Dealing With Death Suddenly and After the Fact

[DwayneEMTP]

It's all about coping brother, and you CAN cope, if that is your fundamental worry.

You mention it being difficult to dehumanize people. I can't speak for the others here, but on really shitty calls I have no issue with it at all. As I went further in medicine and got a little bit smarter, and slightly more sophisticated in my thinking I found that on really bad calls I often don't see people at all..At first, I just see a broken machine.

I need X information to see what's going on, based on that information I believe that X, Y and Z systems are involved in whatever it is that is trying to steal my patients life, and my victory, from me. My little pea brain kinds of builds a picture of the systems and how they work together...a lot, and as was said by ENEMTP above you may not be able to get this now, like a video game. Very little if any emotion, no fear, only priorities so that I get to win.

I guess that's how my brain copes, others likely do it differently. One of the best nurses I knew at the last place I worked would find a little cubby hole and cry for 10 minutes or so after every patient that died. She was rock solid when there was work to be done, but then she would take this little bit of time and deal with things the way she dealt with them. For all outward appearances she was mentally sound and appeared very well adjusted.

Bottom line? You CAN do it. Will it be easy? Probably, yeah. If it's not? It's because you don't know what to do with it because your brain doesn't have those experiences to draw from. But after just a few calls it will..and you will do fine. You'll see.

Dwayne

[Kschuppan]

Thank you guys,

All this talk has really opened my eyes and I really had no clue where to turn with these questions. its so awesome how this website can help answer questions and be a haven for people like me all the way to veterans in the field. I guess i assumed also that i would be dealing with death every shift every hour, but after "OZ" 's response it really puts the job into a new light. It still really sounds like i want to do it, and i do believe after a few calls i will be able to adjust to it more, like Dwayne said.

Again thank you guys, it really helped

Kyle

[FireMedicChick164]

People die. If you want to be in EMS and really make money.. Join a profession that is a complete conflict of interest. Become a funeral director. Cash in on the inevitable....

I have a medic friend of mine who owns a funeral home.....

The way I see it and the way I have always explained it to people is that I feel that my brain is compartmentalized. There is a little section of my brain where I store all of the difficult stuff during a call so I can still do my job effectively and then deal with it later. Seems to be the way that my brain just set itself up 12 years ago....and it works ok....as long as I deal with the stuff afterward and don't keep it buried. Had a problem only once...after a friend's suicide.

You won't truly know how you are going to react until it happens. Just remember to be respectful to the deceased and the family. That's all.

[Happiness]

They all have great advise for you. To be honest I dont remember my first death, but I do remember looking at this person as if they were like some store dress dummy. Ya until I had to move them (dead people stink). I now have vicks in the car (there is contriversy on that). I had my worst death and level 10/10 of grossness in Jan. I had a few days of not eating, a few days of eating salad only, added in a bit of fish. It took me about 3 months before I could stomach red meat. I thought I was over it but one nite (my husband thought he was been nice) decided to watch a show on faces being removed and reattached. I had to leave the room. He only put it on because I normally like that stuff and I can watch them now.

If you have never seen a dead body go and ask someone at a funeral parlor to see if you can see some of the bodies, Im sure they would have to get family permission but it could be worth a try.

It is tough thing to get over your first couple but you will and then its easy, but you will still get the ones that get you.

hope this helps a bit

happy

[Bernhard]

EMT class at the local community college. My overall goal is to get into the fire department as a fire fighter. This has been a dream of my because i enjoy helping people and making people smile, i like the hours it offers, and i like the physical, not sitting behind a desk, side of it.

As others have said, there is a whole of idealistic assumptions in this sentence. Try not to learn it the hard way. Neither EMS nor firefighting is like that, what is seen on TV or in movies.

You asked personally, so you get my opinion on the following questions. Others may vary.

1.) How have you reacted to seeing a dead body, and working on someone then having them die in your hands?

Act respectfully, comfort the relatives, organize something (left kids?!?!), then clean up our own stuff.

Death is part of life, we're not there to change fate or save lifes, just to assist a human beeing to have a chance to recover enough to make it to a hopefully better level of care (AKA hospital). If he/she doesn't take this chance or is not able to, it's not my fault. It helps, if you're pretty sure, that's not your fault - try to get top education and experience (this never stops - and there is a real conflict in the mix of professions such as EMS and firefighting).

2.) Have you ever been "haunted" or bothered after a shift while your at home, after dealing with a dead person?

Never. Thought of some of them later on, yes. Especially if there was some lesson to be learnt. "Haunted"? No. That drama I leave to TV and movies.

3.) Have you ever second guessed or not wanted to go to work because of all the death you've seen and you don't want to see anymore?

Not because of the death. More because of the living (and that mostly doesn't involve customers/patients).

For all i know i may love being an EMT and stick with it. I just worry about how ill react when faced with death. Also coming from a religious background and education i assume it can be hard to "de-humanize" or separate the patient with someone you know.

Religion may help. At least it gives you rituals. A silent prayer, the ability to comfort people (be neutral!), beeing confidential in some greater plan - sure helps yourself to cope even with really sad calls. They exist, yes.

What i assume tho with this job the pros, i.e. saving someones life, can counteract seeing someone slip away or not being able to help a person.

Don't assume to constantly saving or loosing lives. That's not the thing with EMS (and it's not the thing with firefighting). In EMS you have a very close relationship for a short time to someone in need and may be the one who can help a little bit to ease a pain or simply be there. Sometimes the patients or the scenarios are disturbing, for some reason (not all people are seeing the world with normal eyes/brains, leaving alone what's defined as "normal"). Sometimes you get a smile as a reward or a "thank you" or the feeling, that you made a difference. Mostly it's "just a job". It is the same in every other job - there are good moments, there are bad. It helps to see it as an opportunity to make a change to the better for someone, even if this won't be so every time.

Good luck for your classes. Try to get street experience as much as you can, preferable with a good mentor!

[PCP]

Being a Paramedic is more than just dealing with death on every shift. Yes there are times you are going to have someone die in your care. You learn to deal with it as many have said. People die and you have to be confident that you did everything that you could with your training to save this person and sometimes its not enough! Most will agree when I say " Being a Paramedic is a GREAT job with lots of ups and downs."

I am fairly new to EMS and have had a few bad calls but I have never not wanted to go back to work as I love my job and I know not everybody is going survive. You learn from each call you do and how to cope with each bad call that you do. For me just talking about it helps.

The best feeling is when your patient looks at you and says " Thank you " with a smile on their face. I don't need someone telling me how great of a job I did or a medal. If in a 13 hour shift if I get 1 smile and a thank you from a patient I am happy and I know I have done my job well. As Paramedics and most will agree with me when I say " We take pride in what we do and when someone says that they want to go to medic school so that they can become a firefighter we take it personal as it is like they are saying being a Paramedic is not good enough!. " I am not saying that is what you you where saying by your original post but that is how I feel when I hear comments like that.

The only way you are going to know if you handle seeing a dead body is when you see one!

I hope you enjoy your EMT-B calss and that you fall in love with being a medic and you stick with it. You can do what ever you want and I am sure you will do well at being a medic or firefighter.

All the best to you and please keep posting and asking questions. There are lots of GREAT medics on this site who will give you a straight answer to your questions.

Brian

[Kschuppan]

Again thanks to all that have posted on here. It really does help.

Another question would be in any of the EMT-B classes you guys have had do they go over talking about coping with death and/or gruesome scenes? Just curious.

And i have seen dead bodies before, i've seen relatives in hospital beds pass away and at their funerals, they made me feel a little uneasy but for the most part it didn't bother me to much. But then again i wasn't interacting with them a whole lot either.

Thanks again

Kyle

[JakeEMTP]

Again thanks to all that have posted on here. It really does help.

Another question would be in any of the EMT-B classes you guys have had do they go over talking about coping with death and/or gruesome scenes? Just curious.

And i have seen dead bodies before, i've seen relatives in hospital beds pass away and at their funerals, they made me feel a little uneasy but for the most part it didn't bother me to much. But then again i wasn't interacting with them a whole lot either.

Thanks again

Kyle

To answer your question, I would have to say no, they don't. If they do it is a very short part of the class, but I don't remember anything of that sort. A semester of Psychology would be better to help you prepare and understand. If you do all you can to the best of abilities, you should be able to sleep at night w/o worrying. Like all my esteemed colleaques have said, sometimes people die despite your best efforts.

Having a patient under your care and dying is different than watching someone pass away in their sleep. A month or so ago, I had a pt. have a AAA in the back of the ambulance and die immediately. No real warning, just die. I was talking to the pt. minutes before and had just taken a set of V/S which were extremely vanilla. I just did what I had been educated to do and rode into the ED. At the time we didn't know it was a AAA, only that the pt. coded. I didn't fret about it, the outcome was not of my making and every possible intervention taken in the short time we were working the cardiac arrest (or so we thought) would've benefited the pt. had they responded.

Do not worry about working with deathly ill pt.'s. Sometimes the outcome is not ours to decide. I'm not religious, but sometimes I think someone else is making these decisions. With time in the field, you will become more comfortable.

[uglyEMT]

All real good responses. Take them to heart and remember them.

You asked if coming from a "religous" background made it any different.... I grew up in a strict Catholic household, went to Catholic school from preschool until I graduated High School, became an EMT and realized I can look at someone in the field and not see them as human but rather a doll or a training aid. Its was awkward at first thinking along those lines but eventually you realize that is what needs to be done. Also depending on your faith it may actually help to be religous because you can come to terms with the death on a spiritual level as well. God takes everyone so if you start from there it will make it easier. Also being you are just starting out in the education here is a great tip to remember that i haven't seen anyone say yet.

YOU CANT HURT DEAD! What this means is that during CPR or other interventions you will not be hurting the person so do what you have to do. I would rather have a CPR patient come back and sue me for breaking a few ribs then not. At least if he made it long enough to sue me that means he is alive and made a recovery.

What is it like to have someone die in your arms or in the back of your rig? It sucks! When you are busting your butt to save this person from whatever befell them and it was just not enough (for me anyways) fell like crap. You second guess yourself, what you did, what you didn't do, ect. But you know what happens? In the end you come to realize that if you did everything you thought was right and still lost the patient then it wasn't your patient to begin with, it was already out of your hands you were just delaying the inevitable.

One thing I have found harder to deal with then the dead body is the body's loved ones. Sometimes you will be on a call where there was nothing you could do and the family memebers start getting emotional and asking question and such. Sometimes THAT will get you more then the body.

How to cope. Here is some really good advice I am about to give you...

FIND SOMETHING AWAY FROM EMS!!

Find hobbies or places to go or things to do that have nothing to do with EMS or with your EMS buddies. Yup thats right even your buddies on the job, get away from them too. If you surround yourself 24/7/365 with EMS you will burn out faster then a B.L.E.V.E. Me, I go out on my boat fishing or take my wife out on the lakes for some alone time. If you feel like it is all coming in on you and you need to cry, do it, we are human in the end and not machines. Take a look at some of my stories I put up on here in the personal section. Big bad me has broken down on more then a few occasions and I haven't been afraid to tell these guys and gals here about it. It happens to us all. And if after all that it seems like nothing helps... go seek professional help!! Don't be afraid to admit you need help.

As far as learning how to cope, nope not taught in the class I was in.

How to see if you can deal with a body in different states of decomp or injuries is ask to do a clinical rotation in the morgue. I did and it really helped me. Wait till you are actually in class though, usually you need an official document to be able to go.

Hope anything I said helps you in your endevors as either a Basic, A Medic (hopefully), or a hosemonkey.

[Kschuppan]

thanks pcp, jake, and ugly emt

That helps alot. its crazy but just posting stuff on here and talking with people in the field who have had similar experiences helps a lot. I worried thinking i was not suited for the job by having emotions about this stuff. But like stated we are all human and its going to happen, emotions are in everyone.

Yeah im just gonna take it one step at a time and learn from everything, good bad or indifferent. And in the end just know that you are there to help people.

Again thanks, this site is unbelievably helpful.