station politics...

[whirlymedic]

SO I have a dilemma

My regular partner while is a nice enough guy.. has a tendency to take advantage of the fact that we work in a relatively quiet rural area and the down time that is associated with that..

He is from the town, his kids go to the local school, and it is quite close to the station... his kids are involved with sports and such...

while I can appreciate he is a good family man and wants to spend time with them... I personally do not...

Almost every shift his wife and kids are at the base and many times they bring in food and sit down and have a "family dinner" they are often at the base for 2-3 hours....

On the weekends ( in his words "in the name of good public relations") he expects that whom ever he is working with to go to the local ice rink and watch his kids play hockey ... Note is is only when HIS kids play that we go...

While they are nice enough kids.. I don't think it is fair to expect that everyone wants to take part in this.. and appreciates having the family descend on the station.. it can be awkward.. they discuss personal family matters, argue, the kids whine and fight etc...it is a place of work.. not a family drop in centre. fair enough it it was a special occasion or holiday but not every shift.

I have tried to make it clear that I am not over joyed about any of this... and have discussed it with him but get guilted into going to the rink.. and made to feel like a total jerk when I don't want his family at the station. I have also spoken to management regarding the matter but little has been done to rectify the issue.

So I am pretty much just venting.. but wondering how in a diplomatic manner I can make him understand that this really is not acceptable or fair.

Edited November 28, 2011 by whirlymedic

[chbare]

Why do you feel guilty? We often allow people to treat us badly. Is hanging out with some other dude's family at the ice rink in your job description? If it is, sorry for you. Otherwise, you are under no obligation to do this. While its hard, you are going to have to stop being a piece of carpet, learn to assert yourself and set boundaries. You may ruffle some feathers, but few if any people get through life without rubbing people the wrong way from time to time.

[hatelilpeepees]

I would call a meeting with your supervisor and the two of you, and have a log of the past month's activity. I do not think you can gripe about family coming to the station unless your policies state that it is a no-no. I had a partner like this one time, but he went the extra mile and fed me as well at his home. I got a free meal out of it, so I did not gripe. Maybe you can suggest that the visits to ball games be cut in half or something (you can always opt to sit in the truck until the games are over).

If you can not come to sensible solution, ask for a transfer.

[Kaisu]

Your partner is unprofessional and self centered. Your management is unprofessional. Your situation, unfortunately, is fairly common in smaller, lower volume stations. If you take a stand, you can be prepared for fallout. You have tried to resolve this and have met a stone wall.

The key words here are "made to feel like". I got news for you. No one can make you feel anything. You have total control over your response.

Imagine the next time you are asked to go to the rink looking at him and saying "seriously? are you out of your mind? why would I want to do that? and walking away, guilt free. End of discussion. As for the family hanging out at the station for hours and hours, I have found that heavy metal blaring out of my personal music device at the table tends to send most people with small children to the solace of OUTSIDE. (porn is actually much better, but that does carry an element of risk)

The point is, deal from a position of strength Whining that they make me feel bad keeps you stuck. As chbare stated, grow some cojones and stand up for yourself.

[Vorenus]

Risk is, that if this is an all-around accepted behaviour at the station, you might get on the wrong side of the bunch and will lose sympathy points. If that matters to you, you`ll either have to take it or leave.

If it doesn`t - tell him to step the fuck down and deal with his family matters at his freaking home or at his time off.

Edited November 28, 2011 by Vorenus

[DwayneEMTP]

Yeah man, it sounds like you're suggesting some boundaries, not setting them.

If you say, "You know, I wish we didn't go to every hockey game your kids play in..." is your approach, and it's being ignored, then it's time to be very specific.

"We're not going to every hockey game any more and it's past time that we set some boundaries for family time. I came here to work, not to be adopted. I've suggested I wasn't really into it, and you haven't seemed to have heard me. So we are going to sit down now and set a schedule. God bless your family, but they are not my family, and I won't spend all of my 'down' time with them any more."

It's too bad that it has to be that way. But it does. You need to make a mature, kind, firm stand, or simply accept that you will be his gopher forever.

I think it's cool as hell that he gets to see his family while on duty. But it sounds like he's got a bit of tunnel vision where it's concerned. Before you kick him in the balls, make sure that you've done your part to shine a light into that tunnel and that it's not just a misunderstanding. If it's not a misunderstanding and he's just taking advantage of you, then it's time to get more aggressive and burn his ass down.

Dwayne

[Vorenus]

Great post dude (sry I constantly had to leave the chat yesterday ).

Man, I`m tired, I just edited my post for the third freaking time and I`m sure there are still mistakes in it, which I don`t see right now...

[romneyfor2012]

I will throw a different tactic at you. This guy's behavior has been accepted by everyone else, you seem to be the lone voice against. Being confrontational or immediately going to the supervisor will probably not make you very popular. How about this, why don't you find something that you like to do frequently, that requires him to miss some of his family and/or meal time. Tell him you have a cousin that plays in the league his kids do not, and you want to go see his games, go visit a family member or girlfriend, decide you want to take music lessons while on-duty.

He may not realize how rude he is being, since this is the way he has always done it, let him walk a mile in your shoes and see how he likes it.

I agree with crap, gay porn on the TV seems to chase everyone out of the room.

[tniuqs]

SO I have a dilemma

Well a hearty welcome for first post :

Honestly I do not see a dilemma here in the slightest, this is your problem most honestly I wish I had your "problem" yes really.

My regular partner while is a nice enough guy.. has a tendency to take advantage of the fact that we work in a relatively quiet rural area and the down time that is associated with that..

Then chillax .. do you know how many don't have ANY ass time or are forced to be sequestered in a remote clinic for days at a time .. man if this is an actual problem just try walking in a few other shoes on this site.

He is from the town, his kids go to the local school, and it is quite close to the station... his kids are involved with sports and such...while I can appreciate he is a good family man and wants to spend time with them... I personally do not...

Almost every shift his wife and kids are at the base and many times they bring in food and sit down and have a "family dinner" they are often at the base for 2-3 hours....On the weekends ( in his words "in the name of good public relations") he expects that whom ever he is working with to go to the local ice rink and watch his kids play hockey ... Note is is only when HIS kids play that we go...

Awesome chocolate bars, greasy stale hot dogs, kids to laugh at having the time of their lives and the HOT Hockey mom's to boot.

So a Question do you have children, are you married ?

While they are nice enough kids.. I don't think it is fair to expect that everyone wants to take part in this.. and appreciates having the family descend on the station.. it can be awkward.. they discuss personal family matters, argue, the kids whine and fight etc...it is a place of work.. not a family drop in centre. fair enough it it was a special occasion or holiday but not every shift.

Yup that's over the line for certain your station is a place of work, and there no crew rooms to disappear to ? Do the children have full run of the station .. ? How old are the kids ?

I have tried to make it clear that I am not over joyed about any of this... and have discussed it with him but get guilted into going to the rink.. and made to feel like a total jerk when I don't want his family at the station. I have also spoken to management regarding the matter but little has been done to rectify the issue.

Then next step is ask for a partner change, if your employer does not honour your request well that could be an indication of your real value to the operation.

So I am pretty much just venting.. but wondering how in a diplomatic manner I can make him understand that this really is not acceptable or fair.

Try straight up .. diplomacy is way over rated, my concern would be for safety as if your ground and a call comes in .. looking for kids playing in the garage is ALL bad and a safety issue.

Ok a query you say your Flight ? .. does your employer allow anyone other employees in restricted area's like hangers ? If your working rotary what is your partner doing leaving the station in the first place .. I have worked fixed wing but our legal 'wheels in the wells" was 30 minutes although we played ball on the tarmac, and had a xcountry ski track in the field adjacent.

cheers

[paramedicmike]

Being confrontational or immediately going to the supervisor will probably not make you very popular. How about this, why don't you find something that you like to do frequently, that requires him to miss some of his family and/or meal time. Tell him you have a cousin that plays in the league his kids do not, and you want to go see his games, go visit a family member or girlfriend, decide you want to take music lessons while on-duty.

Being passive aggressive about the situation isn't going to win any friends or make the situation better, either. In fact, it'll probably only serve to fan the flames of discontent. This is a situation where fighting fire with fire, so to speak, is going to make the OP look like nothing more than an immature employee unable to handle himself.

The best way to handle this has already been mentioned. The OP needs to grow a spine and stand up for himself. He needs to learn the word "No.". He needs to learn to be firm with his answer. He needs to be an adult and a professional about this.

He does not need to act like a child.

I'm curious, though, how the OP, who lists his profession as a flight medic, is allowed to leave his base while on duty. At my flight job we aren't allowed to leave the base unless we're on a flight. I realize that not every service has the same requirement. But there is huge potential here for an unreasonable delay in off times because the crew wasn't at the base.

Edited November 28, 2011 by paramedicmike