Saddest moment of your career

[BushyFromOz]

Happiness gave me the idead for this with the "out of the ordinary" thread

Whats the saddest moment of your career? I dont mean blood and guts, dead kids etc (though it may be the case). Do you have a moment where you were emotionally touched by a situation?

a couple of years back, we had a frequent flyer who livedon his own, wife and kids gone, early 70's i think and about the only thing he had left was his independence. Anyway, he would fall over all the time and as he wa spost polio, he couldn't get up off the floor.

Anyway, he slippes off the ede of the bed one night comeing back form the toilet so we head out to pick him up. We stand him up on his feet and he starts crying, talkig about how the "dream is over". Im sort of wondering what he talking about, his dream is to be able to live independently before they "lock him up" in his words.

After talking to him for a bit, he says hed like to get back in bed before we leave, but he wont let us help him. He's trying to sort his bed spread out with his one good arm and every time he straightened one side of the bed up the other would be pulled crooked. He walked around the bed for a good 10 minutes trying to sort it out, and his facial expression was one of absolute sadness. I half expected him to throw his hand up and tell us to take him away. Ill never forget him, watching him struggle with something as simple as a blanket because of his disability even though he was sound of mind just about made me cry.

And one day, we just stopped getting him.

[Happiness]

I have mentioned this call before. My saddest call was a young man who committed suicide. He was 19 and deep into the drugs, got fired from his job and was threatedned with life from dealers. One night he tried to call many people in our community, they didnt answer their phones. He then went to his room and sorted all of his belongings and put peoples names on the piles. After he was done got a rope and hung himself on the back deck. By the time we were called the RCMP had him cut down and were doing their thing. For what ever reason I just broke down and cried (never happened before or since) but I think what it was, was that when I entered the house I heard the mom crying "he called me and I didn't answer".

I have a strong conviction about suicides but he was the one and only exception, and I did go to his funeral. I still have a hard time when I think of him because he was messed up but he was a very polite young man and many people liked him including myself.

[MedicAsh]

The one that kind of hit my partner and I both pretty hard was we were dispatched out for a possible stroke. We got on scene to find the first responder doing CPR. We looked at each other like um...wait what happened?? So he ran outside to get the med bag and I got her hooked up to the monitor. She was in asystole. First responder kept doing CPR and I got the IV going and put a combi tube in her for an airway. My partner went out and was talking to the husband as this was going on. We did our rounds of meds and the husband said that he wanted her just to go. My partner called medical direction and he ok'ed us to call it on scene. After I got everything cleaned up and out to the ambulance I went into the kitchen to help my partner with the husband. He asked if we could call the priest which my partner went and did immediately. So we decided to wait on scene with the husband and the officer until the priest had arrived. As we were waiting we kept offering the husband coffee, water, if he wanted us to call anyone and he declined everything. He was sitting there talking to us and he was just in a state of shock. He kept looking at me saying that they had just watched the news at 10pm and she was fine. She had no complaints of anything. She was her normal self. He was talking about how when she got sick with cancer how he was 100% devoted to her and how he took care of her. You could see that he was a genuine person. He lived for his wife. So the officer on scene and I looked at each other and we could just tell we both wanted to just hug this guy. The priest had arrived and we gave our condolences and left. We had a ways to get back to the hospital so my partner and I were talking about the call and he asked if I had heard what the husband had said. I looked at him and told him no. He looked at me and said, "The husband told me when you were in the room and I had him in the kitchen that he knew his wife had just died in his arms and there wasn't anything that he could do to help her." My heart sank. I honestly don't think I will ever forget this guy and his wife. It goes to show that there is 100% true love out there. He was devoted to her.

[chbare]

When I was told I had sustained a career ending injury...

Take care,

chbare.

[ShockDoctor]

It was about 2 AM and we were dispatched to a possible SCA, the patient was a 91 y/o male.

When we arrived, the patient's wife (a bed ridden woman, 90 years old) was desperately trying to do compressions on the bed in between tears. She was very weak, and so were her compressions, but damn she was trying. I later found out that in her earlier years she had been a nurse, and he had been a physical therapist.

We hooked him up and he was flat lined.

I've never been able to get that image out of my head. A couple who had been together for seven decades, lived through major history, last physical contact with each other... It was very romantic and very sad at the same time.

[Chief1C]

Ruptured L3.

[Eydawn]

When I was told I had sustained a career ending injury...

Take care,

chbare.

Is that why you're an educator now and don't work the streets? What happened? If you don't mind me asking...

Wendy

CO EMT-B

[uglyEMT]

Hey folks. Well its another "feelings" post but have to get it out. I hate holding this stuff in and think maybe it may help others. So here it goes....

Well its my birthday today 11/30 and it has me thinking alot. I had a call the other day that got to me, one of those calls that just turned my insides. 20 yr old male OD Thats not what got me, been on enough of them to be "cold" to it. What got me was why! Here we are breaking a bathroom door down with the parents involved finding an unconcious boy on the floor needle still in his arm. Dad starts crying and Mom is a wreck over it. Clearly they care and are upset over this. We are bagging and getting ready to load and go. Still have a weak pulse so I am hopeful. The second the kid hits the Reeves he wakes up. Gags the OPA out and it feels like a weight lifted off my shoulders.

Now comes the emotional part. Dad starts asking the son why, why, why. Mom can't look at him but is crying in the other room. His response? I can't live with myself any more! WHAT!?! 20 years old and its so bad you try to take your life? Apparently this young man hit a rough patch and doesn't think its worth it anymore.

Dad starts balling hearing this and Mom needs to be consoled by the PD on scene, I was actually getting nervous she might be a patient pretty soon she was so upset. OK I know it doesn't sound like the worst call in the world but it started getting to me.

We have him in the back and ALS is working him up. 12 lead, Narcan, IV, the works. Well this frees me up a little and I start talking with him. Now it gets to me alot. Listening to this kid tell me all his troubles, it gets to me deeply for some reason. His buddy called him a loser the night before. Hes in trouble with the law. He's afraid his parents don't love him anymore because of it. The list went on and on. I know to a 20 year old it must have seemed like the world was against him but I am thinking to myself if thats all you are worried about you have it easy. Then I stop myself.

Wait a minute, to me its trivial, to him its the end of the world. He just tried taking his own life. Then it sets in, looking at his tears stream down his face while talking to me. I am staying strong and being a good listener without showing emotion but inside I want to break down. Here we are day before Thanksgiving and I have a person thinking life sucks bad enough to end it.

I try and tell him its not that bad. What else can I do? I try telling him it will be all right, Mom and Dad still love him, his buddy is a moron, the list went on. But all the time I was tearing up inside realizing that to this boy it was easier to try to take his life then try and fix it. Now I don't know this kids history other then what he told me, he's not a frequent flyer of mine so I don't know if he is a chronic user, all I know is that he's my patient and I "have" to "fix" him. I felt compelled this time, something inside me is screaming out to him. So I lean in and look him in the eyes. I see fear, pain, suffering. I dont see a 20 year old, I see a little boy, I see a child.

I tell him we will get him whatever help he needs. I tell him it will be better this time. I wipe his tears away. The same way a father would a child. I am trying to hold it all back. It is wierd. I dont know why this kid got to me so deeply. I have a million things going through my head, a million emotions. One thing I am glad for is he is alive. Its like an epifany, he IS alive. 15 minutes ago I was working to save this kid's life. I was fighting for his life in front of his parents. I was taking care of someones baby boy. Its the day before Thanksgiving, will it be something to be thankful for or something to be remembered? Now I am talking with him, it IS something to be thankful for.

We get him to the ED and transfer care. I finish the PCR and hand it to the charge nurse. I am told, "Happy Thanksgiving if we dont see you again." My partners ask who is driving. Not me I say.

I get in the back and a tear rolls down my face. I am a wreck, emotionally I am spent. Here was an "average" call, something I have been on before, but its hitting me so deeply. I am trying to figure out why and still I can't. Was it the day? The person? The parents? I don't know but it got to me. We get back to the station and I get to me truck and loose it. Here I am, big, strong EMT man crying like a 2 year old in my driver seat. I can't believe a 20 year old thinks life is so bad he should end it. Here a day before Thanksgiving someone though their life was worthless. Here I am letting him know it isn't worthless, we were there FOR him. I made someones Thanksgiving for them.

Now I am balling even worse. I start thinking of my family, my friends, my life. I start think of Thanksgiving. Not the commercial holiday it has become, not the turkey or stuffing, not the crandberry sauce. I start thinking of what I have to be thankful for. The real Thanksgiving, the reasons I have to give thanks for. I sit there and just let it all out.

I get home and kiss my wife and tell her I love her, my eyes are dry, I don't show what I had gone through. I stay strong in front of her, I don't like bringing it home with me. Unfortunatly it wont be long before I am needed again, another 20 something that I have to help

Thanks for letting me get it out folks, took me a while to just type it. Not knowing if I should or shouldn't but I did. I hope it helps someone else. Let it out, you can be emotional after the call. We are human, sometimes it just gets to us for some reason. I know throughout the call we are the ones folks turn too, the strong ones, the ones that "fix" things. Its after the call most don't see, the stuff some of us don't like talking about. Well I did, hehehee, guess I am just a big softy inside. No thats not it, it was just something that got to me that I needed to get out. To share this with you folks, to show we are human, to show emotions are fine and sometimes we have to let them out.

I don't know if this made any sense to anyone but I had to. Sorry if it was a waste of time but if it helped anyone your welcome in advance.

Back to your regularly scheduled program.....

Had to find one of my old threads. Besides this 9/11 would be the other.

Edited July 29, 2011 by UGLyEMT

[HERBIE1]

No question. By far the worst call I have ever had-

Responded to a long time friend and coworkers home. Last call of a long 24 hour shift- did not realize this was their apartment. Supposedly a sick person- very sketchy- no other information. Walked in and found mom sitting on the couch in a darkened room, with her back to us, holding her 4 month old unresponsive daughter. I grabbed the baby and ran to the rig and told mom to follow-we did not have our Peds bag since we were told our PT was an adult. Gave a couple breaths and started compressions when I realized the baby was cold and in the light, I see the baby is mottled and long gone. This was a SIDS. As we were confirming asytole on the monitor, mom was trying to get in the back of the rig and I said "Hang on for a second, mom". I look up and noticed this was someone who was my friend, a mentor and my preceptor 20 years earlier. I was speechless.

Mom knew what was going on, but we explained it anyway. We transported to the hospital, and brought in the baby. I had radioed in the details and said we would be transporting as a courtesy- no further TX. As we arrived at the ER, calmly walking in with the baby and mom, one of the doctors approached me, looked at the baby, and said quite loudly in an obnoxious tone- "This baby is dead! Why are you bringing it here!??" It took every ounce of self control I had to not punch this doctor's lights out. (I'm still getting furious all over again as I am typing this, 20 years after the fact) I managed to grab the doctors arm, and dragged him into an exam room where I explained the situation. He was still being an ignorant a'hole and I had to walk away. A nurse stepped between us and pulled the doctor out of the room because she honestly thought I was going to kill this guy. The rest of the day was a blur. I helped make notifications- the father, the chaplain, friends, family, etc and I finally went home around noon, physically and emotionally drained.

Even worse - the church service for her, seeing this tiny little casket in a big church, and at the end of the service, dad picking the coffin up and carrying his daughter down the aisle and out of the church. Getting chills just thinking about it now. I was depressed for weeks afterwards.

[Bernhard]

I get home and kiss my wife and tell her I love her, my eyes are dry, I don't show what I had gone through. I stay strong in front of her, I don't like bringing it home with me.

Regarding this, see this cartoon on page 97 (page 2 on the PDF). That's how I feel often...

(The cartoon on the last page is brilliant, too...)