Do not tempt the Lord, Thy God!

[BlueSkies]

I know there are some of you here who beleive in different things and I respect that. This isn't meant to start a religious backlash it is simply a joke so have a coke and a smile!!!

There was a great flood coming in the mountains. The snow was heavy during the winter and when the spring showers came the flood was on so to speak. It was broadcast all over the radio and TV for residents of a small community near the swollen river to evacuate now!

There was one little stubborn lady who insisted that her Lord would save her however.

The first day as the streets were begining to flood a rescue truck was dispatched to her house. When the crew arrived at her front door they announced, "Ma'am, we are here to get you out!" To this she replied, "Do not worry about me, my Lord will protect me!" So the rescue crew left.

The second day the streets were flooded and the water had begun to rise inside her house so she retreated to the second floor. Soon after a rescue boat noticed her in the window and yelled to her, "Ma'am, we are here to get you out!" To this she replied, "Do not worry about me, my Lord will protect me!" So the rescue crew left.

On the third day the waters had rose so high that she had been forced to retreat to her roof. A passing rescue helicopter noticed her and lowered a rescuer and a basket down to her roof. The rescuer shouted, "Ma'am, we are here to get you out!" To this she replied, "Do not worry about me, my Lord will protect me!" So the helicopter left.

Soon after the aircraft departed the flood waters completely over took the house and the little old lady was swept away and quickly drowned.

The next thing she realized was she was able to open her eyes and standing before her was the Lord. She promptly asked him, " Lord, I have always read that you will protect me from harm, why have you forsaken me by allowing me to die?" To this the Lord replied, "I sent you a rescue truck, a boat and a helicopter! What more do you want?"

[DFIB]

That is why I got my CHL. Always thought I would feel dumb to reach the pearly gates having been murdered only for God to say "I made it legal for you to carry and you refused".

[Richard B the EMT]

Every day, the man prayed to have a winning lottery ticket. Then, one day, the sky darkened, lightning bolts started landing around the man, and a heavenly voice said to him, "I will give you what you ask for, but first, you must do something for me!"

"What...What is it?" the man finally stammered.

"You must buy a ticket!"

[flamingemt2011]

New monk reports to monestary , he is allowed to speak 2 words every year on anniversary date. First year he says "bed hard ", next year he says "food bad " 3rd year he says "I quit", head monk says I am not surprised you have done nothing but bitch since u got here