Kenny

[Happiness]

I was thinking of substituting the name Kenny with Dwyane on some of these

> LITTLE KENNY ON MATH (Part 1)

>

> A teacher asks her class, 'If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence, and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?'

> She calls on little Kenny.

> He replies, 'None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot.'

>

> The teacher replies, 'The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.'

>

> Then little Kenny says, 'I have a question for YOU Miss Rogers'.

>

> There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:

> One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.

> The second is gobbling down the top and sucking on the cone.

> The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.

> Which one is married?'

>

> The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, 'Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.'

>

> To which Little Kenny replies, 'The correct answer is 'The one with the wedding-ring on, 'but I like your thinking.'

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> LITTLE KENNY ON MATH (Part 2)

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> Little Kenny returns from school and says he got an 'F' in arithmetic.

>

> 'Why'? asks the father.

>

> 'The teacher asked 'How much is 2 x 3', so I said 6', replies Kenny.

>

> 'But that's right' says his father.

>

> 'Yeah, but then she asked me, 'How much is 3 x 2'

>

> 'What's the fuckin' difference?' asks the father.

>

> 'That's what I said' replied Kenny.

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> LITTLE KENNY ON ENGLISH

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> Little Kenny goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words in our class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?'

>

> Kenny says 'Mas-tur-bate..'

>

> Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, Kenny, that's a real mouthful.'

>

> Little Kenny says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blow-job..'

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> LITTLE KENNY ON GRAMMAR

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> Little Kenny was sitting in the class one day.

> All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom...

> He yelled out, 'Miss Jones, I need to go take a piss!!'

>

> The teacher replied, 'Now Kenny, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to is, 'I need to Urinate'. Please use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go.'

>

> Little Kenny thinks for a bit, and then says, 'YOUR'E AN EIGHT, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be aTEN'

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> LITTLE KENNY ON GRAMMAR (Part 2)

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> One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word 'beautiful' in the same sentence twice.

>

> First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, 'My father bought my mother a beautiful dress, and she looked beautiful in it.'

> 'Very good, Suzie,' replied the teacher..

>

> She then called on little Michael.

> 'My mommy planned a beautiful banquet, and it turned out beautifully.'

>

> She said, 'Excellent, Michael, excellent.'

> Then the teacher reluctantly called on little Kenny.

>

> 'Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just fuckin' beautiful'.

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> LITTLE KENNY ON GETTING OLDER

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> Little Kenny was sitting on a park bench, munching on one candy bar after another.

>

> After the 6th bar, a man on the bench across from him said,

> 'Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat.'

>

> Little Kenny replied, 'My grandfather lived to be 107 years old.'

>

> The man asked, 'Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time'?

>

> Little Kenny answered, 'No, he just minded his own fuckin' business..

[HERBIE1]

Uh oh- Dwayne- you've been called out...

LOL

[Lone Star]

I was thinking of substituting the name Kenny with Dwyane on some of these

As in like 'most of them'?

[DwayneEMTP]

LOL...Those were hilarious! Though in my neck of the woods we call them little Johny jokes...

Not sure what you mean about putting my name though? :-)

Three of my favs...

Little Johnny's mom takes him to Kindergarten, and when dropping him off tells the teacher that it's best if Johnny isn't allowed to talk in class. The teacher doesn't like mom's attitude, as Johnny looks sweet....

As they go through the alphabet in the morning the teacher is asking the kids to name words that begin with a letter. At the letter A little Johnny is the first with his hand in the air so the teacher calls on him. "Asshole!" Johnny yells, causing the teacher to believe that perhaps mom knew what she was talking about!

Letter B Johnny's hand is up, teacher thinks, "Bitch, bastard...." so ignores Johnny, and this continues with each letter until they reach the letter R, and the teacher can't think of any foul language that might go with R?? So she finally calls on Johnny again, "Rat" Johnny says. Glowing the teacher says, "Johnny! That's perfect!" Johny says, while holding his arms far apart, "A big fucking rat with a cock this long!" ....

Little Johnny and little Happiness are playing in the park when Johnny pulls down his shorts, points at his penis and says, "look! I have one of these..." Happiness pulls down her shorts and doesn't have one, and she's heart broken and begins to cry. Johnny, being a sensitive sort then chases Happiness out of the park with his weenie hanging out chanting, "I have one of theee-eese, I have one of thee-eese!"

After running home crying Happiness soon returns to the park, looking very satisfied with herself. Johnny quickly runs up, pulls down his shorts, points at his little penis and yells," I have one of thee-eeeeese!!" Happiness smiles and pulls down her shorts pointing at her vagina and says, "Mom says that that is ok, because as long as I have one of these then I get as many of those as I want...." So there!!

And thus begins the love/hate relationship between men and women.... :-)

Little Dwayne and little sally are playing doctor when finally the clothes come off. Little Sally points to Dwayne's penis and says, "What is that?" Little Dwayne says, "You know, I'm not sure what it's called...I pee out of it, and it acts weird sometimes, but other than that, I'm not really sure. Let me go and ask my dad."

He runs home and catches dad getting out of the shower, points at his penis and asks, "Dad, what is that thing??" Dad says, "Son, this is a penis. In fact, this is a perfect penis!"

Little Dwayne runs back to Sally's house, and very proud of his new knowledge pulls down his shorts and says, "Sally, this is a penis. And if it was 3 inches shorter it would be a perfect penis!"

:-)

[Richard B the EMT]

IMHO, Little Johnny has been around so long, perhaps he is Little Kenny's father?

[Happiness]

Hehehehe Mother is always right

[uglyEMT]

LOL OMG I needed a great laugh.

Yea when I read the OP I could picture Dwaynes name there LOL

These are great, wish I knew some. I only have this one....

Why Italian's Can't Be Medics (BTW I am Italian so no foul)

Sal and Vinny went hunting one day

Suddenly Sal grabs his chest and falls to the ground

Vinny grabs his phone and calls 911

He tells the operator that Sal grabed his chest and inst breathing

The operator asks Vinny to make sure Sal isn't breathing before begining CPR

After a long silence there is a loud bang

Vinny gets back on the phone and asks the operator

"Now What?"

Ok it sucks compared to all yours but its all I got