune?

Why

did you just try singing the two songs

above? (Yes I did this one)

Why

do they call it an asteroid when it's outside

the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when

it's in your butt?

Did

you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's

face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him

for a car ride, he sticks his head out the

window?

Why,

Why, Why

Why

do we press harder on a remote control when we

know the batteries are getting dead?

Why

do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds'

when they know there is not enough

money?

Why

does someone believe

you when you say there are four billion stars,

but check when you say the paint is

wet?

Why

do they use sterilized needles for death by

lethal injection?

Why

doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why

does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but

ducks when you throw a revolver at

him?

Why

do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose

idea was it to put an 'S' in the word

'lisp'?

If

people evolved from apes,

why

are there still apes?

Why

is it that no matter what color bubble bath you

use the bubbles are always

white?

Is

there ever a day that mattresses

are

not on sale?

Why

do people constantly return to the refrigerator

with hopes that something new to eat will have

materialized?

Why

do people keep running over a string a dozen

times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach

down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down

to give the vacuum one more

chance?

Why

is it that no plastic bag will open from the end

on your first try?

How

do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light

fixtures?

When

we are in the supermarket and someone rams our

ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for

doing so, why do we say, 'It's all right?' Well,

it isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'That

really hurt, why don't you watch where you're

going?'

Why

is it that whenever you attempt to catch

something that's falling off the table you

always manage to knock something else over?

In

winter why do we try to keep the house as warm

as it was in summer when we complained about the

heat?

How

come you never hear father-in-law

jokes?

And

my FAVORITE.........

The

statistics on sanity is that one out of every

four persons are suffering from some sort of

mental illness. Think of your three best friends

-- if they're okay, then think about it, it may be you.

Yep they're okay so it must be me

[Aussieaid]

[quote name='Happiness' timestamp='1291934136' post='250426'

Why

do you have to 'put your two cents in'.. but

it's only a 'penny for your thoughts'?

[chbare]

I know this is off topic and so on, but I am not feeling rape and hooker jokes, even in jest.

Take care,

chbare.

[Aussieaid]

I know this is off topic and so on, but I am not feeling rape and hooker jokes, even in jest.

Take care,

chbare.

Actually I have to agree on that one. I did find that one distasteful but was easily distracted by the length of the post!

[Lone Star]

How does an asprin know where to go when you take one? What would happen if a man took 2 midol?

Why?

When you're eating ice cream and you get that 'brain freeze' thing going, do you you eat more ice cream as soon as you get it to stop hurting?

Why?

When you're walking along, minding your own business ...and you trip and stumble; why is it the first thing you do is to look back at what you stumbled over and then look around to see who saw you?

Why?

You look at your watch to see what time it is. You look a second time to make sure. When you are asked what time it is, why do you suddenly look at your watch again?

Why?

When people want to know what time it is, they'll pantomime by pointing at their wrist. Why don't they point at their crotch when asking where the restroom is?

*edited to correct a spelling error*

Edited December 10, 2010 by Lone Star

[Happiness]

Sorry about the beginning I had thought it delete, it was a quick copy paste

[Richard B the EMT]

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

Wyle E doesn't know of the check the Acme Company is holding for him, as he has been hit in the head so many times, he forgot he works for them as a products safety checker.

As for the second item, have you been spying on me again?

[Neup]

Here's a replacement for the rape joke.

If you bet a hooker she can't give you an orgasm, is that gambling or prostitution?