Under Arrest at JFK Airport

[Richard B the EMT]

In a joint statement, the offices of the United States, New York, and New Jersey Attorney Generals announced that yesterday, at the John F. Kennedy International Airport, an individual, later discovered to be a Public School teacher, was arrested while trying to board a flight to Washington DC, while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, and a calculator.

The Attorney Generals offices expressed the belief that the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement, and is being charged with carrying weapons of math instruction.

Al-Gebra is a fearsome cult, that desires average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes goes off on a tangent in a search of absolute value. They consist of shadowy figures, with names like “X” or “Y”, and, although they are referred to as “unknowns”, we know they really belong to a common denominator, and are part of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.

As the great Greek philanderer, Isoseles, used to say, there are three sides to every angle, and if God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes.

I am grateful our government has given us a cosine of intent on protracting us from these math-dogs, who are willing to disintegrate us with calculus disregard.

These statistic bastards love to inflict plane on every sphere of influence. Under the circumference, it is time we differentiated their root, made our point, and drew the line.

These weapons of math instruction have the potential to decimal everything in their math on a scalene never before seen, unless we become exponents of a higher power, and begin to factor in random facts of vertex.

As the first President George Bush used to say, “Read my ellipse”. Here is one principal he is uncertainty of – Although they continue to multiply, their days are numbered, and the hypotenuse will tighten around their necks!

[b.anderson]

I believed this for the first paragraph. Weapons of math instruction, nice.