Little Johnny

[Happiness]

MY DADDY SLEEPS NAKED

"Late again!" the third-grade teacher sternly said to little Johnny.

"It ain't my fault this time, Miss Russell. You can blame this 'un on my Daddy. The reason I'm three hours late is my Daddy sleeps naked!"

Now, Miss Russell had taught grammar school for thirty-some-odd years. Despite her mounting fears, she asked little Johnny what he meant by that. Full of grins and mischief, and in the flower of his youth, little Johnny and trouble were old friends, but he always told her the truth.

"You see, Miss Russell, out at the farm we got this here low down fox. The last few nights, he done ate six hens. Last night, when Daddy heard a noise out in the chicken pen, he grabbed his double barreledshot gun and said to my Ma, "That fox is back again... I'm a gonna git him!'' "Stay back," Daddy whispered to all us kids!

"My Daddy was naked as a jaybird -- no boots, no pants, no shirt! To the hen house he crawled, just like an Injun on the snoop. Then, he stuck that double-barreled 12-gauge shot gun through the window of the coop. As he stared into the darkness, with a fox on his mind, our old hound dog, Rip, had done gone and woke up and comes sneaking up behind Daddy. Then, as we all looked on, plumb helpless, old Rip done went and stuck his cold nose in my Daddy's crack!"

"Miss Russell, we all been cleanin' chickens since three o'clock this mornin!"

[DFIB]

Ah yes! The cold nose, not a confidence builder. Works better than a cold shower.

[Richard B the EMT]

Then, there is the story of the man transported to the trauma center due to the following:

Early in the morning, Mr. Jones was awakened by his wife, and requested to fix a leaky pipe in the kitchen sink. Mr. Jones, who sleeps in the nude, decided to oblige, and just grabbed his tool kit, and started working on the pipe.

Enter the family cat. She saw his scrotum swinging around as Mr. Jones worked, and decided to swat it! In doing so, it startled Mr. Jones that he lunged upwards, striking his head on the underside of the sink, knocking himself unconcious.

But how did this cause Mr. Jones to have a broken femur? While carrying Mr. Jones downstairs, Mrs. Jones told the EMTs what had transpired, and they laughed so hard, they lost their grip on the Long backboard they had secured Mr. Jones to, and dropped him down the stairs!

[Arctickat]

The teacher was asking her students

what they wanted to be when they

grow up. It was Johnny's turn.

Johnny: I wanna be a billionaire and

go to expensive clubs. Find a bitch

there, buy her a million dollar apartment in Vegas. Get her a

Ferrari. Buy her a beach house in

Miami, a jet to fly with, get her

expensive jewellery and have sex

with her 3 times a day.

The teacher

was lost of words and didn't know what to do. She just proceeded along

and asked Marie what she wanted to be.

Marie replied: "Without a doubt

ma'am, Id like to be Johnny's bitch !!"

[DwayneEMTP]

Little Johny was sitting at a bus stop. Next to him he had a stack of candy bars which he was unwrapping and eating one after the other. And elderly gentleman sat down next to him and said, "Son, you know it's not healthy to eat so much candy all at once.."

Johny said, "My grandfather lived to be 94 years old."

Old man, "Did he eat as much candy as you?"

Little Johny, "No, but he minded his own fucking business..."

[Lone Star]

Little Johnny and Suzie were always in competition to see who had the best toys. They would meet on the street corner and compare.

Johnny came out with a new Louisville Slugger baseball bat, and Suzie brought out a brand new Easton aluminum bat.

Suzie came out with a 10 speed bicycle and Johnny had an 18 speed mountain bike.

Johnny came out the next morning with a Red Rider wagon, but Suzie had one that practically pushed itself.....you get the idea here.

One day, Johnny is standing on the corner with nothing that Suzie could see. He looked at Suzie and said "I've got something you'll NEVER have!" When Suzie asked what that might be, Johnnie dropped his britches, pointed to his crotch and said "I've got one of these!" Poor little Suzie went home in tears.

The next day, Johnny is standing on the corner when Suzie arrives. He tells Suzie "I've still got something you'll NEVER have!". Suzie again inquires to that this might be. Johnny again drops his britches, points to his crotch and says "I've got one of these.".

Little suzie pulls up the front of her skirt, points to her crotch and says "My mom told me that with one of these I can have all of those I want!"

Never try to out-think a girl!

[cscboulder11]

The teacher announced that she had something behind her back that was round and good to eat. Johnny guessed that it was an apple. She said, "No, it's an orange, but I like the way you're thinking." Johnny then announced that he had something in his pocket that was long and hard. The teacher blushed and said "Johnny, how dare you!" He said, "No, it's a pencil, but I like the way you're thinking!"

Edited September 21, 2012 by cscboulder11

[emtdennis]

Damn!! I like little Johnny, why couldn't I get into some of the trouble that he does?

[joesph]

Damn!! I like little Johnny, why couldn't I get into some of the trouble that he does?

and a drum roll when you ask what happened